Hello,
I am 33 and live with my Wife in Arizona, USA. All the rest of my family lives in Southern California. We moved here in 2015 and I've been out to see family several times, but more towards the beginning of our time here.
At this point I've not been back there for nearly two years.
Certain things have happened in my life - new career I enjoy, some stressful events with my wife - that seem. To have changed my ability to make trips like this. My last trip out of state was in October 2017 for a vacation in Hawaii. I had some anticipatory anxiety for that, anxiety a lot on the day of travel, and some anxiety every day while there, though overall I enjoyed the trip.
Since then I have had plans to visit family in CA on three different occasions and have been unable to make the trip. Last summer we had a trip planned and I had to bail at the last minute, and my wife went alone. It made me feel embarrassed and guilty, but also relieved and was a good opportunity for me to relax. After that failure we had another trip planned for Christmas time, but we were both stressed from work (and I was anxious) so we canceled that.
Although I've been visited by my parents since then and have seen my brothers when they drove out to Arizona and I met them in a different city for a day of shenanigans, I haven't seen the majority of my family now in two years - something I feel immense guilt over. Especially my niece and nephew, who are growing up so fast and barely know who I am.
I've been seeing a therapist infrequently since last year and have a prescription for Alprazolam (I almost never take this) for just in case scenarios.
We are supposed to leave tomorrow on a two week long trip to CA. It's a 7.5hr car ride that I am dreading even though I've done it before several times. I have IBS that flares when I'm anxious so I worry about that. I'll also be staying at my parents house (my childhood home) so I don't know why that is making me anxious as well. I think I've become agoraphobic over the last few years due to avoidance and I think the best way to overcome this is to just do it and get exposure.
I'm just really struggling mentally right now and have taken half of an anxiety pill and am employing as many safety practices as I can (deep breathing, meditation, sleep). I am so scared of letting my family down (again).
Thanks for any help you can offer :(
togrib
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