I’ve posted before about my worries about my eyes. Since receiving a standard referral for glaucoma end of last year I’ve literally worried daily and hourly about my sight. It’s mostly been about permanently losing some or all of my vision, but I’ve also focused in on my floaters, seeing sparks of light etc. Since the early flag I’ve seen two ophthalmologists and my main one several time’s and he has diagnosed that it is highly likely that it’s just what he calls tilted discs (which many people have and can cause ‘field disturbances’) and doesn’t get worse or cause any problems. However he wants to see me again in 6 months for a pressure check and a year to check my ‘field test’ just to be certain. I think it’s the ‘just to be certain’ that causes me the panic. If it was a ‘certain’ diagnosis I would be better, but this small amount of doubt remains. I’m sure he is just being a good doctor and has reassured me several times that I shouldn’t worry, but I can’t help it, and I keep looking for issues with my sight, almost like I’m keeping a constant guard against something being wrong. I look for my natural blind spot, like tonguing a mouth ulcer, I just can’t resist it which then causes a burst of anxiety when I see them. Clearly if he doesn’t want to check me for a year, he doesn’t expect to see anything change, but my heightened state of anxiety and natural risk aversion means that I can’t let it lie. Do other people see the same pattern? That small amount of potential is what drives their internal anxiety?
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