Last hurdle

[BlueIris]

You did brilliantly - congratulations!

[ankietyjoe]

So we've gotten more settled here, I was doing really good! Until tonight when I was putting some dishes away before going to bed and u suddenly got this dizzy feeling while standing still. I nearly went crashing back into the floor- after I gotten over the shock of it. All I could think about was how I nearly smashed all of our new blows....which would have not been nice lol.

I tried to shake the feelings off, remember that sometimes our bodies just have moments. So I went to bed, yet no sleep came. My heart was racing still, everytime I was close to sleep a jerk/heart pounding/or felt like it was missing a beat would happen and I was sitting upright. This happened enough times that it woke up my boyfriend up, so rather then keep annoying him I've gotten up and currently trying to read some stuff before trying to sleep again. I'm trying to remind myself, well this is all unpleasant it's not going to be the end of me.

That while it can be scary, it's just that scary feelings that I'm not going to feed into. One bad night doesn't mean it's going to be bad forever again.

Stuipdly feeling a bit proud of myself today. Even tho I woke up feeling filled with anixety- so short of breath and heart pounding I still got up. I did things I normally wouldn't do while alone, like shower, up and down stairs to the washing machine. I'm sitting on the couch now, feeling exhausted and really out of breath- but I did it! I just didn't back out and wait for my boyfriend to get home!

This all sounds really familiar to me. I went through multiple occasions of just feeling 'off', or stuff just happening. It seemed like it was something new every week but that's just how it works.

You're doing the right thing by just getting on with things as much as you can in that moment.

Anxiety recovery is dictated by dealing with the bigger picture, not fretting over the details so much.

[SarahNah]

Thank you both so much for the replies x

I was doing okay most of yesterday- whole cleaning away some stuff today my heart rate jumped and I had to sit down to try and calm a little. I'm still feeling rather unwell and unsettled....but maybe it's a excuse not to do the cleaning anymore

[SarahNah]

I'm really struggling this morning, I'm very breathless and my heart was pounding when I woke up. I just feel bad- it's leading me with be filled with dread and doom thinking.

[ankietyjoe]

All sounds normal!

Just remember it takes weeks/months to re-train your brain NOT to react in a negative way to perceptions about heart rate.

[SarahNah]

All sounds normal!

Just remember it takes weeks/months to re-train your brain NOT to react in a negative way to perceptions about heart rate.

Sorry for moaning so much Joe, I know it's going to take time- it's just alot to deal with. I went to work for a few hours this morning, I'm now at home sitting here feeling breathless and all kind of things- that I'm not going to list because it's the same old same old heart worries issues. I suppose it didn't help when the lady at front of desk told me I look like shit this morning lol.

I'm going back to Ireland next week to get a few things, I have a doctor appointment then to get my files to move over here. Im going to talk to her about other ways to help- as she's checked my heart so many times yet nothing has ever come from it....it's just anixety I have to remind myself

[ankietyjoe]

You're not moaning. You're going through a process and reporting mental 'wins and losses'.

The breathing thing is really, really common and is caused by tight diaphragm muscles, and secondarily by subconscious hyperventilating. You think you can't breathe so try and breathe more..causing a CO2 imbalance in the blood. What I found really helps is to sit quietly and take control of your breathing, and only breathe through your nose (it makes a difference). Your brain will tell you that you're gasping for breath, but if you pay attention you're really not. If you can talk, you are not breathless..period. I was told this multiple times by Doctors.

And also remember that moving to another country is a massive, massive stress. For anybody.

[SarahNah]

You're not moaning. You're going through a process and reporting mental 'wins and losses'.

The breathing thing is really, really common and is caused by tight diaphragm muscles, and secondarily by subconscious hyperventilating. You think you can't breathe so try and breathe more..causing a CO2 imbalance in the blood. What I found really helps is to sit quietly and take control of your breathing, and only breathe through your nose (it makes a difference). Your brain will tell you that you're gasping for breath, but if you pay attention you're really not. If you can talk, you are not breathless..period. I was told this multiple times by Doctors.

And also remember that moving to another country is a massive, massive stress. For anybody.

Thank you again for the reply Joe- and that info..it's very useful. I find that when I'm sitting down I feel fine. It's when I stand up things tend to go down hill. My legs go weak and heavy, I find it harder to breath and- well all the other stuff. It makes me scared to move, it's like I need to take a shower and I can't get myself to stand up again right now as I'm feeling dread and I know I'll feel that way.

[ankietyjoe]

I've been in a feedback loop like that before. Unless I was lying prone, my heart was doing something wrong....or so I thought.

It's all part of the process unfortunately. Everything is connected to everything else. Funnily enough I'm seeing an Osteopath right now because I have a terrible back from sitting badly with work and I was chatting with him about the more holistic view of health and his opinion concurs with my own. This was a conversation led by him, not the confirmation bias you get with a mystic lol!

Fundamentally your mind and body are linked (we know this), but on a more fundamental level than most people choose to believe. If you feel stressed, your body WILL provide you with symptoms, and vice versa.

Part of the recovery process is going to have the shower anyway, even though it's an uncomfortable experience. Tell yourself you'll have a quick shower, and that you may well experience some uncomfortable sensations when you're in there. Sit down afterwards and do some slow breathing and tell yourself that you just did a perfectly normal thing that wasn't dangerous, and everything you're feeling is a symptom of anxiety. It's this kind of situation you need to repeat hundreds (or even thousands) of times to make new connections in the brain that don't fire every time you experience a sensation.

[SarahNah]

I've been in a feedback loop like that before. Unless I was lying prone, my heart was doing something wrong....or so I thought.

It's all part of the process unfortunately. Everything is connected to everything else. Funnily enough I'm seeing an Osteopath right now because I have a terrible back from sitting badly with work and I was chatting with him about the more holistic view of health and his opinion concurs with my own. This was a conversation led by him, not the confirmation bias you get with a mystic lol!

Fundamentally your mind and body are linked (we know this), but on a more fundamental level than most people choose to believe. If you feel stressed, your body WILL provide you with symptoms, and vice versa.

Part of the recovery process is going to have the shower anyway, even though it's an uncomfortable experience. Tell yourself you'll have a quick shower, and that you may well experience some uncomfortable sensations when you're in there. Sit down afterwards and do some slow breathing and tell yourself that you just did a perfectly normal thing that wasn't dangerous, and everything you're feeling is a symptom of anxiety. It's this kind of situation you need to repeat hundreds (or even thousands) of times to make new connections in the brain that don't fire every time you experience a sensation.

Thank you so much for all of this Joe, it means so much to me. I manged to take the shower yesterday- it was awful but I manged to do it.

Tonight's been the first night I've been alone, I have another four hours to to alone- it feels awful. I feel awful, I feel so unwell and all the stuff I've talked about before. It's upsetting because I don't want to lean on other so much but I can't being alone right now without feeling so unwell.