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Thread: Holiday next weekend, dreading

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
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    810

    Holiday next weekend, dreading

    Hi,
    My anxiety has been very bad over the past few months. My friend is getting married next week in Spain and I am a bridesmaid and honestly I am dreading it. I hate flying at the best of times, but this time I am really paralysed with worry over it to the point I don't think I can go. I didn't go to her hen do because of my anxiety, so to miss the wedding I think she will fall out with me so I have this huge pressure on top of all else. I also find holidays in general anxiety provoking, but I usually can get past it and try to enjoy it. This time I really think ill just be demented the whole time. Does anyone have any advice?
    Thanks x

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    426

    Re: Holiday next weekend, dreading

    Hello,
    I understand how you feel, i had to go to my brothers wedding last year in Spain and i was absolutely dreading it, which is a shame.
    I don't have travel anxiety as such, just general anxiety so everything is heightened.
    But, i got through it. I survived. AND you will.
    Can you go to Dr and get something to get you through? Have you tried herbals like Bachs rescue remedy or Kalms?
    I can only give you tips and i expect others from here will, i actually found this forum really helpful while i was away.
    So, try breathing exercises, find a good book to immerse yourself in, i do find distraction really good, music, especially with headphones in! Someone on here suggested a good technique, find 5 things you can smell, 5 things you can touch, 5 things you can taste etc. Look around amd immerse yourself in nature and things that are around, i also found myself taking lots of photos of everything while i was out and about.
    I read recently that anxiety symptoms can be confused with excitement. It can be fear, but if you let it it will become fear so think if of it as excitement its not half as bad!!
    Hope that helps. Pm me if you need
    Sarah x

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2019
    Posts
    79

    Re: Holiday next weekend, dreading

    I'm have the same dread too, off to spain with family to see the mother in law.

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  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Posts
    810

    Re: Holiday next weekend, dreading

    It's so bad now I really feel I can't go. I've struggled even just going out in general and not sure if it's a step too far for me right now. Should I just tell her I can't come and hope she doesn't fall out with me? I'm really at a loss. I've been waking up every night over it and obsessing about the flight, I just can't I don't think

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Posts
    4,436

    Re: Holiday next weekend, dreading

    I think you can go, I think you are so scared that avoidance is kicking in big-time. Avoidance is what causes lots of mental health problems to be exaserbated, e.g. Agorophobia.

    I am TERRIFIED of flying (actually I made a recent post about it, a few weeks ago) and decided that after years of avoiding that this year I was not going to do it again as I was missing out on so much. Trust me, I was also not sleeping and had honestly been 'worked up' about it since it was booked in Feb, I'd even been using some lorazepam in the week leading up to the flight. I read some books on 'fear of flying' and watched some Youtube videos, and started finding some coping strategies. For me, as I said on my thread, watching the route on my phone using GPS really distracted me , as did watching the faces of the flight attendants - e.g. when a wee bit of turbulence came along, they were still laughing and joking. That calmed me. Understanding more about flying by reading can really help, and understanding that statistically your risks are immensely higher of something happening than when you travel to the airport. To be perfectly honest, my husband summed it up 'you are actually safer in the plane, than walking around on the ground'. You will need to really put some work in over the next few days, accept that you are going, and that acceptance tied with some positive reassurance by reading up on fear of flying could make all the difference. If you are travelling with someone else who is good at flying, get them to talk you through things. I was lucky my family are great fliers, and if I developed a panicked wide-eyed look they told me that what I was concerned about was normal and explained what was happening with the flight/plane.

    Spain isn't a long flight, I would have thought 1 1/2 hours max, maybe two to the bottom ? I think you will regret it, there will be some temporary relief from not having to fly, but the fact that you weren't there will still be with you and your friend for the rest of your lives.

    How did my flight go - well, I went there and back and whilst I wouldn't say it was enjoyable, it was manageable. I gripped, sweated and had tears in my eyes during take-off lol I feel great that I managed it though, and intend on flying again within the next 12 months so that I don't undo all the good stuff I learnt.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2019
    Posts
    79

    Re: Holiday next weekend, dreading

    I think I'm ok with the flying idea, I have social anxiety so the thought off going out in evening to restaurants is my worse fear, silly I know. Maybe speak to your friend tell her how you feel and some help, she might make it more manageable for you or even exept your problem. A true friend should be there to support you 100% I'm sure she be a bit pissed but honestly if you was my friend I would support you I wouldn't want you to feel that way. But suppose I know what your feeling so that's why I'd be supportive, you never know hun. Good luck.

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  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
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    810

    Re: Holiday next weekend, dreading

    Thank you guys for replying. What is the GPS thing Carys? Can you use it in flight mode? I've been looking on that flight radar app lately, to see how many planes are flying right now which has made me feel a little better. Its the take off mainly too, my heart rate and everything is insane. I have to cover my ears and eyes, I cry, generally make a real spectacle of myself! My friends are all great fliers, doesn't bother them at all so they're all reassuring me. I also will keep looking at the attendants on the plane, they do help.
    I know Chrisig, you wouldn't expect anger but I really believe she will be, and another friend has kind of warned me she'd alluded to the fact she'd be annoyed if I didn't come. Not ideal, she's been a bit of a bridezilla to be honest!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Posts
    4,436

    Re: Holiday next weekend, dreading

    Yes, put your phone in flight mode, and do google maps via GPS. You might find you keep losing signal in the middle of the plane, so I had to go by the window and keep 'refinding gps'. Then you can watch yourself making progress towards your destination! It helped me hugely, as there is a goal and end to the experience which you can see yourself moving closer to all the time 'live'. Mine is definitely the take-off that is much worse; I didn't make a spectacle of myself this time, but I have in the past by crying loudly, scrunching up my face and gripping everything in terror, and the attendant checked on me once embarrasingly LOL Flight radar is a great idea in advance too, you get to see all these thousands and thousands of planes around the globe taking off an landing all day and every day. BA do a good 'fear of flying' book which is based on their course (although I don't fly BA, tend to easyjet) which is helpful too.

    The other thing to remind yourself is that these pilots and cabin crew do this every single day as their job, over and over and over for years. Would they choose to do it if it was that risky ? Of course not, human beings have a survival instinct and generally don't put themselves in positions that could risk their lives. This time on my return flight we had turbulence that needed the seat belts on, no use of toilet and cabin crew also needed to be seated. I was in major panic mode, until I looked at the crew sat with their seat-belts on laughing and joking. Planes can't plummet during turbluence, its not possible (read the books on it!), they can get bumpy as they go over different air temps and clouds, so the seat belt signs are on to stop people having accidents and suing them for injury lol Someone I was flying with was warning me of things in advance , e.g. 'we are going down through the clouds, there might be some bumps from the air changes'.....and I found this helpful.
    Last edited by Carys; 17-07-19 at 12:13.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jan 2019
    Posts
    79

    Re: Holiday next weekend, dreading

    How did your holiday go LF87? I've been back a few days and I had no anxiety what so ever I felt great and relaxed. My bowl movements was amazing too. But now back in uk I'm have anxiety again, I'm doing my cbt stuff on line to refresh and I'm thinking I might need to up my dose of medication. I went to a museum the other day with my children, I felt so on edge (my kids are quite supportive considering there 6 and 10) I tell them alot about anxiety and my feeling and luckily my sister in law was with us as I had to keep popping to the toilet , haven this episode make me sp sluggish and meh for a few days. I'm back to work tomorrow for 2 weeks and I'm looking forward to routine again. Should I up my medication? I'm only on 50mg of sertraline. X

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