Feels like I've got the worst hangover in the world. Yesterday in total I took 16mg of Valium.

I feel like the 2mg are not doing what they did, so I end up taking 4mg 3 times a day instead of 6mg a day. This causes me to run low so some days I have to force myself to have less to ensure I don't run out completely.

On the days I have less, or non, the withdrawal is nasty. When people say "It's like hell" ... they're not joking lol. My anxiety is up and down like crazy because of this. I'm not sleeping properly.

Yesterday I had 4mg in the morning, and 4mg about 6pm. Then it got to 2am and I was wide awake. But I hadn't slept properly the night before and was shattered. So I took 8mg in 1 go. I may have taken 10mg I can't recall.

Within an hour I felt relaxed and I was able to sleep.

My tolerance for valium has increased. Which puts me in a position. I can't tell my doctor. I can't see him agreeing to up me to 4mg. And without these medications I don't have any sort of life. They help me so much. He'll probably want to start tapering to avoid putting me up. But I can't agree to that. Not when things have been going well for me in life recently.

I was offered a job, £40,000 a year. My financial situation is a mess and this job would have saved the day. But, I can't leave the house, and I can't work around others. So I'm feeling really really sh**ty right now. Like a messed up failure.