HIV Fear

[O_O]

This sounds like you are having sex with men to keep them happy - I may have that wrong

It's not that - I don't care enough about them to want to make them happy. That's the problem! Sometimes I'll sleep with one of them to see if it makes me like him more, to see if there's anything there, to see if he's someone I'd want to be with - but he never is. Not yet.

[nomorepanic]

Having sex won't make you like someone more if the chemistry is not there in the first place though.

[WiseMonkey]

It's not that - I don't care enough about them to want to make them happy. That's the problem! Sometimes I'll sleep with one of them to see if it makes me like him more, to see if there's anything there, to see if he's someone I'd want to be with - but he never is. Not yet.

I know I've said this before in another post but here it is once again ... this is not a healthy way to seek out a potential life partner (if that's what you want). Getting to know someone over a sustained period of time (not a few dates) is when you get to know their good, positive qualities (as well as the negative ones). Looking with 'fairy tale eyes' at thirty is unrealistic and immature, you need to look inside yourself and see what values you really want in a partner. Do you want someone who's honest, loyal, faithful, reliable and mature in their thinking, someone who will be supportive, protective and adores/loves you and will be a good father? Attraction is great but it's not the be all and end all... most 'finger in the light socket' relationships burn out quickly as they're solely based on sexual attraction.

If you want the positive qualities of a functional partner, then you have to have these same qualities within yourself. It's my experience, that like attracts like.

[glassgirlw]

I know I've said this before in another post but here it is once again ... this is not a healthy way to seek out a potential life partner (if that's what you want). Getting to know someone over a sustained period of time (not a few dates) is when you get to know their good, positive qualities (as well as the negative ones). Looking with 'fairy tale eyes' at thirty is unrealistic and immature, you need to look inside yourself and see what values you really want in a partner. Do you want someone who's honest, loyal, faithful, reliable and mature in their thinking, someone who will be supportive, protective and adores/loves you and will be a good father? Attraction is great but it's not the be all and end all... most 'finger in the light socket' relationships burn out quickly as they're solely based on sexual attraction.

If you want the positive qualities of a functional partner, then you have to have these same qualities within yourself. It's my experience, that like attracts like.

Couldn’t have phrased it better myself. Sex isn’t miraculously going to make you decide he’s the one. And please, please always use protection. Especially if you are just basically taking a guy for a “test drive”.

[pulisa]

I take it the baby plans are on hold?

[O_O]

For me, being sexually compatible is very important in a relationship. I've been in long relationships with men who have been absolutely lovely, and I've tried very hard to make it work, but ultimately they felt like friends rather than lovers. Honestly, the only time I've had a satisfying sex life is with the only man I ever loved. I'm not sure whether the love or the sex came first, really. At any rate, I think sexual compatibility is often indicative of an underlying biological compatibility. Not always, but often.

Anyhoo, much as I appreciate the dating advice, my inability to find a man is less of a concern to me that the HIV fears right now 😬

[O_O]

I take it the baby plans are on hold?

I've done my IVF and I've got my frozen embryos ready for when I want to use them. Obviously, I'd rather do things properly with a man, but that might never be an option for me.

My ovarian reserve has got a bit worse over the last year but I do still have a chance at a natural pregnancy if I meet someone soonish.

If not, I can use one of my frozen embryos at the right time. With my immune medication I'm going for a successful pregnancy 🙂 I can't wait to be a mum one day.

[Quinn1]

Thank you, I hope so. I think about 0.2% of people in the UK have HIV and most of them are homosexual and already know they have it. So the chances of him having it are small.

If he does have it, it must have been in the acute phase which means transmission is more likely. Even so, from one act of vaginal sex the transmission rate is less than 5% I believe. Hopefully even less than that, since he didn't ejaculate inside me.

So the chances are very low. The symptoms I had really worried me, though. I've never had symptoms like that before.

I'm getting tested next week but I'm so scared.

I think you will find that 0.2% isn’t accurate,plus not most of them are just homosexual.
I live with HIV,didn’t get it from rooting around.

USE protection,or buy a vibrator

[O_O]

I think you will find that 0.2% isn’t accurate,plus not most of them are just homosexual.
I live with HIV,didn’t get it from rooting around.

USE protection,or buy a vibrator

Sorry, I deleted my message instead of editing! 🤦🏻*♀️

I'm sorry that you're living with HIV and I hope that you're doing ok.

In the UK I believe the rate of HIV is 0.2%, and most people who have it are gay men (though obviously not all!)

I definitely know that I should practice safe sex, and I normally do (on the rare occasions that I have sex), but I messed up this time. I can't change that, unfortunately, and I was really just looking for people's opinion on whether I have HIV based on the stats and my symptoms. I'm feeling pretty anxious while I wait for my test results, and I'm scared I've stupidly scuppered my chances of motherhood (which aren't great anyway!)

Hate vibrators, so I'll give that a miss 😅

[WiseMonkey]

I definitely know that I should practice safe sex, and I normally do (on the rare occasions that I have sex), but I messed up this time. I can't change that, unfortunately, and I was really just looking for people's opinion on whether I have HIV based on the stats and my symptoms. I'm feeling pretty anxious while I wait for my test results, and I'm scared I've stupidly scuppered my chances of motherhood (which aren't great anyway!)

With the amount of energy/money you've put into (preserving your eggs and seeking sperm donation), your physical (and mental) health should be your prime objective, nothing self induced should put that at risk! Maturity issues yet again