Skin worries again

[flappergirl]

I am not doing well against the HA at the moment. I have already seen my doctor this week about a mark on my leg and again about a rosacea (skin condition) flare and now I m fretting again.

I have a pinky/red mark on my back that I had checked about 2 years ago and then again last year and both times was told it was benign. It is not bleeding, growing or changing but I am worrying all of a sudden about it. My back is itchy all over and I am worried that it is linked. It is probably the heat that is making me itchy. I worry that it is something worse though logically in that time it would have changed somehow, or I would have other symptoms.

I realise I am going from one thing to another and working myself up into a state each time. It is not healthy and I know it, but I am struggling to get a handle on it. I am doing cbt (for months now) and I have recently started the meds again. I struggle with the cbt as my worry is so strong and it’s hard to control. I know I need to try harder.

I am being tasked with only focusing on worry for 10 mins a day and this is that time now. Also challenge thinking which I am also trying to do. I have got better but not much and it upsets me that I am so weak against the HA.

Help!!

[Dying_Swan]

You're not weak. It takes time and effort and that's what you're doing. Well done There is no quick fix but you're doing the right things and sticking with it. Ok so you're worrying, but it's your allocated 10 minutes to worry. Maybe write it down, then put it away. Show it to your therapist. You're trying to rationalise about the skin mark, which is great. It's been medically assessed twice and hasn't changed. Carry on with using the logic you obviously have. You'll get there.

[flappergirl]

Thank you for your support and encouragement. I am writing more things down which helps and I have just read through an NHS health anxiety leaflet online also helps me see that all that I am doing is being led by the HA. There is probably no reason to panic but the what ifs are the hardest thing to overcome. When I deal with one, another one takes its place 🤦🏻*♀️. The therapist said take 10 mins an hour (not day....sorry....I’m not there yet!) and then put worries aside. Worrying does not achieve anything. I have been a worrier for years and in the last few years since having kids the worries have got completely out of control!

I am also considering an audiobook that I can listen to when I am worrying so that I am not focused on the symptom but overcoming the anxiety instead.

[Dying_Swan]

The "what ifs" are very difficult, I know. I have GAD rather than HA but it's very similar. We aren't good at tolerating uncertainty, at least I'm not. It's not surprising that having children has altered your anxiety. They put a whole different perspective on your life. But you really are doing the right things and I think you need to be less hard on yourself. Your CBT therapist may have already talked to you about "self-talk"? Basically that the things we say to ourselves in our heads have exactly the same effect on the brain as things others say. So if you repeatedly tell yourself that you're weak etc, you'll believe it just as much as if someone else was telling you that. The audio book sounds like a really good idea.

[flappergirl]

This is my 3rd therapist (1st one non cbt, 2nd one nhs and course ended, and this one is mind) and it has been discussed that I may have GAD as well as HA as I worry ridiculously about other things as well as health. Therapist 2 said it’s about not being in control and intolerance of uncertainty. I can certainly relate. I hate flying etc and rather drive so I have control. I worry about the kids when they are not with me and stress myself silly when my hubby is late bringing them home or doesn’t answer the phone. I am a right pickle!!

I am too hard on myself and therapists have mentioned about not trying to be perfect, or to fix it all. That is hard. Well I don’t want to be perfect but I take everything on as if it is my responsibility and some people in my life take advantage of this which doesn’t help.

The self talk thing makes sense, and I do knock myself down. Maybe I need to put some positive comments up somewhere, around my mirror to encourage more positive self talk.

[flappergirl]

Argh I am really spiralling today. I wasn’t worried about the thing a couple of days ago and it’s been there at least 2 years. Suddenly I think about it being there and my back is itchy and I am stressing out. I don’t think it has grown, it is not doing anything as far as I can tell and other people who have seen it before (family) say it looks the same. The docs have checked it out last year and 2 years ago and said it was nothing. But I am still spiralling. In a total panic. Why do I latch onto something to worry about? I am so cross with myself that I have to struggle against my HA all the time.

Finding it hard to pull back from the worries and keeping it to 10 mins an hour is hard. Need to try harder!!

[BlueIris]

Please don't beat yourself up? None of this is your fault. I'm fighting my own HA right now (I'm 42, terrified of the doctor and just reaching the age for unpredictable periods) and sometimes the fear feels as though it's going to eat me up from within.

Don't be mad at yourself, just gently redirect your attention as often as necessary.

[flappergirl]

Thank you. I am trying to work out ways to redirect my attention in positive ways, I’m thinking that exercise is a start. I don’t run but maybe I should and swimming would definitely distract me as I’d be focussing on staying afloat lol. I am on summer holidays now so I need to find good things to fill my day with rather than letting the HA gobble up all my fun and rest time.

[BlueIris]

Do you work in education? I do. Not much of a one for exercise barring pottering around, but crafting really helps me with my nerves.

[flappergirl]

Yes I’m a teacher. I always have bad flares at the start of holidays. I think it comes from my mind suddenly having less to think about. During term time, my mind is a constant whirl of things I am doing, need to do etc. I do wonder if just writing lists might even help to reduce it 🙄