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Thread: Anxious about what???

  1. #61
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    Re: Anxious about what???

    Quote Originally Posted by BlueIris View Post
    "Victim mentality" is a phrase that gets used a lot by people who subscribe to the "bootstrap mentality". It's not a question of believing you're destined to be anxious, it's about believing you might be more prone to anxiety than most people.
    Sorry I missed this bit.

    Yes I totally agree that some people can be more prone to anxiety, but that's not the same as accepting it'll always be there, because it doesn't have to be.

    Fundamentally anxiety is caused by stress, period. The key is finding the things that stress YOU.

    We know somebody local who used to run marathons all the time. She would run 50-100 miles a week. She was a proud home owner, working many hours a week to buy expensive things that she hung on walls with the price tag still attached. She hired me to paint her house (because you know, painter/decorators are all rich), but the house didn't need painting. She just wanted some expensive farrow and ball paint on her walls. About 2 years later we saw her in the supermarket, and she had aged about 15 years and had lost a ton of weight. We chatted to her and discovered that her physical and mental health had collapsed due to 'life commitments'. My point here is that it's possible that you (and anybody else) are doing things that you think are good for you, and you even want to do...but they might not be.

    I'm just suggesting that you audit your own life and remove stress as much as possible. Despite me not having sources written down, I absolutely know we are not designed to live the life we are currently living, and the evidence is out there if you go and look for it.

    When I use the term 'victim mentality', that doesn't mean I subscribe to the 'bootstrap mentality'. I'm simply asking you not to keep suggesting to yourself that your anxiety is inevitable. There is some value in the idea that you can pull yourself together, but I think it's better to have self compassion and give yourself the space to recover.

  2. #62
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    Re: Anxious about what???

    I will say Joe,keeping up with the Jone’s is bound to eventually brake you down and fall in a heap.
    Hang on there! I know decorators earn a good quid.

    Do you read Carl Jung!
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  3. #63
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    Re: Anxious about what???

    Quote Originally Posted by jojo2316 View Post
    https://www.newscientist.com/article...mental-health/
    unfortunately this is pay-walled. But I think there is a fair amount of evidence that what you eat effects mental health. But of course it’s a hugely complex issue, so just because something is statistically significant, doesn’t mean it will work for the individual.
    I’m picking up fag ends here, BTW. I’ve only just discovered this thread. BI am I trolling you? Xxx
    Not trolling, Jojo, I'm a skeptic, not a cynic. I'm happy to be proved wrong.
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  4. #64
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    Re: Anxious about what???

    Quote Originally Posted by Quinn1 View Post
    I will say Joe,keeping up with the Jone’s is bound to eventually brake you down and fall in a heap.
    Hang on there! I know decorators earn a good quid.

    Do you read Carl Jung!

    Decorating was something I was doing at the time, but in this country it's hard to make ends meet doing that for a living.

    I have read some Carl Jung, but my personal take on him is that he's prone to over complication and over analysis. I think historically the fields of psychotherapy and psychiatry have focused too much on analysis of feelings. Whilst it might be a good idea to have an awareness of the source, constant analysis is (in my opinion) fruitless, as your subconscious is being forced to re-live triggers that are no longer occurring. I think the era of Freud and Jung was necessary to get to the point where we are today, but a lot of their philosophy is being dropped in favour of simpler, more practical therapies.



    Quote Originally Posted by BlueIris View Post
    Not trolling, Jojo, I'm a skeptic, not a cynic. I'm happy to be proved wrong.
    You've got nothing to lose by focussing only on your calm for a prolonged period of time, right?
    Last edited by ankietyjoe; 16-10-19 at 11:16.

  5. #65
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    Jun 2014
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    Re: Anxious about what???

    I think going back to basics and advocating a simpler, less competitive lifestyle is a good thing for everyone, not only for those with anxiety disorders.

    I think exercise addiction and orthorexia are very real issues though which are increasing as a result of the "healthy lifestyle" obsession.

  6. #66
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    Jun 2014
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    Re: Anxious about what???

    Quote Originally Posted by ankietyjoe View Post
    Sorry I missed this bit.

    Yes I totally agree that some people can be more prone to anxiety, but that's not the same as accepting it'll always be there, because it doesn't have to be.

    Fundamentally anxiety is caused by stress, period. The key is finding the things that stress YOU.

    We know somebody local who used to run marathons all the time. She would run 50-100 miles a week. She was a proud home owner, working many hours a week to buy expensive things that she hung on walls with the price tag still attached. She hired me to paint her house (because you know, painter/decorators are all rich), but the house didn't need painting. She just wanted some expensive farrow and ball paint on her walls. About 2 years later we saw her in the supermarket, and she had aged about 15 years and had lost a ton of weight. We chatted to her and discovered that her physical and mental health had collapsed due to 'life commitments'. My point here is that it's possible that you (and anybody else) are doing things that you think are good for you, and you even want to do...but they might not be.

    I'm just suggesting that you audit your own life and remove stress as much as possible. Despite me not having sources written down, I absolutely know we are not designed to live the life we are currently living, and the evidence is out there if you go and look for it.

    When I use the term 'victim mentality', that doesn't mean I subscribe to the 'bootstrap mentality'. I'm simply asking you not to keep suggesting to yourself that your anxiety is inevitable. There is some value in the idea that you can pull yourself together, but I think it's better to have self compassion and give yourself the space to recover.
    I don't think BI is suggesting that her anxiety is inevitable though. She has a realistic approach to it and has many techniques to manage it successfully. I think if that is acceptable to her then she has the right approach. We all have different ways to manage-personally if anyone said I had a victim mentality I would be devastated because I have always fought against that unattractive and unhelpful mindset.

  7. #67
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    Re: Anxious about what???

    Perhaps I was too trigger happy with the phrase 'victim mentality'.

    I would like to re-phrase it as 'inevitability acceptance'.

    Or something.

  8. #68
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    Re: Anxious about what???

    So I'm the person with the history of mental illness for many generations in their family. I would like to say that I think you've all hit on something here. Each person is touching on a piece of the complex puzzle that is anxiety. If anxiety had just one or two main causes, it would be easier to identify, pinpoint and treat. But the fact is, it's hard to get rid of anxiety. If it were easy to treat, no one would have it. And the fact that it's hard to get rid of, just reinforces the fact, IMHO, that the causes are complex. Many of us, including myself, have to have a combination of things, such as medication, exercise, therapy, lifestyle changes to treat our anxiety. And again...that also reinforces the complexity of anxiety to me.

    I would also like to say that just because I believe that a main cause of my anxiety is genetic, does not mean that I have a victim mentality. Yes, there are some people that are "Woe is me. I have anxiety, I'll never be okay", but I think you all who've been on here know I'm pretty proactive. I think that a person can be aware of their faults and possible areas of trouble and still work towards improving themselves.
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  9. #69
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    Re: Anxious about what???

    Yes I completely agree with you, Vee. It's certainly a "work in progress" scenario as you suggest and is "accepting the inevitable" necessarily a bad thing/"giving in" or is it just being realistic and self-compassionate?

  10. #70
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    Re: Anxious about what???

    I think that acceptance of the situation (and of one's own personality) can actually be a really good jumping-off point for working on the anxiety and adapting your lifestyle accordingly.

    As much as I'd like the cash, I'd never thrive in a high-stakes management role at work and I'm okay with that.
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