Thanks for your message Wubu I appreciate it.
I’m mostly ok now. Referred myself for another round of CBT where I’m going to push myself past the discomfort of changing my anxious ways this time (not just pretend I feel better so I can run away like I did last time!)
The only thing I’m really struggling with right now is the damn ITCHING!! It can be anywhere, eats, feet, scalp, back, legs, hands... you get the picture.
Had a bit of a breakdown last Thursday and my husband forced me to the doctors, where he proceeded to tell the doctor that my anxiety had come back full force. It’s true, and I can’t blame him for making me go... It was starting to affect my kids and him, and I know I have to make a change. I told my doctor my fear of lymphoma and how this itching is bothering me. He said itching is so far down on the list of symptoms that they (doctors) consider, it was through the floor and nearer Australia. He felt my neck and said he isn’t concerned. But still... I worry. I’ve read too many things in the past that stick with me. Like people itching up to 5 years before being diagnosed etc. My blood work is good, a previous doctor felt my tummy to check for an enlarged spleen and it was fine. I know I’m just a “lumpy” person who is always going to have nodes that are easily felt. And I know they’re not a problem unless they’re evidently swollen enough to see and you don’t have to go feeling for them. As a rational person, I wish I could let go of my incessant need to “what if...?” the hell out of every situation. I drive myself crazy.
Some days this itchiness isn’t bad, other days like today, it’s maddening! And I can’t tell if it’s because my subconscious thought of it first that made it happen or if I have the itch and then it puts it in my mind. I’m even getting feelings of wondering if I’m actually itching sometimes or if it’s a different feeling that’s like an itch but deeper. Almost like a deep burning that’s everywhere. It’s so hard to explain but it’s making me uneasy. Could it be anxiety?? I just wish I could forget about it so it might make me stop feeling it. And then I wonder if that’s impossible because I’m feeling it because there is something wrong. Sorry if this has made anyone feel uncomfortable in their skin! Just venting I suppose. Believe it or not, I’m feeling a lot better, in my thoughts anyway. I’m not so sad and scared this week. Sorry to go on! xx