Very afraid

[fishman65]

I've deliberated over posting this on the forums as I don't even know if it belongs on an anxiety website. Last Saturday Mrs F revealed she has a lump in her left breast, that she has had discharge and flaky skin from the nipple. She last had a mammogram in late 2015 which showed a total of 7 cysts. On Monday she phoned the GP and was seen within an hour. In fact he was a registrar but anyway he's referred her to the breast clinic. They phoned yesterday morning but Mrs F was recovering from an epileptic seizure so couldn't take it, they will phone back on Monday.

I resisted the urge to google for a few days but gave in. Some info was reassuring and some frightening. Today we went for a drive through the countryside, then got some chips and sat in the car. Its just one of those everyday things couples do but when we got home I blubbed like a little kid. My mood has swung from between despair, relief and panic. The anxiety thinks its Christmas but I can't let it get in the way. Mrs F needs me now more than ever. I really cannot entertain the thought of life without her.

There's nothing anyone can really say I know.

[MyNameIsTerry]

There's nothing wrong with asking for a bit of support mate, it's what this place is about

I suspect the women on here will be your best bet for information on this. Breast clinics get a lot of referrals for all sorts of reasons from what I've seen and due to more recent NHS campaigns GP's have been using them more often, even with the fast track, as a just in case. In fact, the hospital director at mine was even in our local chip paper citing this as a resource problem causing them delays because GP's who referring for things that in the past they wouldn't because there are being wary.

So, perhaps with there being cysts and your wife's other health complications you have a GP that is making sure?

I would have thought flaky skin and discharge are things that happen to women, one of the many wonderful things they have to put up with?

[pulisa]

She will need to be seen at the breast clinic and will probably have a mammogram (because she is overdue for one) and other investigations, hopefully all on the same day. All lumps need to be investigated which is scary but good because she will get a definitive diagnosis and if she had cysts before she is going to be prone to them.

Carys is the "expert" on this but I've had a couple of fast tracks to the breast clinic so I know what happens in my area.

It must be very frightening when you don't know and are assuming the worst but I'd just advise you to take it a step at a time and make the appointment when they ring tomorrow. If Mrs F can't take the call then make the appointment yourself at the breast clinic for her. Don't delay for your peace of mind's sake. The sooner you find out the better-rumination is worse than knowledge of the true situation.

[Carnation]

Fishman, just because Mrs F has been fast tracked to an appointment doesn't mean it's the worst.
Many women get cysts and just that, but the GP is covering him/herself.
The fact it has been weeping in my opinion is good news.
I'm prone to cysts myself and they are very common with us ladies. Get the appointment rearranged with the thought that it is just a follow through and not think the worst. x

[jojo2316]

Oh goodness- the slings and arrows of life...
It is completely natural to feel the way you do. You love your wife and you are scared. Your mind is running away with you. But there is every reason to feel optimistic in this case. Firstly, the most likely outcome is that the lump will be benign. But, even if it is not, breast cancer is very rarely a death sentence. If the “worst case scenario” comes true you and your wife will get through it. It will just be a bump in the road. Good luck Fishman xxx

[fishman65]

Thank you so much you lovely people, I think I'm more scared than Mrs F but she hides it better probably. I'm trying my best to keep the house running and went for my walk around town this morning, albeit on legs as rigid as wood.

The discharge has been going on for about three months. I just need to make sure I can drive her there, the last time she was in hospital was 2014 for a gall bladder removal. She had to stay in overnight and I was a mess but I've not had a chance to rectify that. I could take extra diazepam but really don't want to as the GP surgery would be on my back.

[pulisa]

If it's possible why not get a taxi there and back? Then you wouldn't have the hassle of being able to drive, finding an elusive parking space if you do drive, feeding money into the machine if she has to stay for a few hours etc etc.

Of course she may prefer to go by herself? I always do as I can't bear to have anyone with me when having tests. I just want to get on with it and not have to worry about anyone else.

[Carys]

Hiyer Fish,

Sorry only just seen this. DONT PANIC......you know why.....as even if it is a form of breast cancer (which it might well not be with 80 percent of referrals to the breast clinic being for benign reasons)....the chances are that it will be highly treatable. I know SO MANY people who have had breast cancer, myself included, and modern treatments are individually tailored and highly effective. For the vast majority of women, treatment is totally effective and they go on to carry on quite happily with life. Going to the clinic and possibly have a mammogram, ultrasound and (IF needed) biopsy are psychologically awful, waiting for results even worse, but there are so many many thousands who have been before you and as cancer forms go this is the most treatable. I truly hope that this turns out to be something benign, of which there are many things it could be, but if not then you need that hope, optimism and statistics will be firmly on your side. Its frightening I know, but you would get through it. )

In a wee bit of a rush right now, but if you have any further questions or concerns I'll come back and check.

[pulisa]

Carys is the voice of reason and experience in all this, Fishman. It's so important not to catastrophise before you know anything at all and you don't know anything at the moment. Fix up that appointment and take it one step at a time? DON'T google-it's a pointless and meaningless activity guaranteed to cause panic and distress. You don't need that xx

[fishman65]

Pulisa and Carys thank you so much for your input on this. Well thank you everyone of course but you know what I mean. Pulisa the hospital is about 20 miles from here so a taxi would be a bit pricey. Our county hospital is closer at about 13 miles but Mrs F opted back in 2013 to go further afield because of our hossy's poor reputation. I shall just have to bite the bullet and drive. Googling must be the greatest curse of the modern age, Pandora's Box but yes I'll try to keep off it.

Carys you have given me some perspective. Its the word 'cancer' isn't it. I don't know why it petrifies me so much, well I do because I lost my Mum and brother to it. My Mum was lung cancer even though she never smoked and my brother had it between his heart and lungs. Having anxiety skews everything though doesn't it, this last week has been hell though Mrs F still manages to sleep? Though I do but that's the mirtazapine. I think at least 50% of what keeps going round and round in my head is originating in my own thought patterns rather than in reality.