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Thread: Work Issues. Just want to vent & let it all out.

  1. #1

    Unhappy Work Issues. Just want to vent & let it all out.

    Hi Everyone.

    Things have been going not so great lately with my job, and I feel like I am a loss. Be warned, long work vent. I appreciate those who do read it through.

    Me in simple terms: I am a creative. Art is my passion. I love it and I am pretty good at it. Iv'e been illustrating since I was a child and have grown to work with it more and more. Design in general is a strong area of mine and what I went to college for.

    When I was hired almost 7 years ago, I specifically said do not put me with math or numbers. My area of expertise is creative, so I excel in that greatly. Illustration is my strong point. Numbers- not at all. I invert them in my head mentally not realizing it (numbers only. I am fine with grammar and letters). I have been trying for years to get over it, even dealt with special math tutoring in college because I was failing the basics of math- with a legit 12 in the class. Pretty sure my professor saw how hard I was trying and the tutor logged all the hours, and he passed me. What have I been dealing with? lots and lots of numbers. Every day is a constant struggle for me and I am constantly putting myself down because the math just doesn't click. I cannot memorize numbers and I cannot retain information with numbers unless I log it extensively, which I try to do. When I say numbers, we work primarily with prices and counts, plus lots of different types of conversions. I tend to invert numbers like 9 and 6, 6 and 8, etc. Or I read them differently- like if a number is 1345 I often would read it as 1435. Not all the time, but some of the time.

    I was under the impression some years ago that my position would be moved to the creative side and help would be hired to take over what I do, because it was a waste of my skills. It appears that is not the case anymore. Someone else was hired and quickly promoted to art director and I am still stuck in the same position- 7 years later, which I feel is pretty demeaning to myself and a huge slap in the face. Instead of moving me to the other area as a creative helper, someone else was hired for the creative position. When I addressed my concern, I was told "Nobody can do what you do". I am also constantly sick of having it in my brain by some of the others that "you are not creative" and it is starting to take a mental toll. I am sick of being looked down at when I feel like I have proven myself (given them art for free that I did in my spare time which they have SOLD to various customers!). Still nothing. They often make fun of my "art" and say how weird I am, and then their customer asks for sharks and BOOM! "Hey, can we have some of that shark art you did?"... Stupid me, a few years back would give in because I thought it was so cool to have my art on products and stuff. Now, I feel disgusted and used.

    Iv'e been looking for a new job for the past 4 years now with nothing in sight, due to the fact I am at a loss for any growth in my current position. One interview and that was a scam, so that was very disappointing.

    Well, long story short I was hired some help for the math stuff and work which I thought would be great. However, not only was I taking over someone else's customers and processes from my other help who didn't pan out, BUT I was also trying to handle my own AND train someone new. A lot of mistakes are being found now, and I am at a loss for words. My position ramps up and is very seasonal, and the issue is we are in a constant rush of things to meet deadlines. As in, we are told "you need to get these 20 things out by tomorrow" and at any given time, we are managing upwards of 300+ items in a 6 month span minimum (within 6-8 months we had a total of over 700 items we were managing all of the processes, files and documentations for). More and more work is being piled up on us and we are only expanding. The time IS being put in and we did try to set rules up to prevent errors, however it has not been helping. I have a very running detailed list of logs due to the fact my brain is so numb by mid day, I need it to keep track of all the projects that are going on.

    There are times I have had to call family members to pick me up because I was having massive panic attacks due to the heavy workloads. I have no confidence in the people "proofing" my stuff, and am at a loss about the numerical issues coming up because I am not catching on and feel I do not know how to "not" invert numbers mentally at times. I am unable to see huge mistakes because I am looking at batches of 20+ files when one might have a mathematical error (looking at something for weeks starts looking the same). Even when asked about it, I cannot come up with a solution on how to not have this occur. I can tell there is bitterness and anger at these numerical issues too, because I cannot look at something and tell if the meters conversion is accurate or this and that without a calculator or looking it up online. It is a huge struggle for me and I feel like I am being set up to fail. And then when my helper comes to some type of mathematical conclusion and I do not understand it, my boss asks for an explanation- and I do not understand it to begin with, so how can I back it up?

    I feel like everything is a constant rush and there is not enough time we can put in, to the workload we have. Not only do we have to work on files, but we have to work on documentation that goes with them, tracking all the projects, following up, etc- and there simply isn't enough hours in the day to handle it all. I have spoken out about this for years saying that issues will only get worse because we cannot handle the work, however I am told "well we cannot reduce your workload so make it work". So now, lots of mistakes are being made and obviously, they are pushed back on me. And I am the type to admit when an issue is my fault, however I also feel like I have been asking for help for awhile- and we are not getting it, and I need someone to back me up who IS good with numbers and math to check things, because I am not. I am at a loss. I feel defeated. My "helper" is pretty much not being called to the carpet (who has been proofing ALL the stuff too). And I am not the type to throw someone under the bus, however I need to have confidence in someone looking over all of the stuff we have because we do so much you miss things, and there is a lot of content and information that goes into one file. You miss things a lot. The brain is not wired to work on these 20 items for this customer, these 10 for that one, all the managing and everything- in one given day. So you rush. And errors happen. And then you get told "This needs to go out today or else we will not be able to get this on time". So then what? You drop what you do to make it happen, and thats how mistakes happen.

    At one point we had an employee review. I put down this situation on the stress and how it affects me medically. I have been wanting to quit for years now, however I am unable to due to massive college debt. Without a job, there is no way my family could afford my bills and pretty much half my monthly pay goes on my loans. My doctor has tried to put me on numerous types of meds to cope with the work stress, however that did not pan out due to the negative side effects I had (made me a raging crazy psycho). I have been trying to get in with a therapist however I am having issues due to my insurance so am put on all these waiting lists.

    I am desperately trying to get help and find another job because I do not see any way I can win this battle. There is no growth for me and no chance for me to progress to anything since they have already set up the others in place. I have been so discouraged because I don't want to keep this up anymore. I don't want it to be 20 years going by and i'm still unhappy, and/or ending up like one of my prior coworkers- in the ER suffering a heart attack at a very young age almost possibly to the super high stress levels at work. At the same time, I do not know what to do for finding something else (seeing it has been 4 years I have been trying).

    Iv'e just been dreading the oncoming weeks. I dread waking up and going in every day. I dread pretending to be happy and smiling when i'm mad at myself for feeling like I am failing this position and never winning it. I am mad that nobody listens to me on my weak points, and while I try and put the time in, the results are not there.

    It is so discouraging searching and finding only two possible positions available that might match my skill set over the course of a 16 hour search. I have even tried to broaden my searches too with no luck. Relocation is an option, but the pay isn't there for my debt. So then I depress myself because I do not know how to fix this situation. It's kind of like a catch 22.

    This past week has been the turning point for me realizing, this will never get better. And I want out. I don't want to constantly struggle with what I do and have to worry about daily panic attacks happening and all that stuff. Iv'e been using my lunches to go into my car to meditate because it's been so bad.

    I could just use a hug right now. I know everybody has work stress at some point. I just don't know how to change my situation. I'm trying to freelance more and get my name out there, and while I do get some side work, it doesn't pay nearly enough to pay for my loans and what not.

    Note: I do hope I put this in the right forum. I wasn't sure where to post it, but I feel like I could just use a hug after what has been going down in my life. Feel free to move it if needed. Thank you.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    1,216

    Re: Work Issues. Just want to vent & let it all out.



    Wow, pardon my swear, but that situation sounds like fresh hell. It's hard enough to have a stressful job, but to have crappy coworkers who don't support you - that's an impossible situation.

    Can you find any other work position anywhere else? Even if you're working as an administrative assistant you might feel better without all the stress and you can keep your job hunt going from there. If you make less, too, can you refinance your student loans so you are paying less?

    I wonder if you told them you were leaving for another job if they'd want to keep you on and open up a position for you on the creative side of things. And if not, no biggie, you get to move on from this junk either way.

    I'm really sorry you're in this situation and I hope you can find some peace soon.
    __________________

    I still go a little bit crazy sometimes...
    but now I don't stay near as long.


    [Mostly] managing anxiety, HA, and depression.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2018
    Posts
    3,907

    Re: Work Issues. Just want to vent & let it all out.

    What are your occupational health people like? It might be possible to get tested for dyscalculia - what you've described sounds a whole lot like it to me.

    If you can get a diagnosis, you might be able to ask for extra assistance at work.

    Sorry you're having such a rough time; I know how hard it can be.

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