Anyone else had obsessive HIV/AIDS worries?

[Olivia_H]

Hi everyone. I'm currently going through a really high spike of HIV anxiety. This started a year ago out of the blue, back when I remembered that I actually performed an unprotected "blowjob" (lovely) on my highschool boyfriend when we were 16-17. I took two BioSURE HIV tests and they were both negative (obviously) but for some ridiculous reason it just doesn't reassure me. I know that this is common amongst people with OCD and health anxiety, but what the heck is that all about? How can two 99.99% accurate tests NOT reassure someone that they DON'T have what they fear they have?

I've noticed a few people on here talk about HIV fears, feel free to share your experiences below because my mind is boggled at how immovable this fear is.

[Ben1989]

I don't have HIV fears but I understand your concern as it lies without symptoms until it develops into AIDS. I think this is the source of your anxiety as it is in your blood with no way of self-testing and it is symptom-less. People have the same fears with cancer as some early cancers are symptom-less. It's the same anxiety but a different disease.

You don't have HIV. At all. There is no test that is classed as 100%. If something was 100% it would open up law cases etc. Even though it's classed as 99.99% it is basically a 100% test. Mathematically speaking, even if it was 99.99% that is 1 out of 10,000, you had it twice which is 1 in 100,000,000 which is one hundred million.

[ankietyjoe]

How can two 99.99% accurate tests NOT reassure someone that they DON'T have what they fear they have?

The problem here is repeated thought patterns. Anxiety and fear is centred in (simply speaking) the old caveman part of the brain. This part of the brain is not good at rationalising fear, it either runs or it flees (fight or flight). Your conscious part of the brain CAN rationalise, but can also be self defeating. The issue here is that the two parts of the brain are connected and feed back from each other. If you think about HIV, or repeat conscious negative thoughts about HIV, your caveman brain struggles to tell the difference between imagination and reality.

One trick would be to have a mantra, that you say out loud if necessary. Something like "I have had the tests, I know I'm safe". It sounds simplistic, but the caveman brain IS simplistic. You need to retrain that autonomic fear response over time, and it may take weeks or months, but the repeated mantra does work. You could also combine it with physically walking away and doing something else as you say it, messaging the caveman brain that the fear of HIV is unimportant.

[BlueIris]

Exactly, Joe.

What worked for me during a bad blip a few years back was reminding myself to think with my front brain (i.e. my more evolved cognitive functions) rather than my hindbrain (where all those unhelpful caveman instincts come from).

Every time I felt the panic and the what ifs welling up, I'd say "Front brain, Iris", and visualise my consciousness shifting from the back to the front of my head. It's a ludicrous trick, of course, but it really did the job for me when I was struggling with my HA.

[Olivia_H]

Thanks for the replies guys.

You don't have HIV. At all. There is no test that is classed as 100%. If something was 100% it would open up law cases etc. Even though it's classed as 99.99% it is basically a 100% test. Mathematically speaking, even if it was 99.99% that is 1 out of 10,000, you had it twice which is 1 in 100,000,000 which is one hundred million.

Thanks for the maths there. The test is 99.7% accurate as is, but negative results (like mine) go up to 99.99% accurate due to false positives being a tiny possibility and obviously they have to market it at its lowest accuracy rating, and something like 3 out of every 1000 positive results will be false positives.

The problem here is repeated thought patterns. Anxiety and fear is centred in (simply speaking) the old caveman part of the brain. This part of the brain is not good at rationalising fear, it either runs or it flees (fight or flight). Your conscious part of the brain CAN rationalise, but can also be self defeating. The issue here is that the two parts of the brain are connected and feed back from each other. If you think about HIV, or repeat conscious negative thoughts about HIV, your caveman brain struggles to tell the difference between imagination and reality.

One trick would be to have a mantra, that you say out loud if necessary. Something like "I have had the tests, I know I'm safe". It sounds simplistic, but the caveman brain IS simplistic. You need to retrain that autonomic fear response over time, and it may take weeks or months, but the repeated mantra does work. You could also combine it with physically walking away and doing something else as you say it, messaging the caveman brain that the fear of HIV is unimportant.

I've been trying to do some form of mantra but I worry that it falls under 'reassurance' which I'm not supposed to be doing with health anxiety/OCD (according to experts) but perhaps it would be a good form of reassurance. I've started twanging a rubber band around my wrist whenever I get these thoughts and feelings, apparently it's supposed to jolt you out of it.

[Midnight-mouse]

I've been trying to do some form of mantra but I worry that it falls under 'reassurance' which I'm not supposed to be doing with health anxiety/OCD (according to experts) but perhaps it would be a good form of reassurance. I've started twanging a rubber band around my wrist whenever I get these thoughts and feelings, apparently it's supposed to jolt you out of it.

Self reassurance isn’t necessarily a bad thing at all, I think seeking it from outside sources is the problem that looks at fixing. Telling yourself that you are fine and understanding that it’s just an anxious thought is very useful in dealing with this.

Positive vibes,

Mouse


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[Olivia_H]

Self reassurance isn’t necessarily a bad thing at all, I think seeking it from outside sources is the problem that looks at fixing. Telling yourself that you are fine and understanding that it’s just an anxious thought is very useful in dealing with this.

Positive vibes,

Mouse


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Yeah perhaps you're right. I've been dying to take another test either myself or at a clinic but I know that falls under the negative kind of reassurance, and the odds of me believing a third one after already having trouble believing 2 aren't very high. I'm just fed up of my silly brain now. Father and boyfriend think I'm nuts and I'm DRIVING them nuts haha.

[ankietyjoe]

Self mantra's aren't reassurance. Taking a third test is.

And there's when you say 'my silly brain', I think it's important to tell yourself that your reaction is under your control. You have simply formed habits of reassurance seeking, and that's what you need to break. That takes a long time, so you need to practice it every day, for months if necessary.

[Olivia_H]

I start to think of things like "what if the tests weren't legitimate as they were purchased on amazon instead of the companies site" etc. Despite having the CEO's daughter who works for the company TELL me that they've been through numerous regulatory checks to *ensure* that the tests are safe to perform via amazon. I also have the nagging factor that the tests were self tests, and despite their 99.99% accuracy for negative results, I feel as though for some reason it would be more legitimate if it was a clinic test.
Problem with anxiety and OCD is that you can't outsmart yourself, and its yourself that is sending anxious thoughts. Going to try my best to mantra myself out of it.

[ankietyjoe]

Problem with anxiety and OCD is that you can't outsmart yourself, and its yourself that is sending anxious thoughts. Going to try my best to mantra myself out of it.

Yes you can, by practising the opposite thought patterns that you're practising now.

What people tend to forget is that you've been practising those negative thought patterns for months or years. You can't change it overnight, but unless you do start doing the opposite every day it will never stop.