*Please feel free to remove this thread if you feel it's unnecessary*

I really do hope that one day I can look back at this and laugh, but at the moment I am very distressed and I can't even blame my body for doing something stupid, only myself. This last week I have legitimately questioned my own sanity on more than one occasion and actually wondered whether I need to go to a mental institution. Why do I question my own sanity you say. Well what sane person would keep checking their larynx religiously just because their ocd tells them to? And I am talking about checking it internally, oh yes - they say you're never alone or 'special' and that someone else will always be going through what you are going through, but I think I'm honestly the only person insane enough to do this! I have no idea how or why this obsessive checking started or why but I've royally messed up this time. My brain was so focused on on the intricacies of my airway's anatomy that I couldn't stop, to the point where one side of my epiglottis got slightly swollen. Did that stop me? Absolutely not - I checked and checked and suddenly one morning a few days ago BAM I developed a lump on the other side that seems to be obstructing what feels like at least 2/3 of my larynx. My rational thinking is very limited and very clouded over - I most likely just made the area swell from checking or from bacteria, or created a cyst from said bacteria. Surely cancer couldn't have just appeared overnight like this? What if I didn't check enough? I've tried bargaining with myself for the last two days saying look, it's probably just either an infection or swelling, give it like a week and your body will probably sort it out. Did that work? I lasted maybe 8 hours before checking again.

I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I don't even know whether I want to go to a doctor because what are they going to tell me after hearing all this? Please people do not be like me because look where it's gotten me to :( If anyone has any suggestions on what to do feel free to tell me but sometimes I'm starting to think that maybe I am one of those lost causes - I keep trying to get off of this dreaded rollercoaster but to no success. Talk about being your worst enemy. I really do pray that one day I can laugh this off.