Weird mental stuff HELP

[tom1984]

Last year has been very busy and my hypochondriac self had some spikes.
Last weeks I am very tired and those palpitations do not help with worry.

Recently I am a little afraid of getting depressed or burnout. The everything is too much at work and at home stuff. Nearly making it till coming home and then it gets a little better in the evening.

Last week I spoke to my docter because I needed prescription for paroxetine. I take 5mg for at least 10 years now. The doc said maybe you have to go back to 10mg for a while. First I was sceptic but I accepted.
After 1 increased dose I remembered the bad withdrawal symptoms and I descided to maintain 5 mg.

I am very tired and maybe lightly down sometimes but no panic attacks or major issues, i guess.

I read again about the suicidal stuff with paroxetine on google and I think it took a spin on my mind or at least I hope.

When I have a more difficult time sometimes it flashes in my mind “what if there is no other way then” ....... you know.
It scares the crap out of me.

I always think nah I have the kids and want to do so much stuff and so on.

Yesterday after the 1 day higher dose I felt like numb. I got some kind of stuck in my mind. Like I could not think about the future.
The same tought came up, what if there is no other solution than.......

This time because of the stupid paroxetine numbness I felt nothing when I tought of my kids or the house or traveling. I could not find anything that excided me. My brain is playing tricks with me I hope.

I absolutely don’t want to do that ever!!!!!
But this is scaring me. Could it be stress and some anxiety symptom???

I try not to give any of those toughts attention but it is kinda sick you know.
Today it was better i feel more stable or something.

Somethimes I still have this stuck toughts issue, like I cannot think about the future, it is very weird.

I remember a story of a guy who tought about hitting in to a pedestrian once. He would never do it but his mind popped up these kind of toughts and eventually he did not drive a car anymore.

Last year I was on a high building 12t floor or so. My mind popped what if I would jump in my mind. Would never do it but ran down and I was miserable for the rest of the day.

I hope this is some kind of this, I am afraid of dying most of the time and now my mind would suggest otherwise.

Hope someone can relate and ease my mind.


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[Decco]

some common anxiety symptoms tbh i used to have a lot of intrusive thoughts and what ifs, just try accepting the thoughts as if you dwell or run away from them it can cause further anxiety, i accepted they were only thoughts and got over mine quickly until another one appeared, i used to get thoughts and impulses to hit the person next to me in college especially females and sexual thoughts about family etc which generated what ifs over time you learn to accept the thoughts for what they are. ATB

[MyNameIsTerry]

Yes, it can absolutely be part of anxiety just as it can starting/increasing antidepressants.

You state you don't want to do what is in these thoughts but they scare you. You true thoughts are those you tell us about being here for your family and in any risk assessment by a therapist they would be asking questions to understand that you do have things which keep you here (my therapist explained these are what lower risk to them when she would ask what prevents you from taking action).

Please remember that the subconscious blurts a lot of stuff out thinking it is protecting us from threats. These intrusive thoughts can be scary because of what they are about and because such thoughts are aimed at the things we fear most, the things we hold dear.

Trust yourself. So many of us have had the "jump off the bridge" thought pop in. I used to get others about hurting family members or jumping in front of traffic. They are long gone now for me because I have dealt with this side of my anxiety but I may still get them ocassionally, but now I don't respond or even give them a second thought and so often come with a "rider" thought of "who cares, daft thought".

Reduce your reactions and they stop bothering you as the subconscious leans they are not important to the conscious mind. Right now this may be hard because you are starting a med and obviously there is a reason why you are starting meds and it will take time to get yourself feeling better. You may even find they just go away as these meds can have them as symptoms alone but also the increased anxiety they bring can bring these thoughts out in people and as they adjust to the med they recede or go away completely.

[tom1984]

Thanks for these answers!

I’m still struggling with it.
My brain goes there and it makes me feel horrible. I think it is accompanied by numb feelings so at that time it is hard to find something positive to think about or it does not feel possitive enough at that time.

At any other given moment I feel so blessed with the kids and being on holyday now.

It is like my mind wants me to believe that that is my destination.
I don’t want these toughts and feelings I just want to enjoy our holyday to the fullest.

I am afraid this will escalate at some point or something. It makes me feel down.
The thing is I don’t know if it is an intrusive tought or something serious.

My doc always says if you dont plan it it is not real. Easy said huh.

Now when I start dwelling I immediately put my head to something else. But that is hard when lying in bed or when relaxing.

This all started with a medication description and a what if there is no other way tought.

Can anyone relate and have tips to interupt toughts like this?




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[tom1984]

For your information I dont think about acts just that that everything is tough here or maybe it would be a good solution or i am thinking of reasons why it is good here and dont find alot at that moment.

I think it really is overthinking and dwelling on negative toughts but it is damn disturbing!

If I am busy or focusing on whatever else there is no problem. During sports I feel good most of the time, only if I start dwelling again.

I need to find a switch and something super exciting to think of.


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