Quote Originally Posted by lofwyr View Post
It is amazing how much time I wasted with HA when I was young, and honestly had little to worry about. These days, as I push 50, and my parents push 80, it seems like a new medical drama every few months, and none of them imagined.

My mom was diagnosed today with Squamous Cell carcinoma on her nose. I know it has a great prognosis. They weren't even worried and she will have it shaven off with MOHS surgery. SCC on the nose almost never travels wider in the body. She has had it for about seven months. The thing is, I know she will be fine, or at least, sincerely believe she will be. I know as far as cancer goes, this one isn't a big deal. Only one in 280 people who get it die from it.

And the truth is, while I am not really worried about her health, I know she is older and honestly doesn't process information like she used to. She heard "cancer" and got pretty scared. I talked her off the ledge a bit, using things my CBT taught me. I was happy to be able to help ease her anxiety.

But now, selfishly, the HA is niggling at the back of my mind, those obsessive thoughts coming to the foreground. I recognize them, but I feel like a firefighter putting out little spreading ember, the fire be catastrophic thinking and projection. I am proud of myself for seeing it in advance, before this whole thing swallows me, that is real progress. But I am irritated I feel any anxiety at all, and ashamed of how I put it on myself.

But then I have a derm appointment next month, and I have a physical next week. I have a rough, darker spot on the side of my nose, like an age spot that is chronically dry. It is likely an Actinic Keratois, as I have seen them before on my folks and friends etc. Not a big deal. And just like that, the catastrophic thinking turns in on myself, selfishly focused on me.

I have felt real progress, and backslides almost simultaneously tonight since her phone call.

It is amazing how you can make real progress with this mental illness, but as I get older, I feel like it is learning to live with a chronic condition more than something I will ever truly be "cured" of.
Hi I know your mum will be fine as SCC is curable if caught early. I've had it on my shoulder last year which was completely removed. I've have Actinic Keratosis on my scalp and a bit more that's recently come up. I think the best thing is keeping on top of it, which you are doing.

I hear where you're coming from in regards to your HA, I feel pretty much the same way, I feel so ashamed of my HA behaviour and my poor partner has to put up with me which he does, because he loves me. As I said on another post (at 62) the skin cancer thing is going to be my long term, ongoing project...I feel confident about this because I'm in good hands. We have wonderful skin specialists in New Zealand as the incidence of SK is so great, especially if you're fair skinned.

I love your attitude