Hiya guys,

Long time no see.

I was a frequent commenter here back in 2014. You couldn't tear me away from it; the HA forum was simultaneously the best and worst thing for my obsessive thoughts to be around. On the one hand, there was a lot of reassurance seeking that I fell into so easily. On the other? Posts like Cpe's "Get a plan and get on it", the wonderful comments by Fishmanpa () and the support from people going through the same thing were integral to me pulling myself out of that horrendously obsessive cycle.

I can happily say that I no longer suffer from HA. As much as that's true, however, it was an intense process to get to that point. I drove myself crazy to the point of psychosis, bruised up my body so badly from picking I looked like I had legions (which only provoked the dragon further), and alienated just about everyone in my life that I had nobody left to talk to. But I beat it.

While I don't think there's any magic way to fix all of us, I can say that anyone on this forum has already taken the first step. If you're asking yourself whether you might have HA, you're ahead of those who haven't even thought to. One great thing I found here was the gratitude thread where we each put what we're grateful for, definitely helped.

I also cannot recommend CBT enough. The next time you go to your doctor, ask if you can be referred. It won't take five seconds nor will it detract from those pesky niggles that something terrible is going to happen. Alternatively, you can download some of the amazing free worksheets and books from this forum that can help you do it yourself. After all, sometimes the wait lists for CBT can be long and it's never a bad thing to get a start on kicking something's ass. Especially if it's preventing you from living to the best of your ability. There might even be some therapists around you that you can self-refer yourself to.

Personally, I've always had depression and am crazy susceptible to anxiety. So while I'm not "fixed" in the picture perfect sense, I can promise you I veer away from the dreaded HA cycle if I ever feel it again and if I can, that 100% means you can too. Therapy also helped me to realise that my HA came from PTSD that I hadn't actually dealt with, which involved being misdiagnosed about 7 years before my bout of HA, and in realising that, it sort of made sense even though I couldn't see the logic through the fog at that point in time.

Anyway, I'm now a writer currently working on an article all about my experience with HA for Healthline (a far more trustful read than WebMD!) and researching, so I thought I'd also take the time to pop in here and hopefully give anyone who needs it a beacon of hope. As well as that, I want to thank NMP for being here in those dark times. It DOES get better. It's hard and you have to make the decision to get started on your own recovery, which is even harder, but it does.

I promise.

Em

PS, something else that really helped me was a browser game I found somewhere online that explained the "flight or fight" response, adrenaline, and thus how the OCD/cycle perpetuates itself and creates somatic symptoms. I'll pop back in here with a link if I can find it.