Chills at night?

[UserName20]

You are absolutely right. I know my family doesn’t really understand my anxiety. In fact my dad is pretty mean about it at times that I feel like makes me feel worse. I have seemed to be feeling better today. I just need to work on trusting my doctor. Right now I’m knee deep in medical bills. I honestly don’t know how I’m going to pay them. I had to drop my college classes and get a refund, it is a really difficult time for me right now but I’m trying to push through as best that I can. I have met my deductible but I am not sure if therapy would be covered by my insurance? I’m going to have to check into that. Either way I know I would like to get into some therapy sooner or later. It’s been a rough and rocky road the past month, but things are going to get better. I’m confident in that. I also know that I’m not done falling on my face but my grandma told me the important thing is is that I get back up and brush myself off and keep pushing forward. She has been telling me a lot lately that God isn’t done with me yet.

[Dying_Swan]

Grandma sounds like a wise lady. I know you're having a tough time and it's even tougher when you feel isolated and unable to talk about things. I'm afraid I don't really know about insurance as it all works differently here, but perhaps one of the other US members could advise. I know there is also a link for some free HA workbooks which I'll look out for you, but I know it's not the same as talking to someone face to face. Is there any chance your parents could support you in accessing some therapy if your insurance doesn't cover it?

[Dying_Swan]

The link to the workbooks is here

[UserName20]

Thank you! While I figure out if I can look into getting therapy I’m going to try and work through that book a little! I know I need to help myself too in all of this. Today was a pretty good day.. still feeling the tightness but I know I just need to trust the doctor. Which is easier said than done. I have taken my blood pressure and pulse a few times today, nothing crazy but a bit high at times. I downloaded an app on my iPhone to measure my heart rate and was horrified. The app had lots of 5 star reviews saying how it “could have saved their life and doctors found something wrong.” I held my finger over the flashlight on my phone like it said it said 150 ish. I started panicking and asked my friend to hand me her Apple Watch. ( apple designed the Apple Watch to detect heart rate ) her watch went mostly from 70- low 100’s if it went over 100. But that app on my iPhone said like 150. I sat there for 10 minutes watching my heart rate change on her Apple Watch and having the blood pressure on my arm at the same time going repeatedly and comparing numbers. The Apple Watch and blood pressure monitor never said my heart rate was that high, but that app on my phone did which just set me off. My friend just gave me a very concerned and confused look but went back to coloring. I need to delete this app off my phone... I’m just worried it’s right and my heart rate is really that high. Then again I’m not sure how holding my finger over the flashlight on my phone is completely accurate. I wish I never downloaded that stupid app. This one is definitely on me. I’m just confused as to why that app has 5 star ratings if isn’t accurate. My boyfriend got after me for feeding into my anxiety and I know he’s right. Why does my brain work like this and in my head slemhwere I know insane I sound. My friend actually took her pulse on her watch after I handed it back to her and hers read 120 and she just shrugged and laughed. I couldn’t believe she wasn’t worried at all.

[Chrysoprase]

I used to be very focused on checking my heart rate too and I also downloaded that same app. Here’s some advice I’ll pass on to you.

From my husband, who is an RN: That app is extremely inaccurate, and taking your heart rate the old fashioned way is still the most accurate option. (He also said “stop checking it all the time”!)

From my doc: Checking your heart rate often makes you anxious about what you’ll find, which makes your heart rate go up, which continues the cycle—so don’t check it all the time.

From me: Many apps pay people to leave glowing reviews. Yes, this is against the rules, but it happens anyway (I know because I’ve been paid to do that in the past, before realizing how sketchy that is). You really often can’t believe all the 5-star reviews on anything.

Hope some of this helps put this into perspective a bit!

[UserName20]

Thank you so much for your response! You’re right, I deleted that app off of my phone. I have a really hard time counting to six while counting my pulse at the same time to determine it. I’ve been using my moms home blood pressure monitor and praying that it’s right because it hasn’t said my pulse has been up that high. But when I feel my pulse on my wrist it feels fast. But the Apple Watch also said that my pulse was within normal ranges. Taking it over and over just increases my anxiety. On Snapchat one of my friends posted a picture of her friend smiling in a heart hospital and wishing him luck on his surgery tomorrow. He’s a year younger than I am and this is so selfish and ridiculous but it’s like seeing things like that set me off. That kid seems like he’s in perfect healthy condition yet he’s having surgery in a heart hospital. I feel so selfish because I hear of stories like this and suddenly I am thinking about myself and thinking if it happens to them it can happen to me. My doctor is confident that I am fine. The ER doctor seemed confident that since my ekg and blood tests were fine it was anxiety. The urgent care cardiac nurse practitioner seemed confident I was fine. I am the one who cannot accept their opinions and it stinks because I want to be able to.


I took my blood pressure and pulse on my moms monitor this morning. My pulse was 70’s. I’m not allowing myself to take it anymore today.

[Dying_Swan]

Excellent. Get rid of the app and stop checking your pulse and blood pressure. There is no need to and you'll only fuel your anxiety. Ask your mum to lock away that blood pressure monitor!

[UserName20]

I am going to start going through that workbook you showed me, Swan. I know along with the medication if im not in therapy I need to start helping myself. I am definitely wanting to get into therapy of some type. I think it will really help. I am starting to realize and accept that this all is an anxiety problem with the constant checking. I got rid of that app and felt a lot better. I still have this thing where I keep checking my pulse though with my finger and wrist. I don’t even know when I’m doing it half the time. Then yesterday I thought mine felt really slow and what did I do?? Redownloaded the app and told myself “I’m just going to take it once to reassure me.” ( of course) They turned into over and over and probably like 10 times an hour. I never got a bad reading but the number would start at like 113 or go to 113 throughout it measuring and it would scare me. And all day yesterday my chest felt fine for the most part. Then after I started checking my pulse all over it started feeling tight and I started getting scared something was wrong with my heart again. Then when I went to bed I could feel my heart pounding, maybe from being anxious I’m not sure. So then I couldn’t sleep all last night tossing and turning.😢. I know I completely did it to myself yet I feel like I cannot stop?? I also developed a sore throat yesterday and just generally do not feel good and have chills but no fever. I contributed this to something being wrong with me too instead of just a cold. My boyfriend told me yesterday I have looked tired all week. ( then I started being afraid I was looking ill from this heart thing ) it’s like my brain looks for something to worry about. At this point I realize how ridiculous I am yet I can’t stop. I think my boyfriend is trying his best to be supportive but then I also feel like he thinks I’m nuts and is starting to slowly push himself away

[Dying_Swan]

You're in a cycle of checking and reassurance. The good news is that you recognise it. An app is not going to be as accurate as a proper pulse reading, but regardless, you've no need to be checking it. That app is no use to you whatsoever. Hearts speed up and slow down as they need to, and yours is doing its job. If we're in an anxious state, our body perceives a risk and our pulse goes up. Years ago when I was about your age, I started having loads of palpitations following a period of stress. I had no anxiety diagnosis then and thought my heart was about to pack up. I was feeling my wrist constantly and freaking out with every ectopic. It was investigated, nothing was wrong so I stopped checking. Guess what? The palpitations stopped. It's not easy to put it out of your mind, but when you do, I think you'll find lots of these sensations will go away.

Talk to your boyfriend. Explain that you realise it's a challenging time for him too, but that you're seeking help and you WILL get over this, it just takes a little time and patience. Perhaps give him some ideas for how he can help (distraction etc).

[Fishmanpa]

You're in a cycle of checking and reassurance.

Talk to your boyfriend. Explain that you realise it's a challenging time for him too, but that you're seeking help and you WILL get over this, it just takes a little time and patience. Perhaps give him some ideas for how he can help (distraction etc).

True.... while it seemed forward strides were being made, the reassurance cycle is becoming more apparent again. As far as your boyfriend... Recruit him as an accountability partner. Have him be the one to stop you from posting and reassurance seeking. Making him aware of your efforts and giving him a role in your recovery can be quite beneficial.

Positive thoughts