So today Mr Midnight and I decided that we're going to work together to try and get fitter and healthier, I think with our upcoming wedding we are wanting to make sure that we are around to annoy each other for as many years as possible. We decided that we are going to undertake the 'couch to 5k' program by following the app and trying to 'run' three times a week. I'm going to keep a diary here to mark my progress and keep myself accountable. If anyone else would like to join in, even with other activities it could be great to be able to talk about it all here and see how we all get on, even if your activity is getting dressed or walking around the garden!
I've been a member here for quite a while now and I often give advice on things but I very rarely post about my own struggles, as some of you know I have GAD, OCD and depression but I am also agoraphobic haven't been in a state that I can work for the last three or four years following a suicide attempt brought on through my illnesses and just how well I function as a human with a jobsince then there have been many ups and downs but I'm hoping by writing it all down I might be able to work through some of my issues on my own and take some of the pressure off of Mr Midnight who has been my very patient carer all this time, giving up his own studies and jobs to take care of me full time.
Today was attempt one at couch to 5k. I was extremely anxious as exercise has been known to bring about some pretty kick ass panic attacks in me, plus being outside is a general struggle. Like an omen after Mr Midnight and myself had talked all the possibilities of the difficulties I may face and the reasons why we REALLY need to actually start taking care of ourselves we headed out rain be damned.
I'm not going to lie, I was absolutely dreading every part of it, especially as I had been convinced to eat two slices of toast before hand (as an emetophobic I normally refuse to leave the house with anything bar water in my stomach) we walked to our agreed upon 'start line' and began the coaching app..... Well the first point I'll make is that it was really tough and the years of being housebound/mostly bed bound have not been good for my fitness whatsoever. Today's run consisted of a five minute warm up brisk walk followed by 60 seconds of running to be paired with 90 seconds of brisk walking to recover (I'll tell you know that 'recover' is a laughable term for me at the moment) this was to be repeated 7 times with a 5 minute walk to cool down.
Neither Mr Midnight or myself were able to complete the full exercise today, which although a little disappointing I'm honestly not too disheartened. We both managed five sets of the running/walking although I was unable to complete a full sixty seconds running, it was much more like 30 seconds for me but I never once stopped and I did always increase my pace each time we were told to run. I'm pleased that I tried and although I haven't 'passed' my first run I'm certain it's done me more good than being led on the sofa or sat in my chair. Even if I did have one small attack while 'running'
Mr Midnight managed to run for the full 60 seconds for all five sets that we did.
Next run is on Thursday, the day after our wedding- perhaps this wasn't the best time to be starting all this exercising considering at the point of writing this I might very well need to be carried down the aisle on Wednesday! I've had one small flare up of 'feeling funny' since I have been back but I have deducted that it's just a little bloating from my very poor breathing technique (think more gasping trying not to die - very attractive I'm certain
) plus I might be slightly hungry and anticipating my wedding - which is very much giving me all sorts of crazy butterflies.
I've never had a positive relationship with exercise and before anxiety caused me to loose roughly three stone I have always been overweight and have done absolutely nothing in the realms of this since I used to swim competitively as a child. I'm in the strongest place I have been in years with my mental health and I'm hoping that this can be evidence of my further progress and healing, perhaps even help others with the battle we face in bettering these awful conditions each and every day. If I can do it, believe me, whatever your 'impossible' might be - you can do it, and we can all help each other through it.
Achievements for the day
- I got out of bed
- Ate a meal and plan (will) eat tea
- Left the house and committed myself to exercise with only one panic attack. - Please tell me what your achievements are today, or what you would like them to be!
As always,
Positive Vibes,
Mouse
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