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Thread: Cancer fear after mum died.

  1. #1

    Cancer fear after mum died.

    Hi mum died two weeks ago of a cancer she never knew she had. She was admitted to hospital on the Monday as she had a pneumonia they then discovered she had cancer metastasised everywhere. She really only complained of a back ache for 4 months. Then got a chest infection which is what hospitalised her. She died 3 days after we found out she had cancer. I was with her all the time to the end. I have flashbacks of those last few days. It has put me into a complete spiral. Let alone the shock and grief. I’ve got pains in my groin which is freaking me out. I had it on one side for about 2 months and it went away which I never worried about. But Now this week it has started on the other side. My head is all over the place. My back hurts and my head is spinning with thoughts of cancer and death.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2019
    Posts
    344

    Re: Cancer fear after mum died.

    Julesbeachy,

    First and foremost, my extreme condolences to you and your family. I can't even imagine all of the thoughts and feelings you are having during this very difficult time.

    Your feelings about having cancer are completely valid. As you navigate this, please remember that it's OK to have these fears but do so rationally. Keep in mind that you just had a traumatic experience and the brain will create stories out of trauma. Ground yourself in reality and remember that there are a litany of possible reasons as to why your groin hurts including stress which I imagine you have been under due to your mum's passing. As always, if you are anxious, go see a doctor and begin the process of recovery by taking that step. When given the all clear, work through the grieving process. Trauma has an incredible way of imprinting on the brain thought patterns that can become very ingrained. Be sure that you are taking time for yourself and getting both the medical and psychological help you may need.

    Best Wishes.
    __________________
    I asked myself one day, "What if I actually don't have cancer? What if I'm not really dying? Then surely I'm alive and should be living."

    Not a doctor or a psychologist, just a guy who's been to a lot of them.

  3. #3

    Re: Cancer fear after mum died.

    Thank you so much. Your reply really grounded me from my tailspin. I contacted my local counsellors yesterday as I know I will need it. The last few weeks have been traumatic. I suffered with health anxiety 12 years ago and have managed it fairly well since mind you I have been on citalopram which helps immensely. I just don’t want to fall down that rabbit hole again. I suspect my mum had other symptoms which she never shared. She also had a terrible fear of cancer. Bless her she thought she had cancer for 50 years. She was 70 when she died from actual cancer. Which shows what a waste in worrying is.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    Posts
    756

    Re: Cancer fear after mum died.

    I don't have much good advice, I just want to say I'm so sorry for your loss and defiantly see about going to counselors. You've really had your life shaken up so quickly. Your fears are very understandable right now. Sending positive thoughts your way x

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    934

    Re: Cancer fear after mum died.

    I am very sorry for that sudden and unexpected loss.

    That it put you into an HA tailspin is completely understandable. Do you have a therapist you can speak with, or a counselor?

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
    Posts
    354

    Re: Cancer fear after mum died.

    I'm sorry about your mother. I went through similar feelings when I lost my father suddenly. This is such a difficult situation, because your anxiety is all mixed up with your grief, and it's so much to deal with at once. It would be a shock even if you had never had health anxiety. The counselor can help, for sure.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    24,667

    Re: Cancer fear after mum died.

    I feel your pain and I'm truly sorry for your loss. I lost my mother New Years Day 2017. Granted she was not well, had dementia and some other medical issues but when she crashed, they found out she had cancer that had metastasized and a large tumor in her chest. It was just a few weeks from the time she went into the hospital until she passed. For me the difference was I knew it was coming as her decline was quite evident.

    I don't doubt you're feeling symptoms and with what happened and with your anxiety, there are bound to be some morbid thoughts. As others suggested, look into some grief counseling as the shock of losing her and the reasons and circumstances behind it have thrown you for a loop. I can tell you from experience, it does get easier. It just takes some time.

    Positive thoughts
    __________________
    "Eat. Drink. Enjoy the work you do. Be thankful for the blessings God gives you in this life. Live, love and seek out the things that bring your heart joy. The rest is meaningless... Like chasing the wind." King Solomon

    The best help is the help you give yourself! http://cbt4panic.org/

  8. #8

    Re: Cancer fear after mum died.

    Thank you all so much. I’ve sent a message to our local counselling service. It takes about 28 days. Mums funeral is next week. Then I’m going to return to work as I’m just sitting around thinking of every ache and pain and thinking of my mum and crying all day. It’s been such a terrible time. Thank you all it’s really helped.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    16,747

    Re: Cancer fear after mum died.

    I am so sorry, Jules. The shock must be immense and you are dealing with grief, trauma and exhaustion which all combine to stir up your HA. I hope you can get some grief counselling as soon as possible after the funeral. You must feel completely devastated and all over the place but there is so much to do..I hope you have some family who can help you.

  10. #10

    Re: Cancer fear after mum died.

    It was just so quick. I’ll never forget the first night I walked into the hospital. She looked so poorly. They told us it was a bacterial infection/pneumonia/chest infection they weren’t sure. She had fluid on her lungs. (Pleural effusions) I knew it was more than that. I think they did too. When they told us 4 days later she had malignant cells in the fluid and lung cancer with just days left it just blew us apart. Last year I moved away so this year only saw her every 6 weeks. Whereas before we used to meet up every week. But I had seen her 6 weeks previous she looked fine. Just terrible back ache. They don’t know the primary source of the cancer. So many anaswered questions. And my dad doesn’t want an autopsy. My husband has been amazing. He was in the room when I held mum whilst she took her last breath. I keep replaying that last week and getting flashbacks. Cancer is so cruel

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