Last hurdle

[SarahNah]

I know you mean well, but your one dimensional mantra doesn't fit all cases. Sarah has displayed effort to change and bravery in the move. She is experiencing symptoms of both an infection and of anxiety. There's a time and place for an observation about reassurance seeking, and this is not it. She is right at the start of a life changing event and is feeling like crap whilst being lonely. This is very much the time and place for a bit of reassurance. Reassurance isn't always a negative thing.

If we were still here in 3 months having exactly the same conversation, then sure. But not now.

Sarah, infections will also ramp up your heart rate. Mine usually shoots up about 15-20bpm if I'm ill. It'll pass!

Hi Joe- I guess that is something I'm really struggling with here because like I said- all I have is my boyfriend and I don't want to put everything on him either. That isn't fair, of course I do tell him some of it and he tries his best. I'm lucky to have him but I also don't want our whole convo just to be about my struggles with my MH either? We work very different hours and I don't want to take up all the space. I guess I'm really struggling being lonely here, I've always had a big friendship group and of course I still have my friends at home....but I've never really been alone like this. So I am, struggling with like you said feeling like crap and being lonely- not to be that person but I can't run to my Mam for a hug lol.

Of course I am glad I came, it's hard it's very hard- but I needed to do something.

Physical it's all still shit like it was yesterday, I'm trying to tell myself that these things take time. That also with my MH being so low it's all feeding into the other. I'm trying to tell myself that if there was something wrong with my heart- I wouldn't be here talking about it. Like to be fair my heart is mainly at a lower resting rate of 60's the last few times I checked (Which isn't as much any more, with checking things the way that always worked with me was still allowing myself to do it but less and less each day until it just stops- maybe not the best way but it worked with me when I used to check my neck for lumps!). I guess what I find hardest about physical unwell, it's just hard to move around without feeling unwell or like I'm about to drop. It makes me feel trapped to be still and not move.

Sorry for all the rant lol but thank you so much Joe for replying again xx

[SarahNah]

Today's been rough, I woke up this morning just feeling awful and full of dread. My heart was all strange like normal so just didn't some breathing and tried to not think about it. When I got out of bed, my legs felt super heavy but I manged to walk a few steps before they went to jelly and gave out. My boyfriend made me call into work sick, which I feel horrible about as I started like a week ago. I did bang my lower back quite bad when I fell- and I have life long back issues so I think my boyfriend was most worried about that. I've just sat on the couch, in total fear. My body feels so heavy, I keep getting these strange jolts - I just like I said before feel so spaced out and intense.

[KK77]

Today's been rough, I woke up this morning just feeling awful and full of dread. My heart was all strange like normal so just didn't some breathing and tried to not think about it. When I got out of bed, my legs felt super heavy but I manged to walk a few steps before they went to jelly and gave out. My boyfriend made me call into work sick, which I feel horrible about as I started like a week ago. I did bang my lower back quite bad when I fell- and I have life long back issues so I think my boyfriend was most worried about that. I've just sat on the couch, in total fear. My body feels so heavy, I keep getting these strange jolts - I just like I said before feel so spaced out and intense.

You are having a terrible time, Sarah, and wanted to stop by to wish you well.

It is indeed a long and rocky road to recovery but you have made progress despite it probably not feeling so at times like this.

Keep plodding along

[SarahNah]

You are having a terrible time, Sarah, and wanted to stop by to wish you well.

It is indeed a long and rocky road to recovery but you have made progress despite it probably not feeling so at times like this.

Keep plodding along

Hi Kk77- thank you so much for taking the time to reply. I know there's alot of ups and downs there lol. I mean for all the low points- I try to remind myself that I still manged to get here.

While I might still terrible and on the edge of God knows what- I'm still kicking! That no matter how phycial or mentally bad I feel I've dealt with it before and I can get around it

Plus I did get a laugh today when I called my manger to explain why I couldn't come in. I wasn't in a great state of mind and I didn't really translate things well between us and there was quite a funny misunderstanding. I was trying to explain to him when he just asked out of interest how I had hurt my back in the past (I was tossed off a horse and caused life last pain issues and nerve damage ) but he understood it as I used to like pick up and throw horses around and he was like no where your back is like that lol.

[SarahNah]

Feeling terrible and fearing the worst- like normal. I'm doing my best to do other things to not dwell in feelings but it feels hard for me to move around and it's like things knocking into the other.

But, I did make a move on finding a therapist here. I'm still in the care of my own therapist back home but she thinks it's good to have care here also.

[Fishmanpa]

But, I did make a move on finding a therapist here. I'm still in the care of my own therapist back home but she thinks it's good to have care here also.

That's what I'm talking about! That's a huge positive despite feeling like shite and it's a battle won against the dragon. The way it was written too. Even if you're having a rough day, find a positive to post about. Doing so helps to remind you that you are making steps forward and shows you that you can continue to do so in spite of bumps in the road. Why not find a positive to post about every day? Emphasize the positives, no matter how small the step and quell the negative

"Life is 10% what happens to us, 90% how we handle it." - Charles Swindoll (It may be one way but at least its up!)

Positive thoughts

[SarahNah]

That's what I'm talking about! That's a huge positive despite feeling like shite and it's a battle won against the dragon. The way it was written too. Even if you're having a rough day, find a positive to post about. Doing so helps to remind you that you are making steps forward and shows you that you can continue to do so in spite of bumps in the road. Why not find a positive to post about every day? Emphasize the positives, no matter how small the step and quell the negative

"Life is 10% what happens to us, 90% how we handle it." - Charles Swindoll (It may be one way but at least its up!)

Positive thoughts

Hi Fishanpa- I guess because it's something I've never really spoken about here really is that fact I have bipolar (type 1- which is why something I have slightly touched on here is my cause of my psychosis episodes- I don't really understand it all myself at times if I'm being honest. ) I also have anxiety, it's alot going on. So I guess being alone here has really set me, since I'm so used to having so much support. So- I'm trying to get myself more support. My therapist called me today, I felt bit better after talking with her.

It's like I've had so many bad days (I'm not trying to say poor me, I know so so so many people have worse times and I'm quite lucky in alot of ways.) yet things can be quite hard. I do agree with the positive thoughts- like even tho like I said I feel horrid physical (not even going to say how rn because same old same old). Yet I'm also trying to remind myself that I did something today, I'm trying to get more help and support. I also manged to go outside for a small walk around- which doesn't seem like a lot but with how I physical feel and the panic that comes with it- it's a little step the right way for me!

And thank you again, for your reply Fishmanpa- and I love that quote. My therapist uses it alot!

[Fishmanpa]

And thank you again, for your reply Fishmanpa- and I love that quote. My therapist uses it alot!

When I was struggling with life, I read a lot of self help books. Charles Swindoll was one of the authors I read and he's written some great books on religious history and interpretation that I admire. There's a good reason your therapist quotes him

I want to bring attention to what I see from an outside perspective something your post. You wrote.... "I also manged to go outside for a small walk around- which doesn't seem like a lot but with how I physical feel and the panic that comes with it- it's a little step the right way for me!"

There are people here who are still sticking their fingers up their bums and you've moved to another country! To me, from an outside perspective, based on your experience, that IS a lot and should be acknowledged, celebrated and emphasized.

Positive thoughts

[ankietyjoe]

You also need to keep telling yourself just how much worse you can feel mentally when you're ill physically. Your body is in overdrive trying to beat an infection, so you need to give yourself time to let that pass too.

Moving is also a massive step, let alone to a different country with a different job. It took me three months to calm down after I moved 2 miles down the road lol.

[SarahNah]

When I was struggling with life, I read a lot of self help books. Charles Swindoll was one of the authors I read and he's written some great books on religious history and interpretation that I admire. There's a good reason your therapist quotes him

I want to bring attention to what I see from an outside perspective something your post. You wrote.... "I also manged to go outside for a small walk around- which doesn't seem like a lot but with how I physical feel and the panic that comes with it- it's a little step the right way for me!"

There are people here who are still sticking their fingers up their bums and you've moved to another country! To me, from an outside perspective, based on your experience, that IS a lot and should be acknowledged, celebrated and emphasized.

Positive thoughts

Thank you Fishmanpa!

I guess I'm trying to do /one/ positive thing a day, my therapist used to say I tried to pick up everything at once and run with it. She said how could when someone who was just learning to walk again, pick up everything and carry it at once- that's heading for disaster. So I trying to do one little extra thing a day. Like today, I took a shower when I was alone in the house (this sounds silly but the fears comes from when I was ill and I didn't have alot of strength and I used to fall alot. I was left on the floor of the shower a few times so it's a lingering fear.) I also went outside for walk, alone. I pushed myself to go a little further today. So even for how awful I felt physical (no need to list that) and mentally today, I still manged to walk that extra few minutes!

I was joking with everyone about moving country, saying I didn't spend the better part of nine years learning German to not use it! Lol