HIV fear.

[Olivia_H]

Hi everyone. I'm fairly certain I have OCD, so it makes sense that I fixate on things and constantly ruminate. My latest issue is HIV. I'm so scared that I caught HIV from my highschool boyfriend when we were 16-17, 7 years ago when I gave him unprotected oral sex one or two times. I've taken two BioSURE HIV tests since then (outside of the testing window, so they're considered conclusive), both were negative. I've also had a million blood tests, not specifically for HIV but full blood counts, liver function tests etc just because I'm on other medication and it's important to monitor my levels, and nothing has ever come back wrong other than slightly elevated prolactin. BioSURE has a 99.7% accuracy rate, and furthermore, NEGATIVE test results are considered to be 99.99% accurate. Literally, 0.01% away from 100% accurate yet I'm sitting here terrified I caught HIV from a *very* low risk person with a *very* low risk method of transmission with TWO negative results at 99.99% accuracy.

What is the deal with that? It's actual insanity. I realise as I write this that I look like a nutter, and I probably am, I'm also not sure what I want to get out of this post. Reassurance maybe?

Anyone else had similar fears? Anyone knowledgeable about HIV able to chip in?

Thanks for reading my mental rambling.

[BlueIris]

You're not nuts, but you're having a very rough time. You need to speak to your GP to get some help.

[carriewriting]

Sorry you are feeling this way Olivia. Health anxiety is very similar to OCD. Once we get fixated on something, it's very hard to stop worrying about it. I convinced myself I had HIV last year after I had a endoscopy. It was for reflux but I got a call to say one of the biopsies showed I had inflammation in my stomach. They ordered a blood test and I went into melt down mode thanks to Dr Google. I convinced myself I had HIV caught from my ex as he had cheated on me. It turned out to be...inflammation, no clear reason and specialist said no further action required. I recently read a good book about anxiety where the author said the worst thing we do is not talk about our anxious thoughts. Instead we internalise them, which makes them grow and grow. When I get into anxiety spirals I call a helpline just to talk it through out loud. It helps a lot until I can get in to see my GP. Sending you lots of positive thoughts.

[Olivia_H]

Thanks for the replies guys. It's ridiculous that a 99.99% accurate test doesn't reassure you when you have anxiety, isn't it? I plan on going back to my GP to discuss some kind of non-SSRI medication, as I've been on SSRI's multiple times and found they did nothing. I also feel like I should enquire about some kind of therapy because it's just not a liveable existence when you're constantly worried to death about things that make no sense.

[BlueIris]

Oh, I agree completely. Before I found meds that worked I barely felt as though I was even existing.

[Olivia_H]

Like, how can not one but TWO 99.99% accurate C.E marked tests NOT reassure me? It's ridiculous. The rational side of me laughs at this but it just doesn't stop it from feeling real.

[BlueIris]

This is why anxiety is so evil. Don't feel bad because you need a little extra help? Most of us have been there at some point or other.

[RadioGaGa]

If you walked into a bog standard GUM clinic here in the UK asking to be tested specifically for HIV after giving a (heterosexual) blowjob, I'd be surprised if they'd recommend testing. Even if you're a higher risk, male to male encounter, id be surprised if they'd test over this.

If you read the literature, there was a large study done in (I think) Spain, which followed couples where one was HIV+ and one was HIV-

These couples EXCLUSIVELY practiced oral sex (no anal or vaginal intercourse). Over the study period (I can't remember the duration, but it was a long time) nobody contracted HIV.

As I've said on here before, hiv is actually quite difficult to contract. Think how many people of all ages practice unprotected oral sex - if this was a route of transmission, I'd argue that more people would have HIV than not!

You have nothing to worry about.

Good luck

[stadbab]

trust me, i’ve been there, and thankfully never been diagnosed with anything worse than good ol’ mononucleosis. nothing you’re experiencing sounds like a stand-out symptom of HIV, i promise you. it’s good to be cautious after any sexual encounter, but maybe not so cautious that you’re still worrying about it 7 years down the line. 💜

[Olivia_H]

I just wish the two tests would reassure me, lol. TWO NEGATIVE TESTS I keep repeating to myself but it doesn't seem to make a difference.