Originally Posted by
Anxiousmanuk
Hello All,
I'm relatively new here and discovered this site through google. On and off I have been having fears regarding the above for almost a year. I'm soon to be 31. Basically my first ever full STD panel was in February 2016, after some naughty but safe behaviour with sex workers in Ibiza during the summer of 2015. This was out of character of me as I had a rough start to 2015 as my father had died and was spurred on by a friend to come, then booze, friends influence and grief influenced me to make some poor decisions. Any who I tested privately in Feb 2016, through a private clinic(NHS was always packed and kept sending me away. The appointment was same day of booking and service was gold standard as results only took 3 days(doctor was a huge scaremonger however as he said it was very likely I have HIV) and got the all clear, it was a huge relief and vowed never to do stuff like that again.
Then all of a sudden start of 2018 I began to become injury prone in the gym eg...right bicep tendon sprain, pec muscle sprain and shoulder problems. This stopped me from working out and I began to feel depressed, however many months later saw a sports med doc who conducted an mri and stated nothing is torn or damaged, just stubborn strains which will get better through physio, rest then gradual loading.
Then in May 2018, my testicle began to hurt one morning and throughout the whole day at work...rang NHS 111 who advised to go to A and E they said it looks fine but they sent me to urology dept at another hospital...the dr there said it looked like torsion and they need to take me to theatre to see if it is and then remove the testicle if it cant be saved. I was scared and blubbed like a baby in front of my mum but went through with it....however no torsion just swelling and tenderness. The following morning the consultant stated it could be and STD.. but I objected eg been tested and not had any sex since then. He accepted and was sent home and told to take 500mg of ciprofloxacin for 2 weeks. However my anxiety and paranoia skyrocketed that I may have an undiagnosed std and that the private clinic lied to me...spoke to the clinics reception who said its all legit and even Terrence Higgins trust who said I'm paranoid. I then went to my local Aids charity and begged them to test, which they did and it came out negative. It was a sigh of relief. However I became paranoid that I was still on antibiotics so test could be wrong or she used a dirty Lancet.
4 weeks later(July 2018) tested for a full std panel through a company called Better2know and got the all clear and thought this is it..enough is enough, I can live my life now or so I thought. Within a week I end up going to a strip club(no sex), but a a few private dances with two girls that involved a lot of touching, slapping their butts and the odd nipple licking, also one of them bit my penis teasingly whilse it was fully clothed and covered. One of them was too keen and was kissing me and possibly trying to offer extras which I did not do thankfully. She told me to add her on facebook I glanced at her profile and realised she had kids, this made me feel uncomfortable and akward and she told me to leave. After I got home I did not wash my hands and removed my contact lenses and touched the tip of my penis as it was sore and masturbated. After this I began to overthink eg if I could get infected form the clothed penis biting, if the stripper with kids was lactating then I coud've got infectious breast milk in mouth, and also because I touched my eyes to remove contact lenses and because I touched the tip of my penis and masturbated then what if I had small traces of blood or vaginal fluid on my hands(one of them were touching there private areas and rubbing there bodies here and there). I then went to A&E to access PEP who declined as they said its not a risk and the walk in centre nurse said see GP on monday, but never did as getting an appointment is difficult. Over the following weeks I rang the NHS gum clinic a few times who said no risk and 2nd time got ratty saying..If you want to test then TEST! But I dont think its appropriate!' THT also said we've said its no risk...now its up to you if you want to believe us or not.
I decided to test for HIV again 6 weeks later after the strip club incident through better2know...it involved travelling an hour from where I live, the test was an alere combo 4th gen instant test which came clear and negative...again same worry begin to manifest after eg did she do it right and was the lancet sterile, also this doctor was not cqc accredited which played on my mind...I rang few weeks later and asked her and she said she doesnt have to be cqc accredited and shes never had accusations re:lancet before and I should try ssri's...I was meant to test with her for hep b, hep c and syphilis but cancelled last minute as the lancet paranoia was worrying me, she was not happy and asked for aŁ50 cancellation fee but said pay it or dont bother.
In later sept I went to a strip club again and again a private dance, the stripper also fingered herself briefly and touched her body and encouraged me to slap her butt, which I did, then 15 to minutes later I prodded a cut in my mouth(had dental work done earlier) it was semi healed with only small dot of blood on tissue.
I finally mustered up the courage to buy a biosure HIV self test in later January, my counsellor said bring it and he can support me, which I did and it was negative.
However I am still struggling to shrug this worry...because in early to mid January I had severe armpit pain and swelling..which lasted for a week or two, along with rapid heart rate and heavy sweating, I mean I was obviously stressed and anxious...but cant't help but think it was from another recent HIV exposure that I'm not aware of and that this test in late Jan missed(its accurate at 12 weeks) or whether I'm a later seroconverter or if I did the test wrong or if it is faulty. I mean I felt a prick like pain on my butt cheek at a bar during the work xmas party so think maybe someone jabbed me with a needle, also on xmas day I used my mums safety pin to test needle attack theory and even think what if my mum has HIV and may have left blood on it from before. I even think cos I used her 'sterile' diabetes lancets to poke myself to test theory and think what if they were contaminated? what's more worrying is she uses her friends lancets at times as she says she never used them as she has a different diabetes machine/also my mum measures it so much that her own prescription ones run out quickly before her new prescription is due.
So also worried what if I poked myself with her friends lancets and again end up overthinking what if theyre contaminated eg don't know where they've been etc.
Also in early sept I found a sore on my penis near the pubic region and the GP dismissed it as dry skin which disappeared in 5 days after applying e45, I have also been getting on and off right sided abdominal pain to...which makes me think Hep B or C but both charity helplines said I'm at no risk re strip club encounters as no one bled directly on my wound.
Sorry for the long winded post guys. Hope you can provide me some insight. Part of me is thinking just do one more HIV self test and then home sample the rest eg hep b, hep c, syphilis and also urine ones as a once over. But not sure whether this is anxiety and if I'd be playing into its hands. My friends are saying I'm paranoid 'that it was a twinge or crampt at the xmas party or a static shock etc' and the diabetes lancets are no risk as blood left on them are too miniscule to even infect for hiv/hep b and hep c and the injuries from them need to bigger and deeper, Same for the safety pin.
Guess the armpit swelling in Jan freaked me out and never had it before and feel I'm just looking to find a cause even if it means coming up with farfetched theories eg an alleged needle attack at xmas party/my mums safety pins/allegedly contaminated diabetes lancets etc. I'm not even sure what the armpit swelling/pain was eg lymph nodes or just viral infection/or sign of anxiety or maybe even an infected sweat glands or side effect of vaping too much etc. Couldn't get a gp appointment to know what it definitely was or wasn't. All I know is both armpits were swollen and hurting quite a bit.
Looking forward to your opinions and sorry again for long winded post.
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