Hit a new all time low - please don't be like me

[AntsyVee]

So you’ve irritated it so much by “checking “ it that now it’s bleeding. Maybe it’s time to go to the doc not to have it checked, but to get some throat syrup to help reduce the swelling.

therapy won’t work if you’re not ready to do the work. Maybe it’s time to talk adding other methods in conjunction with therapy like meds, daily exercise, or diet/lifestyle changes.

[GlazedOwl]

Oh no I did say I haven't actually checked for 2 solid weeks and I'm being absolutely honest with that so it's not that! But I kept coughing and coughing and suddenly started coughing loads of fresh blood :( not just 1 tiny speck but quite a bit. And even if this lump is just a swelling i caused myself which is somewhat likely and the cough is just there (as the cough started before I made that thing pop up...) throat syrup definitely won't help as I've tried it all before and even the nurse told me there's not much to take for dry coughs. So I'm living on lozenges :/

I am taking meds. Don't exercise as I suffer with chronic fatigue but I'm debating whether I should try even the minimal amount. And my diet could be better, but I have lost weight this year even though I thought my anxiety would make me unsuccessful, so I suppose I took some positive action?

[keta]

Hi
was just reading your thread and I really feel for you. My anxiety shows in totally different department but thought perhaps you could try to gargle cooled camomile tea , camomile has all sorts of good properties for healing as well it might sooth your throat a bit even if you drank it it has sedative effects so might calm you down.
And as for exercise maybe go for short walk if you can manage that or try Pilates for beginners, I m doing that at the moment and it’s not high impact if you suffer from chronic fatigue .
hope your doctors appointment goes well , and your gp can put your mind at rest.

[AntsyVee]

Have you seen any relief after starting meds? I'm wondering if you need to talk about dosage with your doctor.

[GlazedOwl]

Hi keta, I was pondering about trying chamomile tea, I remember having it when I was a child and remember really not liking the flavor but I think I could at least somewhat tolerate it now. Pilates is also something I looked into but it's not the cheapest in my area. I'm still seeing what the local gyms are offering maybe they have that as a class I could consider. Ideally I would love to go swimming, but unfortunately that is extortionately expensive!

AntsyVee, the medication has definitely worked miracles for my sleep from day 1, I was so surprised, but anxiety wise, well maybe it does do something but I'd only notice if I stopped using it, does that makes sense? I'm a bit on the edge of potentially increasing the dose as I've read this specific med works best for sleep the lower the dose you take but I suppose I should ask my doctor a bit more about that. Although being on my third anti depressant now I highly doubt that is the answer to what I'm dealing with, as it's not like they can make the thoughts disappear :/

So I'm seeing my gp in a couple of hours and don't know how this is going to go. This morning I've checked my throat and unfortunately my religious non-checking has not fixed the situation. The lump/swelling/whatever has not gone down, it's pretty much what it was. My cough I think is getting worse and I don't know whether it's because of it. It also feels like the cough only goes through one side, i.e. the one that hasn't got the swelling, so that unnerves me even more. I just don't know, I've probably caused myself what I feared the most and I don't know what to do :(

[AntsyVee]

I've been on an AD for years now, and for the most part, they do make my irrational thoughts disappear. However, sometimes they do seep through, especially when I'm stressed. Then I will have the irrational thoughts, but I don't dwell and ruminate on them. Once in awhile I will, and the coping mechanisms I've learned in therapy help me through that.

This is why I wondered about your dosage. Maybe adding an AD to the med you're on for sleep might help? It's a bunch of trial and error, but once you find the right combo or dosages, it's worth it.

What did the GP say?

[GlazedOwl]

So I went to the GP and through a bit of crying explained my embarrassing stupid situation and at least I didn't get kicked out I suppose lol he was quite understanding, in the end he seemed hesitant to send me to a doctor again because this lump just sounds like either scar tissue or swelling because of...well duh but I did say there is no way I can just forget about it, so I think I'm getting referred and can just pray my ent will see me, AGAIN. I really, really hope I can just laugh about this in the future but wow today is just bleak :( ANYWAY - we did mainly talk about my sanity or lack thereof and he did say he doesn't feel like I need to see a psychiatrist again, he is highly suggesting I do go back to see a psychologist again though.
We did chat quite a bit about my medication - currently I am actually on an antidepressant that is used as a sleeping agent, so I mainly use that for that. He did say that anti depressants usually start working for anxiety in the high doses, while I've always been on the low end. He also said it is possible to try combinations of antidepressants and I will be honest I've always been under the impression that medications shouldn't be mixed, you should just stick to one? Anyway he did double my current dose but I am a little bit hesitant for some reason? I'm just scared the higher I go the more difficult it'll be to come off.
Anyway I just checked my throat AGAIN!!, and I don't get what is wrong with me. 2 weeks I managed, did it once and now I keep wanting to do it every 5 minutes! I'm gonna try my darnest to try and not check for at least a week again, because just wow. I really did think it would get easier with not doing it for 2 weeks, I have no idea what I'm doing wrong :(

[AntsyVee]

Good. Double the dose and see how it goes. It can’t hurt to try.

Why do you have to come off an AD? Isn’t it better to stay on an AD and live with little to no anxiety that to stop an AD and live in fear?

you have an urge to check cause you went to the doc...now your anxiety irrationally wants you to check and see if the doc is right. This is how HA OCD works.

[GlazedOwl]

Yeah I suppose I need to I just don't know why I'm so hesitant. I suppose I just don't like taking medicine as it is, and don't want to be taking more than I need. Then again, if I do need a high dose...

Well I didn't *have* to come off of them, I just felt like they were doing nothing for me so I decided to ditch them. Stupidly, without telling the doctor, though eh it's the lowest dose there's no way to taper off anyway? Well I paid the price I suppose. Lesson learnt :/

My anxiety is skyrocketing very much today. I feel like my throat is getting worse - yesterday after trying to suppress my cough for a couple of hours while chatting to someone I felt quite sickly by the end of it - face felt full and I felt slightly nauseous which scared me. This morning was actually quite good, cough not too bad but then I left for work and it just got worse and worse. It's not even the cough that was bad, but me trying to not cough for as long as possible again ended in me feeling nauseous and then had quite strong pain on the side of the lump, and just downhill from there. The nauseous feeling just keeps up the stupid cancer thought and as per usual, it's terrifying :( Had that stupid lump for 3 weeks + now and even though I'm not checking it feels like everything is getting worse. And god knows how long I have to wait for the ent to see me again. Some nights it really does feel like I'm going insane from the fear.

[AntsyVee]

Yeah, I’ve never really understood the hesitation that some people have for taking psych meds. Would you hesitate to take insulin if you were diabetic or use an inhaler if you were asthmatic? No, cause you’d need it to live. But many of us, myself included, need psych meds to live a normal life. Honestly, the longer a person’s mental illness is unchecked, it lowers (is highly correlated with a lowered lifespan) our lifespans anyway. So to me, I’m not sure why psych meds and mental health aren’t taken as seriously as other health conditions.

what are you doing at night to distract yourself from dwelling on your fears?