Debilitating fear of cancer/cancer causing things.

[vix118]

First of all, I don’t want to cause any offence to anyone who has had or has cancer but I desperately need help. I’ve always been a worrier, it was exacerbated last year when my mil died of breast cancer, she’d had it twice. I feel massive guilt that I didn’t take my son up more to see her, that was completely my fault because of my stupid brain because I was scared to know about treatment, to see how much pain she was in and now it’s too late. I’ve stopped eating things and stopped doing lots of things that might increase my risk of cancer, I’ve been to the docs numerous times and been to the breast clinic once to be told I have normal breast tissue. I’ve had many blood tests and a stool sample test. I panic over everything from chemicals, radiation, burnt food, dirty air, everything. Even some bubble solution that I was blowing for my son, I’ve tipped it down the sink in a moment of panic. I feel like my life has just stopped, I wanted to have another child so that my little boy could have a sister or brother so he isn’t on his own in life but I can’t, there’s cancer in my partners family and I’d feel guilty that I’d be bringing another human into the world that could be poorly one day and it’s killing me whether to risk that or let him be on his own like i was as I was an only child. Sorry this post is so long, I’ve not told anyone this, this is my first post. I’ve had cbt twice, a counsellor and a mental earth nurse every two weeks and I’ve been on 6 different antidepressants. Hope someone has some virtual slaps they can give me. Thanks.

[Fishmanpa]

I'm a survivor and your post didn't offend me. That said, to see the extent of how this fear controls your life is just really sad Practicing common sense health choices is really all we can do but you're certainly taking it WAY beyond the norm. The reality is, the rest is out of your hands. My lifestyle was the cause of my cancer but I have a friend who lived clean and still got a rare cancer. You're doing the things you need to do with real life professional care. Your post implies you're aware of the irrationality and while I'm typically good at a cyber slap, I don't really have any advice other than to continue to seek real life professional help.

Positive thoughts

[vix118]

Fishmanpa, Thank you so much for your reply.

[StephA]

They say everything can cause cancer nowadays. I had breast cancer almost seven years ago, and I live a healthy lifestyle and still got it. All we can do is take it one day at a time. I’m not offended by your post at all, but the thing that drives me crazy is people who ask me how I got it! Yes that has happened! They’ll say something like oh you must not have exercised or eaten right! Truth is they don’t know exactly what actually causes it. My Oncologist told me that yes things CAN increase your chances of getting it, like smoking, etc., but nobody gives themselves cancer. I could rant all day about it but I won’t. LOL. Anyway you can’t live in a bubble. There are so many chemicals in almost everything we use. Don’t let the media scare you into thinking chemicals will give you cancer. If that were the case every single human being would have cancer. Just something to think about.

[vix118]

Thank you, I know this deep down and it never bothered me at all. I used to be so happy and ate anything and had fun and now before I do anything I think ‘oh no, actually I’d better not’. The thing is I know how stupid I sound and I can’t stop it because the ‘what if’ pops into my head. I feel like if I have another child and they get poorly I’ll think it’s the universes way of telling me ‘you shouldn’t have had another’ I sound like a complete fruit loop.

[vix118]

P.s Can’t believe someone asked you how you got it!

[BlueIris]

Just to say, you're perfectly aware of your condition and you don't deserve slaps in the least. Health anxiety is a horrible disease in that it steals our minds whilst often leaving us aware of how irrational it all is.

I'm not sure what advice to offer - meds, therapy and meditation have proved a good combination for me - but I'm so sorry you're having such an awful time, and I hope you find something that works for you soon.

[vix118]

Thank you.

[Cptdebbie]

Part of what we anxiety sufferers want is certainty. It is so frustrating that this life is uncertain. We never know what is ahead for us.

My husband was super healthy. He was 60 and wasn’t taking any medication for anything. He hardly ever got sick, and if he did, he got better faster than anyone I know.

My husband never drank, smoked, or did drugs. We were married for almost 40 years and raised five children together. I tried to make sure we all ate healthy.

Then, suddenly my husband got very sick. It was hard to get a diagnosis because he never smoked. He had stage 4 lung cancer. And amazingly, I only saw him cry once through the next ten months of his life. He had a firm belief that God was in charge of his life. And, if God wanted him to die, he would die.

I was amazed at my hubby’s strength. And you know what? I was also amazed at my own. We are stronger than we think.

You are strong enough to get the help you need to lessen your anxiety. Get a good therapist who will help you see the uncertainties of life as opportunities to grow and learn. (I’m still working on that, but I’m getting closer.) Your children will model their emotions after yours. I’m sure you don’t want them to grow up afraid of everything. Science tries to help us predict the future, but, in the grand scheme of things, it really doesn’t know that much.

I’m trying hard to learn to live in the moment. If I find out I’ve got cancer or some other fatal disease, I hope I can feel at peace knowing I grasped every ray of sunshine that I could.

Sending lots of good vibes your way.

[vix118]

Thank you, I am definitely scared of my son picking up on the things I do. I don’t want him to be a mess like me, I want him to enjoy life.