Me again

[herbie73]

Thank you for your reply, I think you are right about anxiety being heightened during perimenopause, mine definitely got worse from about 41 so 5 years, I've had this breast cancer anxiety on and off since then and in between cervical and uterine cancer due to spotting, I'm constantly hot I have longer spaces between periods spots tearfulness and anxiety , I'm paranoid about breast lumps, I think every lump and bump is sinister, and convince myself I'm doomed to get cancer, I have a wonderful family a lovely husband 2 amazing daughters aged 27 and 21 and a beautiful 18 month old grandson, so i should be enjoying life xxxx

[herbie73]

Hi ladies, I was wondering does anyone have any tips on here to stop me constantly checking my boobs, it's now been a year, and I have literally checked every day and recently it's been 20 plus times a day, one minute I think this lump is normal because I have one on the other side(smaller) then Istart panicking again and start checking then I convince myself its sinister, does any other ladies on here have these glandular smooth moveable lumps just above the nipple I have similar lumps elsewhere on my boobs but this is the one I'm focused on at the moment, I know it was there in July because I had a panicky about it then; then I got over it.
I'm so sorry for going on but my ocd and ha always seems to get worse this time of year, I know I shouldn't seek reassurance from here but sometimes it's all I need to get me over it xxxx

[MJunderway]

Hey!

I don't have those kind of lumps but I do have other boob lumps. One they keep an eye on and others they tell me are totally normal. It sounds like you are stuck in an OCD loop at the moment. You mention that your HA and OCD get worse this time of year? Do you know why?

My boob lump OCD starts to tick up this month because in the US October is BC Awareness month. You cannot go an entire day without hearing or seeing something about BC in Oct. In fact, today I read an article about someone in my town having BC and I freaked out even though I had been totally worrying about something else health-related at the moment. I had to remind myself that the article was shared because it was October and not because I needed to question my doctor's wait and see approach.

When I get stuck in OCD checking loops (could be stuff on my body, could be things in the household like the stove or doors and windows), I tell myself that I am only allowed to check once a day or evening (in the case of doors and windows). I force myself not to check past that time because OCD is such a sand trap of a condition. Sometimes when my OCD is really bad like when I am about to get my period, I have to force myself to eat food because I have OCD contamination fears around food safety. I know that that level of OCD will only last for a day or two but I cannot let it rule me to the point of not eating so I push myself past the mind block. That's obviously an extreme example but I just wanted to share so that you know that there are others where you are right now.

Last thought, to your reply from my previous post, don't feel bad that you are not doing so great right now even with a great life. It's 100% normal to have periods where we feel bad or are going through a rough mental patch, or are sad for no reason, or just flat and ambivalent about things in general. I look to things like my OCD to provide me with additional info about where I might be emotionally or mentally. For me, OCD is tied into personal safety and when I get into a bad place with it, I look to see what might be going on in my life to trigger it. Hope this helps!

[herbie73]

Thank you so much for replying, I think my anxiety flares up at this time of the year because there is a lot less daylight it gets dark early here in the autumn so I think it might be seasonal, also its bc awareness month here to.
I'm going to try to limit myself to checking once a day for now it's going to be hard but I'm going to give it a go, and then hopefully I can reduce it to a normal amount, I can't understand how this particular lump didn't bother me 3 months ago I accepted it as normal breast tissue but now it's all I can focuse on, deep down I know it's normal because if I really thought it was sinister I would have been to the drs by now, I think this is how I know it's my ocd playing up, it's a horrible condition that messes with you head, it's like a stuck record xxxxxx

[MJunderway]

Thank you so much for replying, I think my anxiety flares up at this time of the year because there is a lot less daylight it gets dark early here in the autumn so I think it might be seasonal, also its bc awareness month here to.
I'm going to try to limit myself to checking once a day for now it's going to be hard but I'm going to give it a go, and then hopefully I can reduce it to a normal amount, I can't understand how this particular lump didn't bother me 3 months ago I accepted it as normal breast tissue but now it's all I can focuse on, deep down I know it's normal because if I really thought it was sinister I would have been to the drs by now, I think this is how I know it's my ocd playing up, it's a horrible condition that messes with you head, it's like a stuck record xxxxxx

I agree! OCD just plain out sucks. I've had it since childhood and it appears to run in my family on both sides. Strangely that gives me some comfort knowing that it's not something I am intentionally doing. That's great to hear that you will try to limit yourself. It's totally doable but it will be hard at times, especially if you are in an OCD flare up. Don't beat yourself up if you slip up, especially in the beginning. Try to find something that will distract you when you feel the urge to check, get up and move around, read something light like a BuzzFeed list, do something manual like the dishes, anything to get you over that hump.

Do you do light therapy? I also struggle with seasonal changes, mostly with energy levels. As soon as the light starts to change for the Fall, I find that I have a much harder time getting out of bed. I have the reverse of that in the early summer months with too much energy. I've been meaning to look into light therapy for the Winter months and might do so this year since they are predicting a lot of snow where I live. I know several people who swear by light therapy for the seasonal depression they get.

[herbie73]

I was actually thinking of light therapy I will look into it hopefully it helps and thanks for you replies it's nice to know you are not alone, also my mums side of the family suffer from health anxiety and I've had it since I can remember, I never can think a illness is curable I always think the worst, my glass is always half empty xxxx

[Carys]

Hi ladies, I was wondering does anyone have any tips on here to stop me constantly checking my boobs, it's now been a year, and I have literally checked every day and recently it's been 20 plus times a day, one minute I think this lump is normal because I have one on the other side(smaller) then Istart panicking again and start checking then I convince myself its sinister, does any other ladies on here have these glandular smooth moveable lumps just above the nipple I have similar lumps elsewhere on my boobs but this is the one I'm focused on at the moment, I know it was there in July because I had a panicky about it then; then I got over it.
I'm so sorry for going on but my ocd and ha always seems to get worse this time of year, I know I shouldn't seek reassurance from here but sometimes it's all I need to get me over it xxxx

I've given this tip before Herbie, you will not notice any changes from the 'normal' if you check 20 times a day, every day, every week. My breast surgeon said once a month is a good time-scale and no more than that. It is far more risky as a strategy to do what you are doing in terms of knowing of any breast changes. YOu will NOT KNOW if there are any changes and infact are more likely (not that BC is likely!) to not notice anything that is different. You are also more likely, very likely, to cause internal bruising, pains and so on. Does this not make you want to change your behaviour ? Remind yourself as you reach to 'check' (and you aren't checking properly anyway, just poking and prodding many times a day) that it is counter-productive to do so, a complete waste of time.

You just need to stop, there is nothing here but good old fashioned will-power that is needed.

[herbie73]

Hi ladies,
Thanks carys for your reply, I know you are totally right in what you say, but I have my ocd brain at the moment that just wont let it go, I had the same issue last year but I thought I had a breast dimple and it took about 5 months to totally get over it , now I'm focused on this one glandular movable lump that can be squished flat when I push it, which I know has been there since last year because I have one on the boob with the stretch marks, I remember being relieved when I found this lump and I remember it being bigger, but I can't let go again, i really need to look into some sort of therapy because medication doesn't work on it's own, I waste months of worrying about a symptom then I'm sort of ok for a few months then it's back again, I'm not as bad as I was last year but I'm worried I will get worse anyway I'm sorry for going on herbie xxxx

[herbie73]

Ladies please help me rationalise this lump I keep poking and prodding and I'm worried I will make it bigger then I will panick even more it feels round smooth soft and it moves I also have one on the other side but smaller, I can only really feel it when standing when I lay flat and use the pads of my hand I can't feel it, also I'm sure it's always been there but I'm having trouble believing this, it was defo there in July because I posted about it then, then I got over it and now its started freaking me out again please if anyone can offer advice I would be grateful are sinister lumps completely different and do they stand out like a sore thumb and would it have grown in 3 months please ladies I would really appreciate the support, my anxiety is getting the better of me again .

Thanks herbie xxxx

[Carys]

It was there in July, if it has changed or not you won't know as you are doing exactly as I'd advised you not to - daily/twice hourly checking ! I say it again, and this is where the will-power comes in Herbie, you have to stop the regular checking. Then in 4 weeks you come back and check again, then IF there is some change to last time you go for a quick GP check. I strongly suspect knowing your long history with a fear of BC and checking yourself, that it has always been there but you are now fixated on it. If it can't be felt when lying down then its normal breast tissue that is just lumpy and bumpy - we all have it when we reach a certain age - fat gets lost, ligaments and tissue ages and weakens and you can feel bumpy tissue inside when standing. You've got to start helping yourself Herbie, when you are told that it is counter-productive to keep checking and you just keep on checking, then you can only blame yourself for firing up your HA. Even if at some point in your life you do get BC, and I'm NOT saying you do have it now, far from it - then you won't know as you will be checking too regularly to notice a change from the 'normal'. This behaviour is putting you more at risk.