Questioning It All

[adamden]

I just had the appointment and wanted to update you all. I'm still a little bit uneasy about this. I thought this would calm me down, but it hasn't.
I didn't drink the full 24 ounces of water, I drank 17, but it was good enough for them to see my bladder on the ultrasound.
Part of the ultrasound, if possible, was to see how my bladder emptied out. When they first scanned my bladder, I had 450 milliliters, and then I went to the restroom and it felt like I emptied it out, but there was still 210 milliliters left after I went to the restroom. So they were able to pick that up, and basically show that my bladder is retaining.
The reason why I say this may not be entirely true is because I went to the restroom once again 30 minutes later once I got home, and emptied out SO much once again. I just don't want there to be a false positive on my report, and then have to try and explain that to the physician's assistant. I'm hoping that it will all work out though.
Attempting to think positive thoughts on this. Hopefully it'll all turn out fine.

[adamden]

I don’t want this to be a sob story of any kind, but at this point, I just need to vent and get this off my chest.

I don’t want to keep living this life where I become incontinent twice during the night last night, which is the seventh straight night I’ve become incontinent at some point.

I don’t want to keep living this life where I dread going to sleep knowing that I’m just going to become incontinent again and have to do the same routine over and over.

I don’t want to keep living this life where I fear the possibility of not being able to sleep because I’m considering the possibility of getting up every few hours just to empty my bladder.

I don’t want to keep living this life where I have to keep changing my bed sheets because my guard doesn’t hold all of the incontinence, which is an added stressor and continued hassle.

I don’t want to keep living this life where my bladder is retaining urine and not giving me clear signals all the time of when I need to go to the restroom and when I have fully emptied my bladder.

I don’t want to keep living this life where I fear the possibilities of what could come from this retention/incontinence. My physician’s assistant mentioned the possibilities of a Foley catheter, which would drastically change my lifestyle.

I don’t want to keep living this life where I’m dreading the results of a simple ultrasound.

I don’t want to keep living this life with a mother who’s frustrated constantly. For starters, I tell her I ran out of cleansing wipes I use for my body that I didn’t know were going to run out, and she raises her voice. I’m putting added stress on her that she didn’t deserve.

I don’t want to keep living this life where I have irrational fears that want to make me anxious, so I obsessively look at forums for 40 minutes just to reassure myself about them. (Not saying these forums are bad, I love them)

I don’t want to keep living this life where I can’t even look at the positives that have been happening and smile at them. I’ve actually started driving for the first time since this anxiety started. My actual anxious feelings, panic attacks and physical symptoms of anxiety have not happened for a full month now. But I can’t even be excited about that....

When will there be answers? If there are answers, it seems like I’ve been waiting an eternity for them.

When will there be change? When will my life go back to the way it was before all this started?

I don’t want to keep living this life I’m living right now....

[Fishmanpa]

Its very apparent you're extremely distressed. Every State in the US has mental health facilities and help available. Please pick up the phone and make a call. You can get info HERE.

Positive thoughts

[adamden]

Its very apparent you're extremely distressed. Every State in the US has mental health facilities and help available. Please pick up the phone and make a call. You can get info HERE.

Positive thoughts

I don't want to make it seem like I'm suicidal, my apologies if that is how it was perceived. I perhaps should've worded it differently. But thank you for your concern.
I have talked with my parents and expressed my distress as well, and they comforted me, and I am doing good now. I just feel like my anxiety and thoughts in the morning are worse because I just continue to get frustrated with the incontinence and it continuing to happen.
When I say I don't want to keep living my life like this, I just want things to change for the better, which is taking some time, and I'm really impatient right now about that. I just want to stop the cycle of this happening. That's all. I perhaps was being too dramatic.
I'm currently in therapy and had a session yesterday, where we are continuing to work on my problems.
Again, thank you for you concern my friend.

[adamden]

Prayers have been answered. Double time. I feel blessed right now.
Just a few moments ago, I just got a call back on my ultrasound that they did yesterday, and everything came back normal. Nothing physically going on in my bladder.
They don't see any reason to take action and they will close the file unless I feel the need for a follow-up appointment. HALLELUJAH!
After that, I received a call back from the neurology department at the clinic in Tennessee that I go to.
In case I forgot to mention it here in this forum, also during this anxiety battle, I have noticed some changes in my leg function, including less weight bearing that I am able to put down in my legs. They were concerned something was changing, so they did bloodwork to make sure there wasn't anything concerning going on.
Anyways, they called back and said all the bloodwork came back normal on that and that they don't have a full understanding yet of what could cause that, just may be my body changing. But again, great satisfying news.
Thank you all for dealing with my BS today. Everything has gotten much better.

[Fishmanpa]

Great news! So now you can continue to work on your anxiety so you don't go down the rabbit hole again

Positive thoughts

[adamden]

Great news! So now you can continue to work on your anxiety so you don't go down the rabbit hole again

Positive thoughts

Amen to that! Thanks for sticking by me during this as well. You're awesome

[adamden]

Alright, so I know this will sound weird, but I'm slightly anxious, but I'm not quite sure why.
This morning, I ended up having to kill a roach in my bathroom (lovely, right? Sarcasm MAJORLY intended LOL). When my mom came in to see what the commotion was about, she also went to look for something in my bathroom door in my vanity, and found that one of the shampoo bottles that I had under there exploded and there was just sticky shampoo everywhere. So she decided it was finally time to clean out my vanity drawers and the area under my sink (what is that called LOL?)
Surprisingly enough, the areas in my vanity door and drawers weren't as dusty and disgusting as I thought it was going to be, not a lot of dust. But still, there was some dust. At one point, I actually took a breath in through my nose and felt something in my throat that made me cough (felt like I inhaled dust). Had to step out a second while I was coughing up a storm LOL.
I'm wondering if I'm maybe slightly anxious just because I was expecting those to be much more dirty and maybe even see a spider living back there LOL, or maybe because of the dust I may have inhaled or whatever I inhaled LOL, or maybe just because I don't like cleaning.
Anyways, thanks for reading this mindless rant LOL. If anyone has ideas on why I might be anxious, shoot them at me!

[adamden]

Well I gotta say, last night was a win-lose night... and it was weird.
The win part: didn’t have night time incontinence for the first time in nine nights (Woohoo!). But part of that was because of.....
The lose part: Ended up not really being able to go to sleep last night, and it was already bad enough because my family and I had already planned for me to get up at certain times during the night just so I could empty my bladder and avoid the incontinence altogether. Well, the plan was for me to wake up at 1:30am to go to the restroom, but of course, at that time, the revenge of the eyelid headache returned. Once again, got sick because of the headache, went back to sleep, and was good for the rest of the night headache wise. But still, I got at 4:30am to go to the restroom again, and finally slept a straight four hours from 4:30 to 8:45.
So now the next idea that we came up with on what the headaches could be from is eye strain. The reason is because I’m not super busy these summer days, I’m not as active, meaning I’m spending more time in my house on my phone or laptop (which I admit is true). But what I don’t get is why these headaches are happening in the middle of the night and not while I’m actually looking at any of my screens if it is indeed eye strain.
I’m open to any ideas, so throw them at me, please and thank you!

[adamden]

So this will just be a general question thread just to see if I can get some ideas (and yes, I know you guys aren’t medical professionals, but I know many of you have had EKG’s, so I wanted to see if we have any commodities).

So when I went for my annual visit at the clinic I’m part of in Tennessee, they did an EKG. I never got a call back on the results of it (and I always assume no news is good news from them), but I noticed that my EKG report got posted on the online patient portal, so I got curious. When they first posted it, I briefly skimmed over it, but couldn’t really understand it because I didn’t know what some of the terms meant.

I got a little more curious today to look into what it all meant, but wanted to deviate away from plugging in terms to Dr. Google, so hopefully you guys can help me in some way.

I’ll refrain from posting the “interpretative statement” until you guys say it’s OK to do this, so please let me know if it is OK for me to post it! Thanks!