Breast diagnosis

[Carys]

Hiyer Kestral, I am back and see that your wife has had her markers inserted. Mine (4 titanium clips) were done just before tumour removal and under GA, so can't give much advice about that really - anyway, its happened now and done and dusted. I do highly recommend you and or your wife joining www.breastcancercare.org.uk. There are SO many people going through exactly the same as you are both going through, or have been in the past, and the advice really is second to none.

[kestral]

Hello Cerys, the wife had a metal marker inserted and now we wait for a couple of weeks before her operation under GA. I will let her know about the organisation you recommend

[Carys]

They are the biggest UK breast cancer charity, and have now joined forces with 'Breast Cancer now', they have downloadable leaflets, a forum (that you could also join), a phone helpline and you can even have telephone calls and emails from 'someone like me' (their support network where they team you up with a person who is a few years further along). They have leaflets on just about every single aspect imaginable, from telling any children to exercises to do after surgery.

[kestral]

Ive read some of the stuff on the site and I'm feeling more stressed at.it all than I did before. I live with anxiety and am having some health difficulties myself and I fear not having my wife here any longer. We met in 1968 and have been together at each other's side many times for various health problems but this one has become very difficult. We were enjoying musical theatre and shows, spectating sports, several holidays a year and going about visiting cities until recently. I have fainted out and about since and took to hospital in an ambulance on a number of occasions although each time they gave me a clear report. The anxiety has stopped me doing most things since. The wife has had ibs, ear and eye treatment and ct scans as well as digestive system investigations. I'm told by the GPS I shouldn't have more meds for the anxieties as the dose given is at a maximum. I tried cbt but that didn't help either. To be fair the wife takes the positive side of things and brings me through things while I follow my mother's nervous family traits. I talk things out with my daughter a lot which helps although I find it easier to express my concerns on here.

[Carys]

Well, I'm sorry to hear that Kestral, about the breast cancer site. I don't know what you read, but was hoping it would be some of the leaflets you can download ? (which answer lots of your questions) There are various services run from there, which I found invaluable, like the helpline and the 'someone like me' link, where you hear from people a few years ahead of your own diagnosis. The focus is very positive and you can ask any questions you have to all the thousands on the forum. I just thought as you are asking questions here, and at the moment there is only me who can answer them in detail (there are other bc people around, but haven't seen them here recently), that you might prefer to have multiple and replies. Thats fine though, give it a miss if it doesn't help.

[kestral]

I appreciate your support cerys think im just having a bad day. I will have another look at their site and not feel so sorry for myself. It's my wife who has to deal with it all so I'm being self indulgent. As my daughter says, man up and look towards better times again.

[Fishmanpa]

When you're in a better mental place, I would also suggest the forums at the American Cancer Society website. Yes, not every story is a positive one but as I said, the information and support my wife and I received was invaluable.

Positive thoughts

[Carys]

I was a member on there too Fish, and it is indeed excellent - BUT - the problem I ran up against many-a-time was that UK processes,procedures and treatments were often just subtly and marginally different. It made it rather difficult when people were replying as the experience people were getting was slightly different, just due to differences between our medical set-ups and often I felt as if something was wrong with my treatment.

[pulisa]

I appreciate your support cerys think im just having a bad day. I will have another look at their site and not feel so sorry for myself. It's my wife who has to deal with it all so I'm being self indulgent. As my daughter says, man up and look towards better times again.

True it's your wife who is dealing with the condition but you are very much in the firing line as well and will need all your strength to support your wife through her op and beyond. We all have bad days and you are not being self indulgent. As the op approaches it's only natural that you will be feeling fragile and frightened but, as Carys says, she will be in expert hands and better times ARE ahead when you can put this behind you.

[Carys]

Absolutely! The treatment is frightening, the thoughts it brings into your head are overwhelming at times, but step by small step you will work through it and come out the other side.