Self-Harm

[*Broken_Mind*]

Thank you for those kind words bill.

Im really scared of being sectioned. Im convinced i will end up in a mental hospital.

Will the doctor section me because i have sooo many problems?

[Bunty]

That's what stops me from telling my doctor. I don't want to be sectioned.

self harmed again last night. Got to go back to work on Monday after having 3 weeks off ill and I'm so worked up about it.

I've thought about writing it down so if can't say the words to my doctor I can give him the note!

Some doctors will speak over the phone - maybe you could try that?

[Jimbo]

The only time you could be sectioned is if you present a serious danger to yourself, to keep you safe. I think what's important to remember is that your self harm is not intended as suicidal behaviour, it's 'para'-suicidal.

It's not likely to do you serious harm unless you make a mistake. But it can become that serious if you are very depressed or distressed, or it can build up over a long time to this. But that is the time you should definitely be seeking help as hospital would be the best place to keep you safe if need be.

Getting some help from the GP and then the local MHT, who have probably seen everything many times in their careers is the best thing to do.

Jim

[*Broken_Mind*]

I made an appointment for wednesday at 5:40pm - im gonna try my best not to chicken out this time.

The bit about sectioning you said jim reasured me - thanks so much!

[Bunty]

I did it!! I've just told my doctor about my self harming.
One of the reasons I wanted to tell him was that I wanted to be able to tell you what the reaction was so it might put your mind at rest for your appointment.

We had a long conversation about why I do it and how I feel about myself. My doctor spent 45 mins with me. Because I spent the whole weekend trying to figure out how to tell him I've written here exactly what I said in the hope it might help you.
I first said to my doctor 'I have something to tell you but I'm very worried about telling you'. I don't know why but I was expecting a bad reaction but instead he just said 'okay, tell me'. There was a bit of a pause at this point as I was trying to get the words out!! I finally said 'I have been self harming' so he then asked me what I did.It was really difficult to say the words 'I cut my arms with a razor' and when he asked if he could see my arms I said no!! But very gently he asked again so I showed him.

He was so caring and there was no judgement made - and no mention of medication or being sectioned!!
He gave me advice, also asking me to think about ways I can stop myself - he suggested that I get a punchbag and proceeded to show me how to punch correctly to lesson any injury. He said that I wouldn't want to have really noticable permanent scars on my beautiful arms (it made me smile as I don't think there is anything beautiful about me)

Please try your best to tell your doctor. Mine was so calm and understanding I'm quite shocked. I had built up such a negative picture of how I thought my doctor was going to react and expected to be judged severly. I was totally wrong and am so relieved that he now knows.
He told me I can phone him at any time if I want to speak to him and can go and see him when I want.

I really hope this helps you. I rushed home because I couldn't wait to tell you!

Good luck
Bx

[Jimbo]

Well done B,

Glad you managed to do it. I remember when I said pretty much those exact words too. It is scary, but a huge relief in a way.

Hopefully you can get some support in stopping. Remember to go see him if things carry on and talk about other ways they can help. Perhaps seeing the practise counsellor if they have one might be useful.

Jim

[*Broken_Mind*]

WELL DONE B!!!!

Thats so amazing, im really happy for you!!
It has given me soo much courage and hope knowing you did it and it all went well. Ive smiled so much reading your post!

Only two days till my appointment now, im determined to get myself help. The urge to hurt myself is getting so strong its hard to fight, im in quite a bad place at the moment so its even stronger.

How does it feel now you have admitted it b?

Stacey =]

P.S Well done once again!

[Bunty]

hi stacey

thank you for your kind words. I'm so happy it's helped you.

It's a relief that someone knows and my doctor reacted so perfectly.I've spent the whole time since then thinking about it. I wanted to self harm last night but I didn't. I punched a cushion, paced around my flat, listened/sung to music, played a computer game and did a lot of tidying instead. Everytime I had the thought to self harm I said out loud 'NO i'm not doing it'. I've got a feeling that from now on my doctor will ask to see my arms when I go to see him so that is added incentive not to do it but I'm not scared of him seing new cuts if I do self harm.
I'm going to see my manager today and discuss things that we can put into place at work when I have a panic attack (I've been signed off sick for a month now as I've got problems with my spine). If I put things in place to help then I will worry less. Then I should stop getting so depressed. My doctor gently asked why I set such rediculous expectations for myself when I don't expect it from other people. This has really made me think as I couldn't answer him. I worry far to much about what people think.
We spoke about my low opinion of myself and where that came from. He asked what my thoughts were before self harming but the only thought is an overwhelming urge to self harm so from now on I'm going to make notes to see if there is something that trigger it.
I probably will self harm in the future but I don't think I will beat myself up so much about it as I now have someone to talk to about it who won't judge me. Tomorrow I'll be telling my EFT therapist as I've realised that hiding it from the proffessionals trying to help me means I'll never totally get over it. i'm dreading telling him and have already written it all down so I can hand him the piece of paper if I bottle out but I'm going to have to discuss it. I've done it once this week so I may as well do it again!

My doctor said I must try to find something to release the anxiety when I want to self harm. I think I might go for the punch bag that he suggested. And he said I need to do things to make myself feel good. This is very difficult when I don't go out and socialise at all.I have no-one to talk to as my friends gave up on me. I've also realised how unhappy I am in other areas of my life so am now planning how to change things. I'm going to go part time at work and I'm trying to work up the courage to do voluntary work - maybe visiting the elderly who are lonely. This would be a way for me to help others and give some meaning in my life.

Anyway, I've written an essay for you - sorry about that.

keep strong and let me know how it goes. I believe you can do it!!
bunty x

[bearcrazy]

hi, I talked to Nic about having a forum in a room for self harmers perhaps monthly. have looked into getting an expert but with no luck so far. Do you think it would help?

[*Broken_Mind*]

Hey =]

Thats really cool your boss will help you like that! I got fired the other day because i was off sick (it was one of those days were i just couldnt get out of bed)

Ive tried other things other than cutting myself, but i always end up back doing myself some harm. I find pinching does the same trick too but i get less satisfaction. I think i love my scars...how messed up am i :S

Ive probably scared you off from talking to me now with that revelation, no one really wants to talk to a freak like me now do they.

I know this may sound stupid but im fairly new to this all, whats an EFT therapist?

Hope your doing well bunty!

Stacey =]