Hello

I am currently going through a bad anxiety bout. I have been jumping from one thing to the next, getting the all clear, then panicking about something else - typical anxiety symptoms I know.

However I have been worrying about bowel cancer recently: I have lost weight (but didn't eat much at all during a particularly stressful time a few weeks ago and since then my appetite has been up n down. I was also getting the odd pain in my right side. I went to the doc who was not at all concerned and was feeling ok. Then the day after my appointment I went to the loo and after wiping I noticed a spot of bright red blood on the paper. It wasn't much and I didn't see any anywhere else. Of course, after worrying about BC the day before I completely freaked out. I tried to rationalise by telling myself it was probably from wiping too hard.

I went to the doctor yesterday who examined me and said I had a pile and that was the cause of the blood. I was so relieved but since then the doubts have started to kick in. She was running very late and was very stressed when I saw her. So I'm wondering if she saw a pile and just assumed that it was that.

Now it gets really bad...since then I have been checking constantly (not even when I go to the loo) and every time I do there is blood on paper. I have been poking around and prodding and know that this will probably make the bleeding worse. I am trying hard to say that if I keep getting the blood when I rub tissue there, then it's proof that I have a pile that is bleeding. But I can't stop checking. I am now scared to have a bowel movement in case i see blood in the stool, which will just send me over the edge.

I know I sound crazy, but has anyone else experienced this or got this anxious about it? My hubby says I need to trust the doctor. But what if I see blood in my stool? What if the bleeding is not coming from the pile? What if the initial blood was actually because of BC and the rest has been caused by me prodding, making it sore and the doctor not realising?

Please if anyone can help me be rational I would really appreciate it.