Heartburn and lower back pain

[LF87]

Hi,
I'm really really struggling. I'm in Spain at the moment and supposed to be a bridesmaid for my friends wedding today, but I don't think I'm going to be able to go. My anxiety is extreme. We went out as a group on Monday night and I was so hungover yesterday. I have heartburn now and a niggling intermittent pain in my lower right back, of course I've decided it's my kidneys. I feel sick with anxiety and still feel like I could throw up at any point. I don't think I can attend the wedding today and don't know how to tell her. Please help

[BlueIris]

Take a breath. Can you confide in one of the other bridesmaids?

[LF87]

I could, but they won't be very understanding. To be honest, I have found them all almost a bit bullyish about this whole holiday. I hadn't seen them for 6 months as I had been very reclusive, so coming here has really stretched my boundaries and I should not have come. But I kept being told the bride would be furious and would fall out with me, so felt I really had no choice. They don't understand anxiety, I usually get responses like don't be daft you'll be fine once you're here etc. This is how we ended up out on Monday with them all. I'm here with my bf, didn't want to go, but had texts saying 'you're absence is noted' and 'you're the only one not here' and I ended up feeling peer pressured. I don't know what to do but can't stop crying and have been up all night

[BlueIris]

Okay, what about the bride? Can you get your boyfriend to speak up for you? If you're being picked on when you're anxious that's really, really not okay.

Heading into work shortly, but I'll be around again in half an hour - feel free to reply here or PM me?

[LF87]

I don't know if they understand the severity, my bf keeps saying they mean well and just want you there. But it doesn't feel that way. I feel if my friends had been understanding I wouldn't have felt forced into being here. I am so worried about the sickness I've had. The heartburn is strong too, right into my back and I'm freaking it's my heart and not just heartburn.

[BlueIris]

It's just heartburn, I promise, but the panic is making you interpret things differently.

You really need to explain this to somebody, though.

[LF87]

I'm trying to tell my close friend via messages the situation, and she just keeps saying you'll be fine once you're there jusr get yourself along you'll be fine. My boyfriend keeps saying the same. That I'm giving in and to make myself go and I just feel very ganged up on. Am I a terrible person if I can't make it? She has 6 other bridesmaids. And she did say she was surprised I had come as she knew I'd been struggling lately so maybe she won't be so angry? I am really down and sick, everyone else just seems so relaxed and easy going

[BlueIris]

I'm sorry, it's a rotten situation. You know yourself better than anybody else, though, and if you really can't face it, that's okay.

[LF87]

Nobody is saying that to me. Just that I'm here now and get on with it. Honestly don't know what to do

[BlueIris]

What do you really want to do?