How to change overthinking.

[Kendra]

Hi, I know this takes time. I settled down last night with an app on my phone but I find it so difficult to shut my brain off. Practise practise practise I suppose. I never really know if I am doing it right either.
Full of anxiety this morning again. Morning suck.
Thanks for answering me. Xx

[BlueIris]

Sorry you're feeling rough. Mornings can be awful.

[Kendra]

I hate them at time luckily today not starting work until 11am although sometimes it's better to be up and about getting ready to start the day makes you think less xx

[ankietyjoe]

I know you've explained it before, as have several other people, but I still am not clear on how to know if I'm on the right track with meditating. I know there are several different types with several different practices and end results, but what is it I'm trying to accomplish? I originally thought it was to totally clear my mind, but I would have to be brain dead for that to happen. the last time I saw my hypnotherapist he told me to "meditate on . . . "whatever subject we were talking about at the time. I thought I wasn't supposed to think while I was meditating so how can it have a subject matter?

When I listen to binaural beats, I get totally relaxed and even when the music stops I like to stay in silence for a while, but is that meditation? How will I know when I'm doing it right, and how will I know if what I'm doing now isn't just a waste of time if I'm doing it wrong? There probably is no "wrong" way as long as we keep trying, but I can't handle one more book that tells me to focus on my breathing. There is nothing exciting or audible or noticeable enough about my breathing to keep me focused on it for more than 30 seconds.
Sue

I'll try and do this in quickbit fashion!!

1 - Meditation isn't about emptying the mind. That's not possible, unless you're dead.

2 - Your hypnotherapist is really asking you to be mindful, not meditative. He/She may have their wires crossed.

3 - Listening to binaural beats isn't meditation, unless you decide to make it meditation......although any activity that relaxes you is hugely beneficial in the short and long term.

4 - Don't worry about success, this is corporate Nancy talking. Meditation is about just doing it, not winning it.

5 - Meditation is (and this is the big one) just the practice of re-focusing your attention on the subject of your meditation. That's it.

So, going back to this issue you have with focusing on breathing. You say that there's nothing exciting, noticeable or audible? You could put your hand on your stomach and focus on the movement. You could focus on the sensation of air passing through your nostrils, or even count during in breaths and out breaths...slowly. Or, you could focus on something completely different. Your meditation focus could even be on the binaural beats you listen to, although I would recommend perhaps finding another aural source of meditation as you're already getting benefit from what you're doing in terms of relaxation.

During the meditation, all you have to do is slowly re-focus your mind on the subject matter each time your mind wanders (which it will, repeatedly, probably hundreds of times). There's no need to mentally 'FFS I can't do this', as success is irrelevant. Remember, this is just practice. The point, is the re-focusing. It's the non judgemental re-focusing that is the 'magic' of meditation. I wouldn't even worry about knowing if or when it's working, because the response to meditation is a fundamental human response, but it's misjudged in modern times because it isn't an instant response that we're used to. The analogy I usually use is losing weight. If you spent 10-15 years becoming overweight, you would never expect to lose all that weight in a month no matter how hard you tried. Most people take a year or so? Some people take even longer...if they keep repeating that habits that got them there in the first place.

[MyNameIsTerry]

To add to what Joe has explained, in Professor Williams book he says you will fail at first. It's a skill to be learnt and like any skill it's trial and error.

Also, trying to achieve non thought is more Transcendental Meditation. Within the context of anxiety trying to achieve this might mean you might be trying to push thoughts away to achieve this state and that tends to be counterproductive. The aim is to sit with the thoughts that are there without being sucked in by them, be the curious observer. You can steer thoughts back but you aren't trying to push them away or eradicate them. Such changes will come to the subconscious the more you study and areas of the brain change.

Learning not to be afraid of thoughts is like learning not to be afraid of symptoms. You can't eradicate them as they are part of being human, just as any thought can be, but you can change how you deal with them.

[ankietyjoe]

To go even deeper, traditional meditation cannot have success or failure. It's merely a practice where you transition from one way of processing thought and sensation to another. It's the practice that matters, so if you practice you can't fail.

[DustingMyselfOff]

Thanks Joe and Terry.
That helps a lot, but my novice mind already has one question for you: before I start meditating, should I consciously choose a topic to meditate on, or should I just relax and see where my mind goes? And then wherever it goes, do I try to stay on one of those dozen thoughts or do I let it keep having random thoughts and see if it (my brain) chooses to focus on one more than the others?

Maybe I'm overthinking it, but I feel like I should choose a visual, or a mantra, or a subject matter to keep steering my thoughts back to. Otherwise I will have dozens of thoughts in my 15 minute session and then my meditation would be nothing more than my normal state of mind except I'd be sitting still and my eyes would be closed.
Sue

[ankietyjoe]

No it's best to pick ONE thing to focus on, and for that to be your go to subject of focus. The reason breathing is usually used is that it's always there, wherever you are.

When your mind wanders, you gently re-focus on the subject of your meditation.

It's best to have one spot where you meditate for most of the time, and it's also good to get into a routine of doing it at specific times of the day. Once in the morning and once in the evening for example. You'll only need to do 5-10 minutes to start with, but that routine is the core foundation to build on. You can choose to do it anywhere else at any time as well, but keep that routine you set for yourself.

I would still urge your breathing to be the subject of your attention, unless there's something specific about it that really bothers you.

[DustingMyselfOff]

Well since the majority of meditators suggest breathing to be the focus, apparently it must be successful and the preferred method of those who teach meditation, so I will try, yet again, to let that be my focus. But I don't hear my breathing, and I don't feel the air passing through my nose, and I find my mind wanders within 15 seconds when I try to focus on the rise and fall of my stomach and chest. So I guess THAT is precisely what I need to practice..... bringing my focus back to my boring breathing even though I get frustrated with it and look for something more stimulating to focus on.

I'm going to be a hard nut to crack on this breathing technique, but all the successful meditators can't be wrong.
Sue

[ankietyjoe]

Your mind wandering every 15 seconds is completely normal. Even wandering after 5 seconds is normal. Remember, it's the practice of re-focusing that's the point, not the actual focus itself. If you get frustrated, acknowledge the frustration and simply re-focus. Your awareness of that frustration is part of the process, and probably a source of historical anxiety.