New Chapter

[SarahNah]

Hi everyone x I've been gone from here for nearly two months! I had little moments of dropping in to reply to some people on private- and my lovely friend Louise made a thread for me and it got so much lovely support. Which I thank every single one of you! During those down moments, it meant everything. Knowing that people on here truly cared.

So, in the last two months I've really worked on my mental health- It took alot. It's still on a path to fully getting better but every day is a little brighter. I thankfully haven't had a episode since! I know there is always a chance it will happen again but I hope I can cope better next time. I had alot of life stresses at the time, it was like someone blew up balloon to much and suddenly everything pop out at once. Pieces of me went everywhere, it's taking awhile to pick up the pieces.

So, HA wise- eh. Been mostly good! The gp said my heart was good, my body is good after lots of blood tests (I'm not anemic for the first time in years! Whoop, whoop). Do I still get moments that everything feels shit and it's the end? Yeah but like I said those moments are getting smaller and smaller but I know what sets it off now. Plus this was all two months ago and I'm back here to annoy you all once again . I do have my first cold of the year- but I'm hoping with the vicks rub I've used it clears off soon!

I was meant to move to Germany a few weeks ago- but I knew I wasn't in that mental space yet. It wouldn't last, so it was very hard to swallow my pride and contact the company- and shocking to me. They offered to keep my job until after Christmas! It's something to work towards, I want to go there. I didn't spend even years learning German for nothing haha! But it's a big goal of my and I'm so glad I get anyother chance.

In life, my family have been great- my friends have been great. In the first few days after that break down especially, the love and kindness I was shown really made my heart swell. I always felt like a burden, a waste of space- scared of being judged. Yet there everyone was, just there for me. Not trying to shove anything onto me, just ready to be leaned on if needed. I'm getting tears in my eyes talking about it now.

Wow, that was a long one! There's lot I'm leaving out but it's a update. Once again, thank you to everyone on here also. Who replayed or spared a thought for me xxx

[Scass]

Thank you for the lovely and positive update. I have been thinking of you, and I’m glad that you’ve had such good help & have been working hard x

[pulisa]

Good to hear from you, Sarah and I'm so sorry that you've had such an awful time.

You have always been so determined to get better and now you have your Germany goal for after Christmas.

Wishing you all the very best.

[SarahNah]

Thank you for the lovely and positive update. I have been thinking of you, and I’m glad that you’ve had such good help & have been working hard x

Aw, thank you so much Scass! Your words honestly means so much to me! I hope you're keeping well yourself xxx

[SarahNah]

Good to hear from you, Sarah and I'm so sorry that you've had such an awful time.

You have always been so determined to get better and now you have your Germany goal for after Christmas.

Wishing you all the very best.

Thank you Pulisa x I guess, I like to think for all the awful times- It means more good ones are coming. It;s hard to deal with and when in those moments it feels like it's never going to get better but with lots of hard work. I'll get back to a good place again, just some bumps on the way!

I hope you're keeping well and thank you so much for the reply and words xx

[SarahNah]

Hi all,

So I went away with my boyfriend for a few days- since we've gone long distance since he's in Germany already! It was lovely! I've only been home a few hours and I feel super unwell, weak, like my legs kept shacking :( lots of other unpleasant feelings! it's been a long time since I felt this way. It's like I can't breath! While it's disappointing to feel this way-- I still manged to get dressed up and I'm going to a going away party for my friend tonight which I wasn't going to do but I won't see her for two years :(! So made myself go....hoping I feel better soon!

I'm happy for going out for a few days and doing well, but this after math is hard.

Hope everyone is okay x

[SarahNah]

Manged to make it to the restaurant we're meeting at and I'm Early so sitting in panic by myself currently

[SarahNah]

I manged to get some rescue pastilles and I'm really hoping they help am my legs are shacking plus I've started to get pain in my left arm and all around my body and I'm only for another 15 mintues at least

[SarahNah]

I know this is just probs a panic attack and it's just been a long time but wow am I freaked right now

[SarahNah]

I can guess my heart is going about 150 at most right now, so I'm trying to do some breathing and such till someone gets here. Having friends around has always helped calm me- even without saying anything to them. Just hard sitting here by myself which like I didn't have this bad of a reaction to my first outing alone.