Hello everyone,
I'm going to try to make this as condensed as I can because what I've been experiencing has been going on for over a year and I can't write a novel rn, but I desperately need advice. As background info I have had severe health anxiety for around 6 years and I am a 23 year old female. I've been experiencing constipation for around a year, not so much that I can't go, more so that I often feel like I'm not finished or need to keep trying to go more. I've also had blood and mucus at various times throughout the past year. I've had a flexible sigmoidoscopy, bloodwork, an anoscopy, been checked for pelvic floor dysfunction, gotten a hemorrhoid treatment, tried Colace, etc. and been to so many doctors. and I do know that I have hemorrhoids.The blood has always been bright red and in small amounts when it does happen and the mucus has kinda stopped happening as frequently since I stopped taking the Colace.
For the past year I've spent every single day completely convinced that I have colon cancer and am going to die. I've been seeing the same gastroenterologist for a while and expressed my concerns and she had said in July that we could set a date for a colonoscopy as a last resort. I saw her yesterday to discuss this again since the date we had set is the 21st of this month, and she was very negative about doing it. She focused so much on the risks and dangers of it and kept saying that she doesn't want to do it because she doesn't think there is anything wrong and because my bloodwork was fine, etc. She said I can still get it done if I want but I need to decide by next week. I was under the impression that I could choose the type of sedation I wanted but she only does it with general anesthesia which makes it even more scary because I have never been knocked out like that before and don't know how my body will react.
In my head I was convinced that I wanted to do the colonoscopy because I have been so afraid for so long but hearing her talk about it like that really freaked me out, and now I don't know what to do. I feel like the answer is just death no matter what I pick because I'm scared I'll die if I don't get the colonoscopy but I'm scared something bad will happen if i do, especially knowing that the doctor who's supposed to do it doesn't even want to. I have never felt so hopeless and lost in my life and I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to get it done despite the risks but I can't tell if that's just my anxiety and if I'm putting myself at risk doing something I don't need to do because of my fear... I just don't know and I feel so insanely terrified. The only alternatives I can think of is maybe to go to another gastroenterologist and see what they say or if I do cancel it then make some lifestyle changes and see if that makes a difference but I just don't know. If anyone has any advice or thoughts or just comfort I would appreciate it so much.
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