Reaching out for support

[sherry68]

I used to be a frequent visitor to NMP many years ago when my HA was at its peak. I received great support and many positive advice from the beautiful souls here. I am glad to say that I managed to overcome my HA finally. Today I am back here to reach out to
all of you in this very trying time. At first I was not sure whether I should come here and share my news for fear that it might trigger the unnecessary but at the same time I know that I will receive the support I desperately need from the lovely people here.

I received the result of the biopsy of my two small lesions on my groin last Monday - it was Squamous Cell Carcinoma. I should also add that it is HPV positive. The good news was that it was completely excised. The not so good news there was another spot on my vulva which appeared differently than the lesions excised which the doctor cauterised instead of excised. This will be looked at further at my next appointment next Tuesday.

I have been through the past few days in a daze, trying very hard to stay positive and optimistic through this ordeal. There are many uncertainties ahead. Then the anxiety kicked so strongly. The word metastatic keeps on crossing my mind; the poor prognosis; the high recurrence etc etc. I am finding it harder and harder to find even the tiniest amount of optimism.

I am very sorry if my post here cause anxiety in some people but I do not know where else to go to share this. I really hope that there are people out there who have been through the same or know anyone who experienced similar feat can share their stories. It will definitely help me to go through this.

[BlueIris]

Sherry, I'm so very sorry. Not an expert on this, but I really hope all goes well for you.

[pulisa]

Sherry, I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry that you are facing this diagnosis. It is truly awful when you are waiting for test results and just don't know what you are dealing with. I would advise you not to use the internet for information but to trust your Consultant who knows your case and who will plan your future treatment. It's good that you have another appointment on Tuesday and I would write a list of all the questions you have and tell him about your fears. Find out the facts from an expert in the field? The more you speculate the more your panic will overwhelm you. Let the Consultant explain the diagnosis and treatment plan in detail and remember everything he says because it relates to your case and not random cases on the internet.

Please keep posting and let us know how you are? I hope there is someone on NMP who can help you with their own personal experience of your condition xx

[sherry68]

Thank you BlueIris and Pulisa for your kind response. I have to admit that I am consulting the internet too much and being a microbiologist by training also might not be a blessing during this time - you ended up reading too many journal articles. Thank you Pulisa for suggesting that I have ready a list of questions for my next appointment. As of now my mind is still in one huge mess of mixed emotions. I will let you know how things are progressing..

[pulisa]

Having too much knowledge is definitely not helpful when it's so tempting to speculate and worry. It's perfectly understandable that you are feeling all over the place emotionally and I hope Tuesday can bring you some clarity and a definitive plan for future treatment. The worst thing is being in limbo and not knowing. It's torture especially when the internet is so readily available with all its worst case scenario "information". Trust your own doctor who knows what is going on xx

[pulisa]

How did the consultation go, Sherry? I hope it was helpful and that you got some information regarding your treatment plan.

[Fishmanpa]

Hi Sherry,

Fellow survivor of SCC of the Head and Neck (HPV positive). Different gender but same cancer. I totally get what you're feeling. Its almost surreal and it seems the days just blur together. The positive is that it appears they got it and also, HPV related SCC has a higher cure rate and response to any treatment. Pulisa is spot on concerning listening to your doctor and her advice. As you know, Google paints a rather grim picture. As I was told and it was affirmed by dozens of other warriors, everyone is different.

As you have a positive diagnosis, I would recommend joining a cancer forum where you'll get great information and support. During my battle, it proved to be invaluable and I made internet friends that I still stay in touch with today (all of which are still cancer free )

Curious to get an update... As always sending...

Positive thoughts

[sherry68]

Hi guys. Thanks Pulisa for asking and thank you Fishmanpa for the positive words. And as promised - here is the update.

Went for my follow-up. The two tiny lesions were confirmed by the pathologist to be completely excised with clear margin. And the cauterised spot is healing well. At least I got this out of the way. Only one more tiny lesion that I am waiting to see the dermatologist for further check-up. This gives me huge anxiety. Also did a CT scan which gave an all clear. So there will be no further treatment as of now. I was lucky to catch it very early.

The only thing that sends my anxiety sky high is I become extra observant now - all red dots that appear anywhere would send my anxiety sky high. I am not looking forward to having multiple SCCs.

It has been a tough couple of weeks. I really agree that consulting Dr Google is definitely not the way to go. My Consultant is very optimistic and positive and I am trying hard to be the same.

Thanks for the suggestion Fishmanpa. I did look up the forums available and joined a couple recently. The positive stories certainly is a good balm for the soul.

[Fishmanpa]

That's fantastic news Sherry! Concerning what I call "scanxiety", its totally understandable and expected but that will eventually subside to a manageable level. I'm sure those on the cancer forums can and will relate and echo the same sentiments. We can and do adapt to the "new normal".

Positive thoughts

[pulisa]

I am so pleased to hear that your news is good but I can quite understand how you feel that you can't relax your vigilance for more potential lesions. You've had a legitimate health concern and have every right to be anxious but as FMP says, you'd have to be a robot not to feel shaken up and I'm sure that these cancer forums can give you more positive reassurance and support than good old Dr Google!

I hope that this weekend is easier for you than the last one xx