First of all, I don’t want to cause any offence to anyone who has had or has cancer but I desperately need help. I’ve always been a worrier, it was exacerbated last year when my mil died of breast cancer, she’d had it twice. I feel massive guilt that I didn’t take my son up more to see her, that was completely my fault because of my stupid brain because I was scared to know about treatment, to see how much pain she was in and now it’s too late. I’ve stopped eating things and stopped doing lots of things that might increase my risk of cancer, I’ve been to the docs numerous times and been to the breast clinic once to be told I have normal breast tissue. I’ve had many blood tests and a stool sample test. I panic over everything from chemicals, radiation, burnt food, dirty air, everything. Even some bubble solution that I was blowing for my son, I’ve tipped it down the sink in a moment of panic. I feel like my life has just stopped, I wanted to have another child so that my little boy could have a sister or brother so he isn’t on his own in life but I can’t, there’s cancer in my partners family and I’d feel guilty that I’d be bringing another human into the world that could be poorly one day and it’s killing me whether to risk that or let him be on his own like i was as I was an only child. Sorry this post is so long, I’ve not told anyone this, this is my first post. I’ve had cbt twice, a counsellor and a mental earth nurse every two weeks and I’ve been on 6 different antidepressants. Hope someone has some virtual slaps they can give me. Thanks.