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Thread: Obsessed with morality/laws.

  1. #1
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    Obsessed with morality/laws.

    I just feel like I'm losing my sanity. I believe I have OCD, and I have a very obsessive nature. For a year now I've been obsessed with morality, completely obsessed with it. Obsessed with my actions, obsessed with my thoughts. Its ruining my life now and I dont feel comfortable talking to a therapist about anything.

    At the moment the things I deal with are, I am too scared to learn to drive incase I cause an accident and end up in jail, I walk a certain way in in shops so CCTV is clear that I am not stealing anything, I check my pockets/bag to makesure nothing fell in. I make sure I am safe browing constantly and visiting only a few sites (facebook/youtube etc) and definitely not adult sites as I am too frightened I could come into contact with an illegal link or pop up or something. I talk about these intrusive thoughts/fears with people on facebook intrusive thought support groups, and I have this horrible thought that my fb messages will be hacked and everything will be interpreted wrongly and I will be falsely accused of something just because I am talking about these absurd but distressing thoughts. I always have to check to makesure I've not written false untrue confessions anywhere (this one is ridiculous but I really do feel the need to be certain I havent). I cannot read the news, I cannot bare to read news stories on crimes or criminals and when I do I feel immense anxiety. I read them sometimes to check how I feel, and if I am disgusted by the crimes etc. I confess and reassurance seek constantly, if i tell a lie or gossip, i confess. I want to be honest and morally perfect and i know that's probably impossible.i also mentally review all memories I have to makesure I have not been immoral in the past.

    My thoughts even convince me posting or speaking about these thoughts is a crime. I understand the ridiculousness and irrationality, and yet I cant stop this absurd/distressing thought pattern. Its been a year of suffering with this theme and I dont know how much more I can take.

    This is really debilitating, I'm barely living my life. I always have to check if I am a moral person, I think I am one of the most law abiding people and never have I had the intentions to not be that, but these obsessions are ruining my life. I cant live like this.

  2. #2
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    Re: Obsessed with morality/laws.

    Mav, you haven't posted in a bit. Last time it was about the same thing and getting meds to help. Did you ever follow thorough? I'm sorry to see you struggling like this. I think it's time to seek real life professional help.

    Positive thoughts
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  3. #3
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    Re: Obsessed with morality/laws.

    I agree with FMP. This 100% sounds like bad OCD.
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  4. #4
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    Re: Obsessed with morality/laws.

    Quote Originally Posted by Fishmanpa View Post
    Mav, you haven't posted in a bit. Last time it was about the same thing and getting meds to help. Did you ever follow thorough? I'm sorry to see you struggling like this. I think it's time to seek real life professional help.

    Positive thoughts
    I'm just too scared to talk about my thoughts, I feel like someones going to lock me away and throw away the key or something. The only relief I get is typing the thoughts up on anxiety forums like this or support groups or a few kind people over the internet who understand anxiety/ocd thoughts.

    I am going to the docs soon and I will ask for medication, I know it sounds disgustingly vain and stupid but I'm scared I will gain weight on medication, I'm petrified of it actually so that stops me from even asking for that (I obsessed about my weight too...). I know that I am falling into patterns of thinking that last me hours, if not days sometimes, I am achieving nothing and you could call me bed ridden at this point. It's so sad, I'm only 21.

    Isnt it crazy how obsessions switch? I remember my billion threads on my health fears, now I actually would not care even a little bit if tomorrow I was given a diagnoses of terminal cancer or something. Thats how severe this whole theme switching obsessing is , makes me sick, I wish I had a normal functioning brain.

  5. #5
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    Re: Obsessed with morality/laws.

    Quote Originally Posted by AntsyVee View Post
    I agree with FMP. This 100% sounds like bad OCD.
    See for 5 seconds that reassures me, but then instantly I feel like, what if it's not OCD? What if I am an immoral human being? What if I am trying to make people believe its OCD and I am making up a lie? Ugh.

    1 minute I feel reassured, the next another thought attacks it. Sometimes my intrusive thoughts are so bad I actually feel a physical sensation as if somebody smacked my in my face with their hand. Ughhh.

  6. #6
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    Re: Obsessed with morality/laws.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mav View Post
    See for 5 seconds that reassures me, but then instantly I feel like, what if it's not OCD? What if I am an immoral human being? What if I am trying to make people believe its OCD and I am making up a lie? Ugh.

    1 minute I feel reassured, the next another thought attacks it. Sometimes my intrusive thoughts are so bad I actually feel a physical sensation as if somebody smacked my in my face with their hand. Ughhh.
    That supports seeking real life professional help 100%! There's no shame in it! Please, call your doctor, explain your thoughts, perhaps let them read your posts if you're too insecure to speak about it and get the the help you so desperately need.

    Positive thoughts
    __________________
    "Eat. Drink. Enjoy the work you do. Be thankful for the blessings God gives you in this life. Live, love and seek out the things that bring your heart joy. The rest is meaningless... Like chasing the wind." King Solomon

    The best help is the help you give yourself! http://cbt4panic.org/

  7. #7
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    Re: Obsessed with morality/laws.

    Mav,

    What are you doing to reduce overall levels if anxiety? Are you stuck inside all the time due to all this?

    I think you need to examine what you have just written to see where the compulsions are. You have detailed checking, testing, reassurance seeking. There is also avoidance in here. These will all trap you in the cycle.

    You can never be 100% in many things in life. Aiming for such rigid high standards is about perfectionism. Then when you don't hit your perceived high standards you fall into the cycle whether there is any justification for it.

    You will be kicking yourself for past mistakes rather than trying to accept we all make them and many if not most we can learn to accept. But if you want to look back at a 100% moralistic existence I'm not sure there will be a human being who ever lived who can do it. Maybe even Mother Theresa had the occasional intrusive thought like "oh no, not this nonsense again"

    Remember that we have forgiveness and we have to learn to apply to ourselves. We have to direct compassion to ourselves. In any faith there is repentance as we are only mortal and expected to make mistakes. Mistakes are learning experiences.

    You are not the sum of your thoughts. As we have discussed before, and I'm sure many times on your FB pages, they are not reflections of our morality. They are move thoughts dropping out of the normal process, outliers, that the subconscious doesn't know what to do with and needs guidance from the conscious mind. There is no point trying to trace where they come from, a hidden monster we fear we could become, because science tells us all humans have the capacity for these thoughts because they are just part of our normal brain function.

    Look to who you really are. You fear all these things because morality is important to you. You want to be a good person. But based on how you act in your life, the things you do for others and how you speak to others aren't you a good person already?

    I would also suggest talking to a family member too. We have discussed things in the past and you have found things were not as bad as your mind was making them when you spoke to a loved one. I suspect this will help you hear to deal with morality tied in with faith issues.
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  8. #8
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    Re: Obsessed with morality/laws.

    Have I ever told you the story about my old roommate, Mav?
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  9. #9
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    Re: Obsessed with morality/laws.

    Quote Originally Posted by AntsyVee View Post
    Have I ever told you the story about my old roommate, Mav?
    No, but I'd love to hear it I'm sure.

  10. #10
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    Re: Obsessed with morality/laws.

    Quote Originally Posted by MyNameIsTerry View Post
    Mav,

    What are you doing to reduce overall levels if anxiety? Are you stuck inside all the time due to all this?

    I think you need to examine what you have just written to see where the compulsions are. You have detailed checking, testing, reassurance seeking. There is also avoidance in here. These will all trap you in the cycle.

    You can never be 100% in many things in life. Aiming for such rigid high standards is about perfectionism. Then when you don't hit your perceived high standards you fall into the cycle whether there is any justification for it.

    You will be kicking yourself for past mistakes rather than trying to accept we all make them and many if not most we can learn to accept. But if you want to look back at a 100% moralistic existence I'm not sure there will be a human being who ever lived who can do it. Maybe even Mother Theresa had the occasional intrusive thought like "oh no, not this nonsense again"

    Remember that we have forgiveness and we have to learn to apply to ourselves. We have to direct compassion to ourselves. In any faith there is repentance as we are only mortal and expected to make mistakes. Mistakes are learning experiences.

    You are not the sum of your thoughts. As we have discussed before, and I'm sure many times on your FB pages, they are not reflections of our morality. They are move thoughts dropping out of the normal process, outliers, that the subconscious doesn't know what to do with and needs guidance from the conscious mind. There is no point trying to trace where they come from, a hidden monster we fear we could become, because science tells us all humans have the capacity for these thoughts because they are just part of our normal brain function.

    Look to who you really are. You fear all these things because morality is important to you. You want to be a good person. But based on how you act in your life, the things you do for others and how you speak to others aren't you a good person already?

    I would also suggest talking to a family member too. We have discussed things in the past and you have found things were not as bad as your mind was making them when you spoke to a loved one. I suspect this will help you hear to deal with morality tied in with faith issues.
    Hi Terry,

    thankyou as always for posting your help.
    I do struggle to see what my compulsions are which makes everything more difficult, I think to help myself I should just exit all the support groups I have been in online so that I can stop reassurance seeking, as that is a compulsion I am sure, but I am terrfied of being completely left in the dark.

    I am inside a lot of the time, I have enrolled onto distance learning courses to get my A-levels, and I am struggling to stay on track with those, I cannot afford to waste another year of my life like this, I've already wasted many with health obsessions in the past. Ugh.
    Thankyou for that insight on mistakes, I think my brain is terrfied of acceptance with these morality concerned themes, I remember the acceptance that helped me overcome all those health fears, it was simply "I may or may not have cancer, if I do then I have the ability to deal with it when the time comes", but how in the world can you be uncertain and practice acceptance with morality themes, morality is something most human beings never question and hold so dearly to themeselves, this is where I guess the root cause of my problem is.

    You're right, these fears are because I do care about being a good person, and doing the right thing always, I hate how strong OCD thoughts get, the worst and most uncomfortable part of all this is when it questions if my actions were moral, if I've ever done anythign wrong? what if I have forgotten about it? what if there are some repressed memories I will one day remember? I understand that I am not thinking in a way to truly reflect on myself, but it is terrfying how strong and real these thoughts feel.

    I do remember terry when you said that OCD likes to dig into all out old files, mine definately does that, and that can be debilitating if I spend too long on the thought.

    I have spoken to some family members about the fearful thoughts, albiet light heartedly, and they all laugh and call my thoughts/fears ridiculous, and constantly tell me I am a good moral person, but what use is this when I can't believe it?

    It always terrfies me if this isn't all OCD.

    I do educate myself on intrusive thoughts, I am trying to get through the books on intrusive thoughts, a lot of them mention writing out scripts of your worst intrusive thoughts being real, as ERP excercises but I cannot bring myself to do this, I don't know if I ever will be able too, so I feel like I am stuck. :(

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