Need a bit of a vent

[lofwyr]

It just seems endless, the seesaw of back and forth, to and fro, anxious one minute, fine the next. Medical stuff has been flying at me at the rate of two or three issues a year now.

I am awaiting the official word of the biopsy, but my derm seems pretty sure what I have going on on the bridge of my nose is micronodular basal cell carcinoma. Obviously, anything can happen and it isn't cancer until it is, but it walks like a duck, talks like a duck.

I know basal cell is rarely deadly. In fact only 1 in 6000 people who get it will die from it, and most of them are the very elderly patients with other health issues.

That said, if this comes back as what my derm thinks it is, it is an aggressive form of the disease. While that doesn't make it particularly more fatal or anything like that, in my case, it covers a lot of real estate and it is a more invasive form. I have let this slide for 8 months, initially thinking it was an age spot. I am projecting, of course, as one does when the dragon is at the door, but I am honestly having a hard time not doing so, even using the tools I have in the tool box. While I expect to live a happy life, unencumbered by BCC, I made the mistake of looking up how they deal with it. Woops.

The scars left from much smaller BCC than mine can be huge. Mine has all the markings of a well developed cancer, and the visible portion on my nose is maybe 1.5 x 3 cm. Maybe a bit bigger. I am catastrophising and projecting massive reconstructive surgeries, and something unpleasant to look at on the road there.

Aside from my venting, I am pretty much curious if anyone here has had massive, reconstructive mohs surgery? Any dealing with larger basal cell cancers? Maybe reconstructive surgery for something else?

I am keeping my fingers crossed, but my dermatologist didn't seem real hopeful it would be benign, which makes it hard putting my head in the sand and ditching the anxiety.

[MyNameIsTerry]

A couple of things spring to mind here, not even considering the anxiety side.

1) It's bad news for elderly patients mainly yet you have an older mother who has just been through similar and is fine

2) You left it 8 months. You will know being a HAer that leaving a cancer for that long can be very bad news to the point of being very seriously ill. Therefore doesn't this back up what you know about this type of cancer in that it is a slow growing form with a very successful treatment rate? My elderly dad left one over a year (it may not have been the same) but everything went fine and it was bigger than your measurement.

Yes, it may look nasty when it's done because it's going to swell up. You will likely have a ping pong ball type bandage on your nose for a week or two to allow it to heal and yes you may not be pretty during that period. But if they need to graft it will be a relatively simple procedure and the skin colour will start to equalise to the rest of your face.

Your specialist is confident and that counts for a great deal. They wouldn't tell you the opposite if they didn't believe it. And they will have seen many of these in all shapes & sizes so understand a great deal from experience.

And give yourself a break. Anyone going through these things is entitled to some worry, you just need to keep it in a range where it doesn't take over.

What does your mum think?

[lofwyr]

Thanks Terry, it means a lot.

It seems like we get a reprieve from anxiety, and then get dragged back in. The world is cyclical, I suppose, and I feel sometimes like the anxiety is just how the mis-wiring in my brain deals poorly with the stressful bits.

I can handle looking a bit worse for wear. To be truthful, I never thought of myself as much of a looker anyway, and it's not like I am out to impress anyone save my wife. She is beyond understanding at any rate.