So let me start by saying that twitching basically does not scare me anymore.. ( for the most part.) I have accepted this as part of anxiety and this is fine.. in fact I began twitching 5 years ago.
However, since January my symptoms have only been getting worse - to a point that petrifies me.. here we go...
- My right hand began feeling weak and like it had lost feeling ( was tingly? but not in an asleep kinda way.) Also get allot of twitching in this hand- however no progressive weakness - can still hold things ( with some pain)
- My left hand pointer finger recently began to feel jammed ( this REALLY scares) I did not jam it but it has this painful horrible sensation and FEELS weak
- My shoulders constantly crack and pop - so do my wrists.. but not in a normal way.. but in a way that they feel like they are going to like pop out of the socket or something. If I lay on my right arm when I am trying to rest I also feel like.. weakness/ exhaustion I was deeply concerned with atrophy because this can cause popping but I have been checked by a sports medicine doctor who said this is all tension and he did not detect any weakness/atrophy.
- FINALLY- Most recently - my jaw is being weird - I know I have TMJ but lately it feels so tight and also like jerky in it's movements if I talk to much... also feel like I am on the verge of yawning sometimes
- nose bleeding - sometimes scared I can feel liquids in my nose.. but no real evidence of this
- legs feel tired and cramps for no reason sometimes
I think it might be important to note that this stuff feels a bit progressive.. I began in January with just twitching and it seems to have escalated.. I also feel my arms have gotten allot thinner but I have not in reality lost that much weight.
Honestly, I have been checked by 3 doctors and all say I am ok.. in fact they have said I am strong and some have asked if I am an athlete but... I can't believe them. I don't see how these symptoms can be explained - as well no one is really trying to explain them.. other than saying it is stress and you are anxious - take medication ( recently I have begun doing so. ) How could stress cause all of these muscle issues? I am so scared and I just keep imagining my descent into disability. This would be impossible for me as I am an artist and musician - a very physical person - I like to create. I couldn't live with ALS. I have been suicidal many times in the last month and my partner who I love and basically want to marry almost left me last week because I have been having such bad outbursts at him and have really lost touch with who I am. I also had to reduce my hours at work due to stress.
Can anyone offer advice or reassurance? I am seeing a Neuro next month but the wait is hard and I am scared everyday to do literally anything.
Would love to hear from PopeJoan if you are still around <3
Lots of love,
Lilly