After nearly 2 months of proving to CAPITAS that I have agoraphobia and do not leave the house they finally did a home visit. Pure stress.

The told me that because I indicated going outside causes "frustration" that was not evidence that I can not leave the house. They didn't even contact my medical professionals until after I appealed their decision to not give a home visit.

The lady turned up on her own with a laptop. I hadn't slept well and my partner woke me up so I stumbled into the living room trying to keep my eyes open. She asked me questions that I'd already answered on the form and about my condition. She asked "How does aspergers affect you?" ... I told her I have no idea, I am normal, the rest of the world thinks I'm not. That's the only answer I could give her.

But here's the thing ... this lady didn't ask any sorts of questions that psychiatrists, or medical professionals, ask. There was no questionnaires, or grading scales used. It felt very unprofessional. I've had countless meetings with professionals related to mental health and their questions are in depth.

I was a tired mess yesterday. I don't think I answered the questions correctly. I was pinching myself and checking my heart rate the entire time because I just wanted to run out of the room. I don't think she'll take me seriously at all. Nobody takes anxiety, depression or aspergers seriously. They don't understand the impact it has on daily life. Even when I am feeling good, they day is still a struggle. I don't even think I was in the position to be answering the questions because I'm not a good speaker. I clam up when speaking and say the least words possible. This means although I know what I mean when I say something, to others it could be interpreted completely different. It's a common "problem" of mine.

Why can't they do meetings over messenger while in the same room? I feel I could explain myself so much better in text. I can write for England, but I dislike talking.

I feel like the person that done the assessment didn't do a correct assessment. At least not by the standards used by real medical professionals. So it's basically her "judgement" on whether I am awarded PIP. And I don't think she was qualified to even make that judgement.

I haven't got a response yet, but I'm expecting to have to appeal. It ****ing sucks because I have a genuine problem and I'm in a financial mess because I can't work. I had a bad day today at home. Almost spiraled into self harm but I averted it by using a pen to draw on my arms instead. It actually worked! The stress on my head at the moment is terrible. I feel so flat and deflated. I'll save that for another thread.

Something really needs to be done about these so called medical professionals that are able to over rule a doctor's decision. I get there's people trying to abuse the system, but it really ****s it up for those of us who have to unfortunately rely on the system in times of need.

Trust me I'd rather be working. But I don't know what day tomorrow will be and I can't commit to client jobs, or a 9-5. I tried it recently, and I had to refund the client because my head wasn't in it.

I'm 35 this year and I feel like a complete failure. I'm uni educated. Insanely smart with computers and programming. Yet I am now in a situation of begging for benefits.