Not sure if this is the correct subforum but herr it goes. My two high school friends and I lost communication in 2013, when anxiety started to hit me. I deleted all of my social media and totally lost contact with them. After 6 years, one of them found me on instagram three weeks ago and she organized a reunion with our other friend and the feeling was kind of like 23 yr olds who still were in high school hehe we had the same love in spite of the years and distance. The one who organized the reunion is the most humble and friendly person out there, now she invited me to a photoshoot she's gonna do with all of her best friends and I said yes, that was like a week ago and I stopped talking to her. Like I do want to talk to her, but I feel like I don't have the energy and that I don't deserve to have them as my friends. I also don't want to hide behind the depression card, I don't wanna be seen as the victim, i don't want them to pity me, I don't want them to judge me, I don't want to bore them with my problem since I am not the only one with issues in this life.
There have been too many times I wanted to do aomething but something stops me from doing it?? Like I say s*r*w it Im gonna stay in my room where no one can judge me kr say anything bad to me.
You know how so many people react to mental illness, so many don't understand yet. Not even your own family. I want to explain my situation and why I don't socialize or talk with them, it is not because I don't want because I really do, it's just because this thing in my mind won't let me do it and I don't know what to do. I thought about first fixing the mess of a life I have to later come back to my friends but, do they have to put up with my things?? I am not that special and they probably have better and more fun friends who are worthwhile.
Should I open up and tell them what I've been what I've been through?