I used to come on here a lot.
I'm back.

I had a wonderful job that lasted 3 years - office assistant in a small family owned company that consists of just my boss and I. We ran the company just the two of us with me becoming the company manager and working in the office almost entirely on my own (she would be in a day or two a week at the most for a few hours and we got along and had lunches and brainstorm etc). I had full freedom and only had to deal with people on the phone or email and was happy running errands locally and seeing the postal workers, drop off customers here or there or the other tenants in the building upstairs. She closed the business and I had a great send off and full security until November if needed. I am capable of running a business but not working with several people in close quarters. I used to work with a few people at my 2 pt jobs prior (overnight stocker weekends and optician on weekdays but stuck to the back room lab a lot).

I'm so fearful of what's ahead. I went on a job interview a month ago and they commented on how nervous and shakey I was (I have benign tremors that also get worse with anxiety). It went downhill from there. In addition to that, it was a small room office with contractors going in and out all day and desks put together in front of the main door. I freaked more. I held it together the best I could but I could tell they weren't impressed with ME while they were thrilled with my resume. No call back. Abrupt end to interview. And I'll add I wasn't going to take it anyway if offered as it was lower pay and it was an uncomfortable setting for me and they were so unprofessional in the interview which actually angered me afterwards quite a bit. I got home and cried and cried. How can I expect to get another good job if I'm too shakey, too clostrophobic in close quarters and have to work with others directly? I broke down realizing my potential and qualifications but lack of adaptation to a busy environment.

I've since looked into things that are part time with larger pay vs ft with large pay and I've looked into work from home bookkeeping and virtual assistants. I feel like I am too socially awkward and too anxious to work with others. My husband works from home successfully for years and I'm looking to do the same. The office interaction and commutes just have me so anxiety ridden. He has to work from home as his company is abroad in UK and he's now living in the US with me. It is great.

For me.... I have a choice to apply to many physical jobs and a couple different fields but I can't bring myself to do it for fear of rejection and what companies may think of me or what kind of awful cringey people I may have to work with. I like to work and I like to get things done without office drama, getting to know people and without meetings.

We as a family here are financially fine whatever the outcome but I'll need work within 2 months time before my benefits for unemployment run out. Also the longer the gap of employment goes the longer I will have to explain that gap (which I have valid professional answers for but who wants to get that question and that look?).

I have medicine to deal with the anxiety at interviews but I'm worried about the day to day as it is not something I can take constantly. It's for emergencies, medical procedures and severe panic attack days. I feel like I'm psyching myself up way too much. The longer I have little social interaction with the world, the more awkward and anxious of it I get unfortunately. I'm super logic, super driven, I like to think I'm smart and talented, but boy does my anxiety tell me otherwise. My social interaction with people at stores and with people I know from town and girl scouts moms is much improved and I've even gone out to do things (does 2-3 things over a two month period count? ). I'm such an outgoing person and I love to go out and do stuff. But this work thing is really killing me here. Has anyone been in a similar or same boat as myself and what was your outcome or solution? Also does anyone happily work from home with minimal downside to it and do you still find yourself able to find social interaction in other areas of life still just fine?


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