So....I've had alot of ups and downs lately. Both with mental health issues, health issues (my acne has caused ALOT of issues lately), personal issues etc.
So this summer I'll be 23 and I'm going to try to use this summer to really pick myself up and make myself the best me I can be.
I'm going to Germany for a week on Monday, I'll be making a new home for myself in Germany next Autumn. Which is huge, part of my anxiety had always been I needed to have someone around me. Someone I can lean on, nearly push my fears onto them- yet here I am moving to a new country by myself. Starting a new life by myself. It's scary, I've talked to my therapist about it and she said we can have phone appointments. She also said if I truly hate it and I can't cope, I can always come home again. It's better to go there and try then stay here and regret it forever.
Yet I have come better about health anxiety, I haven't googled in at least four months! I also have one tonsil way, way bigger and lump compared to the other. I took photo of it very day for ages obsessed with it. It was strangely lumpy and strange- looked horrible. Ask my gp about it the last time I was there a few months ago. Haven't thought about it since! Which is huge for me. It's prob because I had throat infections alot in my teens and it never went down again!
I also don't self check as often anymore- just once very month after a shower- sometimes it goes longer then a month if I'm in a good head space! Compared to the non-stop touching and poking I used to do.
I'm having issues now and I have so issues now and again- but I feel like I'm doing better! I hope I am, I'm trying. I lived in fear for so long and while I've had some issues it's never been what I feared. I've had so many tests, so many gp vist. I hope I get stronger and need even less appointments
I'm worried about making new friends, about my friends in Ireland forgetting about me in Ireland. I know even with my struggles I have friends here who love me very much, that will miss me- but my mental being love telling me otherwise. That it's also not a reason to stay here, that there's so many ways to keep in contact.
Health wise....I've had a down period lately. Lots of headaches (etc, etc). I've mainly come around from this, I still get some issues but I'm trying to push on with it all. So I've been dealing with that okay! But (NOW isn't that a great word to have here)- I've got a few small red dots in different places on both arms and on my legs and lots of itchy points- I haven't used any new body products or I wasn't anywhere to get bug bites. The red spots are small and I try my best not to itch. It's probably harmless and will pass as it only came on two nights ago and I noticed the spots yesterday. I put some cream on them and hope they clear up. There's always something.
I've also struggled alot with sleeping lately....that's never fun but some lovely members here have been so helpful. I wish someday to sleep before 4 am again!
I'm going to keep everything here, all the health stuff, other life stuff. Hope it all goes onwards tho!
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