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Thread: If CBT doesn't work for you... then what?

  1. #11
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    Re: If CBT doesn't work for you... then what?

    I think you need to spend more time around people, Pamplemousse - maybe consider volunteering, or joining a walking group?
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  2. #12
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    Re: If CBT doesn't work for you... then what?

    First I need not to be working/travelling 16 hours of the day 3-4 times a week. Plus I really don't 'do' people. Many years ago I was asked in another therapy session if I wanted to address my social anxiety, but I declined in favour of the health anxiety instead.

    Add in that the only other friendship I entered into post- my wife's death ended in an incredibly acrimonious, nasty fashion that I'd rather not face that sort of crap ever again.

    Plus, I kinda feel I deserve what I get.

  3. #13
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    Re: If CBT doesn't work for you... then what?

    That's awful! Nobody deserves that sort of pain, including you.

    Do you have any hobbies that you enjoy?
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  4. #14
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    Re: If CBT doesn't work for you... then what?

    Quote Originally Posted by BlueIris View Post
    That's awful! Nobody deserves that sort of pain, including you.

    Do you have any hobbies that you enjoy?
    I do: but the major one triggers my health anxiety. I have considered bringing an end to said hobby: it's become a hoard really (worsened rapidly by my wife's death} and if I want to retire in three years time I have to sell most of it to get rid of four storage units I won't be able to afford on a pension. I also know I'll lose pots of money selling up, and then I will be left thinking "what a waste of forty years of my life and money".

    I get, as you can tell, readily overwhelmed by such things but I know things have to be done. I'd just rather pretend it's not there: rather like the alarmingly squalid conditions I live in at home.

  5. #15
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    Re: If CBT doesn't work for you... then what?

    CBT certainly isn't the be all and end all for everyone and you sound as if you have far more on your plate than most people with mild to moderate anxiety who are helped by the standard NHS CBT package.

    I think if you are still considering therapy then ACT may be more a helpful and realistic approach? It must be very hard to contend with everything you face after losing your wife. You must miss her terribly.

  6. #16
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    Re: If CBT doesn't work for you... then what?

    Quote Originally Posted by pulisa View Post
    I think if you are still considering therapy then ACT may be more a helpful and realistic approach? It must be very hard to contend with everything you face after losing your wife. You must miss her terribly.
    I had to look up ACT. I'm not sure I want to accept my issues, I really want rid of them but that may be an unrealistic goal.

    And yes; not a day passes that I don't think of her in some way, or hear the little things she had her own way of saying. Most days I feel like I am inside a large concrete room, about thirty feet in every dimension. Otherwise empty, it is lit by a solitary pygmy bulb at the top; the type of bulb you get in a fridge. The room has no doors or windows, and it is cold and damp. It has air though and I am fed somehow. Sometimes, the roof of the room slides open a bit and the sun comes in, driving out the cold and the damp. But then the roof snaps shut again.

  7. #17
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    Re: If CBT doesn't work for you... then what?

    Coming back to this thread, and the specific question in the title.

    Something I think is important here is that CBT stands for cognitive behavioral therapy, the important part here being a modification of behaviour.

    My theory is that you are 'stuck' in a cycle of behaviour because of grief, and that's why CBT isn't working for you. CBT in particular is a therapy that works with patient participation. The onus isn't on the therapist, it's on you to hear what they are saying and modify your behaviour accordingly. I think you're finding this difficult (understandably) because of the grief you feel.

    Perhaps talking to your therapist about this could help find a way to move on in some way, even if it's just tidying up your home a bit as a start. Even if it's just one room that you can sit and feel 'clear' in?

  8. #18
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    Re: If CBT doesn't work for you... then what?

    Quote Originally Posted by ankietyjoe View Post
    Coming back to this thread, and the specific question in the title.

    Something I think is important here is that CBT stands for cognitive behavioral therapy, the important part here being a modification of behaviour.

    My theory is that you are 'stuck' in a cycle of behaviour because of grief, and that's why CBT isn't working for you. CBT in particular is a therapy that works with patient participation. The onus isn't on the therapist, it's on you to hear what they are saying and modify your behaviour accordingly. I think you're finding this difficult (understandably) because of the grief you feel.

    Perhaps talking to your therapist about this could help find a way to move on in some way, even if it's just tidying up your home a bit as a start. Even if it's just one room that you can sit and feel 'clear' in?

    It's got to be worth a go. At the moment I have other issues of anxiety hovering around, but just getting one room straight would be a start. But it's not a task to be underestimated.

  9. #19
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    Re: If CBT doesn't work for you... then what?

    Do you have any friends/family who could help you with the one room? Or could help you syphon off some of the stuff you're least likely to have a problem letting go of?

  10. #20
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    Dec 2014
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    Re: If CBT doesn't work for you... then what?

    Family have busy lives and I couldn't stand the judgement. Friends (what few there are) as a rule live at least 80 miles away.

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