What you call 'your stupid brain' is actually you. It's not an uncontrollable outside force that you have no control of. Saying things like 'I can't cope' or 'I wish' is just reinforcing the incorrect notion that you can't do anything about this.

As soon as you realise that your recovery is your responsibility and you're not a victim of something external, you might get that lightbulb moment.

You're behaving like a victim, which needs to stop.

As FMP also alluded to, you're also becoming addicted to reassurance, which also needs to stop.