Paedophile OCD

[ricric]

I feel so much better, my son has just been born 9 weeks ago, and I kept getting these inappropriate thoughts, and actually cried. I have never ever ever thought about children in this way, and was disgusted with what I was thinking..

I knew it was all in my head, but I panicked, with the what ifs etc, but seeing this thread, Im assured its jst sick thoughts..

Massive massive massive respect for the original topic starter. That must of been so hard to write, especially not knowing what kind of response you were going to get!!!

Thanks for the great replies guys..You are all truelly special

[Oceangirl]

bLEss u 4 being brave to admit it

[Oceangirl]

I admire u all i think it fantasic u can all talk together without fear of judgmentalism. God loves u all and he knows these fears and temptations. In fact tonight am gonna pray 4 u all xxxx PS if any of u do own a bible look up psalm 91. xxxx

[eveanna]

[ade]

just had to reply honey bee
i so totally recognise the pain you are in.i have suffered terribly with these bullies of thoughts and now i can cope with them.the feeling 'down below' is just a physiological version of an intrusive thought.
the chemicals in our brain for fear and arousal are very very similar.if you can actually let the thoughts pass through you without the terrible fear and guilt,they become less and less powerful and eventually become manageable.
please pm me if you need a chat about this
love ade xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[ade]

i have two gorgeus girls and part of it was a bloody minded desire to be close and loving with my children! you are safe...they will be safe with you.
when i was being tormented by all this my wife said something inspirational to me,she said 'ade honey....the children dont for a second have any idea of the thoughts you have....your thoughts dont harm anyone'
please,you are suffering and i hope this pain stops.i am 43,married to 27 yrold beautiful girl,with two girls and all is fine nd safe in our house,and i have these thoughts.
keep safe ade xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[eveanna]

Thank you so much Ade....I feel better just knowing that another kind hearted person has feared what i fear. good luck to you and always stay strong and proud. eve

[MacAodh]

I get afraid people can see the guilt I feel for having messed up thoughts like that and will hold them against me/exploit the guilt to make themselves feel better.

J

[jenthehen]

Hi there?
I am new here, and am going through a really rough time due to similar thoughts. I was diagnosed with severe anxiety with some OCD thrown in .... but sometimes even a diagnosis doesn't really make you feel better does it?!!!
I wondered if anyone could relate to these thoughts and worries. I have happily babysat for years without any problems or concerns, without even having teeniest scared thoughts cross my mind. Suddenly, i had this one random awful thought when holding my baby niece and since then i have been plagued by intrusive and disturbing thoughts. I was so shocked that i had the fleeting thought to begin with, and then i worried so much about it, suddenly it was all i could think about. The weird thing was, i had this odd feeling "down below" all the time, even when in my mind i was repulsed by these thoughts...it was like the fact i was anxious would bring it on. even though in my mind i know that i would rather kill myself than harm a child, something in my mind is constantly tormenting me with the fact it is a risk...and i can't stand it anymore!
The worries follow me around day-in, day-out - am i a peodophile? are these real urges? what if i snap and do something terrible one day and i just can't control it? etc etc...they just don't stop!!
I deal with one, and then i am hit by another. I am so scared and keep planning my suicide in case this doesn't go away in a few months. I just can't handle it as I have ALWAYS been such a good person. I see a program on TV or read a newspaper article and i totally freak out: "That's me! Oh no, I am a sicko" etc.....i just can't go on like this!
I have the most gorgeous boyfriend in the world who is heavenly, and he wants to marry me, and i keep thinking "i could never have children now AS THE RISK IS JUST TOO GREAT," etc, which just makes me want to die. God, this is awful. I pray for help but none arrives.
I wondered if anyone could emphathise - i don't know what to do. can anyone advise?
thank you so much in advance....please help!!!! eve

I can't BEGIN to tell you how glad I am that you posted this!! I have EXACTLY the same thing! It all begun with a picture i saw of someone i knew as a little kid in like a leotard. It made me feel uncomfortable, and i started thinking: Oh god, what if i like it? What if i become a paedophile? Etc. That was like 2 months ago, and it's gone over and over and over in my mind, so much so that it's like i've CONVINCED myself to like it, and want it !??! It's ruining my life!! I'd never even thought about this before!! Ive been working in a friend's nursery cos i thought it would help me, but it just makes me more anxious. I work in the office and when i see a child i'm flooded with fear, and guilt and something else which creeps the s**t out of me. I know i'm not a bad person!!! But i've thought about it so much now that all the rational thoughts regarding it that i originally had have just gone. I can't even remember what i used to think because it's gone around in my head so much that it's turned into something even worse and awful. I didn't realise that this sort of thing involved OCD, and after looking up symptoms and stuff, i think i have it. But i'm still so convinced, it's horrid. :((


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[LeeBlake]

im a 16 year old boy out of school and unemployed at the moment so all i do is laze around all day so all i got to do really is think and lately i had really sickening thoughts about my niece shes 2 years old and i think the thoughts are having a snowball affect on me the more i think about this the bigger and bigger the problem will get i think i will never get this out of my mind il be living with this all my life and what if i actually did do something to my niece i never could though thats the thing i think these things but they aint sexually arousing and what if someday i did do somthing to my niece iv'e done bad things in the past but i could never ever do somthing like this so why do i get these thoughts they scare me i dont want to tell anyone face to face and i never will

will i get over this problem or will it be with me the rest of my life ? i cant describe the how badly this is making me feel i just want to be a normall teenager writing this has brought me to tears

ive also had panick attacks before now but they seemed to go away when i was around 14 i dont know what panic attacks have to do with this though ?

and im so greatfull to whoever started this post i thought i was some kind of sicko im glad to find that other people have these sick thoughts not just me

im also a good looking boy well i like to think i am lol im single girls never really intrested me but lately i just feel lonely do u think getting a girlfriend could help with my problem because on other websites it sais it could be because your lonely ?

i also only have these thoughts about my niece only should i be worried about that ?

please can someone give me some advice as i said i dont wanna tell any of my family i dont want to tell any doctor i just want to keep it to myself and get through it alone is this possible please tell me it is ?

and i feel like because im thinking about it part of me must want to do it otherwise i wouldent think about it but i know this is not true sorry if im writing an essay i just want all my uestions answered :( it sometimes feels like ther is a devil on my shoulder making me think these things but theres no angel on the other shoulder because i just feel like crap that probably sounds stupid lol but its how a feel

x x x