I have felt a lot calmer this year - I rarely feel anxious or agitated, and when I do, I can challenge the feelings and then I feel normal again. In the last couple of years I've been gradually reducing my medication.
However, I've also felt less motivated and I feel like I can't be bothered with some of the things I used to care about.
For example, in summer 2016 I started doing Slimming World for the first time, and I reached my target weight in February 2017. I managed to stay within my target (with the occasional week-long blip) until Christmas 2018. Last Christmas, it was as if I completely lost my desire to eat healthily and I kept snacking on Quality Street chocolates and other sweets. I ended up eating a lot more than in the previous 2 Christmases, and I put on half a stone by the end of the holidays. Since then, I haven't been able to get back into target - I can be good for a week or 2, but then the following week I get back into my bad habits and wipe out the loss. In good weeks, I still miss my target by one and a half pounds. Last month I gave up going to Slimming World, as i felt like i was just wasting my £5 a week fee if i don't have the motivation to stick to the plan. More worryingly, my clothes are starting to feel tight and I'm actually avoiding certain garments that I know I'll feel uncomfortable wearing. My mum has also noticed certain clothes don't look as good on me anymore.
At the start of the year, I agreed with my manager at work that I'll study for a certain professional qualification. I always used to enjoy studying, but this year I've found it really hard to motivate myself to get on with it. I told myself that I would study for 30 minutes each evening, but most evenings I find myself procrastinating on social media and don't get any studying done. The course syllabus is huge and I find it overwhelming. The course material is also pretty difficult and I know it will push me to the limits of my ability. So far, I'm only about half way through the syllabus and even though I originally said to my manager that I would take the exams in early summer, I've had to put this back to autumn. So I just hope my motivation will come back in the next few weeks, otherwise it will have to be pushed back even further.
I've noticed other smaller things, too. For example, when I go away on holiday, I usually like to keep a diary of what I've done each day, but this year I couldn't be bothered.
What can I do to get my motivation back again? This whole "can't be bothered" feeling is starting to worry me, especially as I'm not doing certain things that I used to enjoy.
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