I think I've fallen off the wagon. Feeling defeated.

[IreneRumi]

Good luck! It sounds like you are doing very well!

Also I posted a small excerpt from that book I mentioned on another thread in this forum. I truly hope reading the book helps!

[ErinKC]

I just saw! I'm excited to read the book. That was a great and insightful excerpt!

[IreneRumi]

I'm so glad to hear it! His writing has made me laugh out loud and I can completely relate.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Erin, don't forget if your doctor thought it could be serious they would have fast tracked your MRI anyway.

I think with the trust issue you can also rationalise that it has grown/changed between appointments and unless the nurse spiked your anxiety you would have progressed to scans/tests from today rather than suffering the blip into ER.

So, perhaps it does add more weight to why you wait and observe? Although I realise there was also a genuine complication in play here too.

[ErinKC]

Erin, don't forget if your doctor thought it could be serious they would have fast tracked your MRI anyway.

I think with the trust issue you can also rationalise that it has grown/changed between appointments and unless the nurse spiked your anxiety you would have progressed to scans/tests from today rather than suffering the blip into ER.

So, perhaps it does add more weight to why you wait and observe? Although I realise there was also a genuine complication in play here too.

Yes, she did not seem super concerned. She actually repeated like 5 times, "Do not panic." It seems like for faster growing fibroids MRI is actually becoming the diagnostic test of choice, so it makes me feel good that she's up to date on that (I may have googled...). I'll be really happy to have a very clear picture of whats going on in my body because I've never felt like I have a true grasp on it even though it causes me many symptoms.

And yes - in the absence of the nurse saying that on the phone I would probably have just gone today, she would have felt it and noted it was bigger than my last exam, and either had me do an ultrasound first or sent to the MRI. I should be able to get the MRI appointment quickly. I'm hoping in the next week because I have a road trip planned and would love this to be behind me first! But, if I can't get it until after the trip it will be a good distraction.

[ErinKC]

I'm having a hard time this morning, feeling very anxious. I called to make my MRI appointment and was about to have one scheduled for Monday when the person on the phone noticed my doctor had ordered both pevlic and abdominal. She said for fibroids the abdominal wouldn't be necessary and she didn't want me to be stuck in the MRI machine for two hours and pay twice, so she would call my doctor to double check and get a new order and then get back to me. I am so anxious to just get this scheduled and over with and the more I wait on it the more my anxiety is climbing.

I'm trying so hard not to let myself get overwhelmed, but I'm having trouble controlling it. I'm supposed to start school in 2 months and I'm so worried that whatever is going on, even if it's just fibroids (which it most likely is), will require some kind of treatment that will either result in a long recovery or throw my anxiety totally out of whack right before I'm set to start school. I'm so incredibly frustrated because I have been trying to find a cause and solution for this pain since February and no one has done anything until I went to the ER for the ultrasound.

I'm just feeling really sad today.

And today is my daughter's last day of a two week camp we had her in following her pre-school ending. So, now it's summer break and we have nothing planned because we can't afford the pool or other camps. Last summer was so hard for me because I had no breaks and we spent so much time just sitting around that my anxiety got very bad. I used to love summer and now I dread it because it's so hard to be a stay at home mom - who also works 20 hours a week from home - and not have any respite.

I know I'm snowballing now... trying to reign it in!

[ErinKC]

I just got an MRI appointment for tomorrow morning at 7am! I'm so glad I don't have to wait long and my doctor will just be getting into the office when it's done so I can hear back from her quickly. Still very nervous, but eliminating the wait makes a big difference!

[jray23]

I think you're doing just fine, Erin. You've got an actual thing going on and while maybe you leaned a bit more than necessary on the urgent care and ER, and fretted some, you've shown that you're fully aware of what's going on. Compare this to your old self, I bet you'll see you're handling this much better!

And anxiety recovery is probably almost never linear. Most of us are gonna have setbacks from time to time. I do too.

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[MyNameIsTerry]

Turn to your techniques, Erin. Ground yourself, distract yourself. You are piling scenarios on top of each other without any evidence.

[Scass]

I think you’re doing fine too! Sorry I didn’t see this earlier, it sounds like you’ve been through a trying time.
You had legitimate reasons to go to the ER, so please don’t beat yourself up.
Also I expect the feeling you have of waiting for panic is still the anxiety pushing at you, but because you are wise to it’s tricks it’s being a bit more subtle.

I had a terrible time when my daughter was about to start school - kept thinking it was my last proper summer to do things with her & I needed to make it really special. But they just want to be with you & to go the park as often as possible. You don’t have to spend fortunes at this age, I’m dreading the older years where they get bored and demanding
Hope your mri isn’t too bad x


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