Various Health Fears

[MrLurcher]

I hate my life.

So I had a chat with my partner today, because our daughter has been having regular nightmares for around 2/3 weeks. She has suffered from some random ones and mild terrors for years. So we're trying to come up with a strategy to help her. My partner is blaming me for it all because of how much I stress, complain and act depressed around the house. I have been raising my voice towards them a bit more than usual recently I must admit.

So I googled how to help children with nightmares, and now I wish I didn't. Some of the first results were articles about how frequent nightmares and night terrors in children can be a sign of psychotic mental issues later in life. I'm absolutely horrified now. How serious should I take these things? Should we take my daughter to the doctor for a psychological evaluation? Would that cause her more stress?

It really is one thing after another, but I'm finding this more upsetting than my bowel issues.

[.Poppy.]

I had night terrors as a child. I have anxiety and depression now, but that’s the worst of it. I think they can be pretty common in children.

But maybe this is a further push to get some help and try to manage your anxiety around your children? I know it can be really hard as a sufferer myself, not to center myself and to say “this isn’t about me, right now I need to do X to help this person”. It feels impossible sometimes. But it is possible, and you can do this.

FWIW, I don’t think therapy is ever a bad idea for children, but I grew out of my night terrors and don’t really remember them honestly - I just know because my mom has told me about them.

[NoraB]

Hi all, i don't know why I've done this. But I ended up looking at peoples' Crohns diagnosis stories on reddit,

Because you probably typed Crohn's into the search engine on Google. You are looking for one of two things. One, validation. Two, reassurance.

and I'm freaked out

Because this ^^^^^^^^^^^ is where Googling symptoms and diseases gets you when you have HA..

some said they had suspected crohns for years, and that even tests missed it. Others had the more typical stories of worsening symptoms over a short period, leading to hospitalisation. But some even said they didn't have severe symptoms, no blood etc. One just said their main symptom was fatigue, and I've been exhausted since my father died. I just can't help but think what if my bug over xmas that lasted a week was a Crohns flare up, and it got better, and the bought's I've had recently are more minor flare ups. Does this sound ridiculous? I don't know why I keep revisiting this subject time and time again.

The common symptoms of this disease are ones I have now, or have had. I don't have Crohn's; I was tested for it..

I'd say the reason you keep visiting the subject is for reason one; you're seeking validation that your diagnosis is correct. This doesn't mean that you want to have this disease, it's just that your mind is trying very hard to convince you that you're right. That little voice is speaking to you all the time you're reading those stories,' OMG, THAT'S ME!!!' Right?

I've actually rang the GP earlier, asking for a call up. I told the receptionist that I need to talk to someone about my mental health desperately.

Good work!

[NoraB]

I hate my life.

Here's the dialogue again..

Do you really hate your life? Your kids, your partner? They're part of your life, right?

Or is it your irrational thoughts that you wish you could change?

Imagine life without those irrational thoughts, (or them being dialled down to a controllable level) would you still hate your life? (I'm guessing the answer would be 'no')

I have been raising my voice towards them a bit more than usual recently I must admit.

So use this as the motivation to get yourself into a better place mentally. When you say things like, 'why bother?' - think of your daughter's mental health wellbeing (alone) and there's your reason..

So I googled how to help children with nightmares, and now I wish I didn't. Some of the first results were articles about how frequent nightmares and night terrors in children can be a sign of psychotic mental issues later in life. I'm absolutely horrified now. How serious should I take these things? Should we take my daughter to the doctor for a psychological evaluation? Would that cause her more stress?

First that would happen (I imagine) is they would ask what's going on at home or school. Could anything be worrying the child? Answer is yes. And bear in mind that a child's perspective can differ greatly to our own, as happened with my son. The nightmares are a response to what's happening now. To help your daughter you have to help yourself by doing all you can to get in a better place mentally and you appear to be taking steps in doing this by going to MIND and asking for help, so, good work!

[MrLurcher]

Thanks for the replies all. The articles I read said nightmares more than night terrors had an associated risk.

I say I hate my life because there is always something worrying going on, my bowels last week, now my daughter and these nightmares.

Mind have said they will make an appointment for me now - not sure if I was mistaken about just walking in. Hopefully they can see me this week.

I'm just feeling in absolute panic that my eldest daughter could be at a major risk for stuff like Schizophrenia because of recurring nightmares. I won't dare mention this to my partner as she probably will go mad at me for making her worry about our daughter as well, she's concerned enough as it is about the nightmares. But some medical pages online say to contact your doctor if nightmares persists in children.

I know I REALLY need to work on myself now, but what if the damage has been done to my poor daughter and she's on her way to developing severe mental health issues? She's 7 years old now.

[pulisa]

Can't your daughter just be having night terrors like many young children do?

I take it that you're worried about the possible genetic legacy from your own dad? If so maybe you should be talking about this during your own therapy sessions?

[MrLurcher]

Can't your daughter just be having night terrors like many young children do?

I take it that you're worried about the possible genetic legacy from your own dad? If so maybe you should be talking about this during your own therapy sessions?

Maybe, I don't know. There's a different between night terrors and nightmares though. Nightmares are bad dreams, and you can't recall night terrors - it's a bit like sleepwalking. She has had a few of those episodes over the years though. But this nightmare thing is giving her sleep anxiety, and she doesn't like going to bed, even with quite a bright night light on.

Yes I am worried about the genetic link. My partners' father also has bipolar so it's always been a concern of mine. Obviously schizophrenia is very rare, but there is a genetic link and our household hasn;t exactly been the easiest over the past year with my worries leading to arguments between me and my partner. Then my other duaghters' illness could have frightened her as well.

Maybe I'm just over thinking it, and hopefully it's a phase that will pass. And I don't know if going to the docs would make things worse for her.

[Scass]

Nightmares are common in young children, I know because I’ve recently read up on it too because my 8yo has started having them too.

I have been working on her bedtime routine and also I’ve been doing a mindfulness diary with her, before bed.
There’s a children’s work book called what to do when you dread your bed, you can buy it on Amazon/eBay etc.

[MrLurcher]

Nightmares are common in young children, I know because I’ve recently read up on it too because my 8yo has started having them too.

I have been working on her bedtime routine and also I’ve been doing a mindfulness diary with her, before bed.
There’s a children’s work book called what to do when you dread your bed, you can buy it on Amazon/eBay etc.

Thanks Scass. I'll have a look at that book.

What's the mindfulness diary all about out of interest?

Does she go to bed ok? My daughter has been getting a bit anxious before bed / sleeping in the dark / saying she can't sleep etc.

[Scass]

Thanks Scass. I'll have a look at that book.

What's the mindfulness diary all about out of interest?

Does she go to bed ok? My daughter has been getting a bit anxious before bed / sleeping in the dark / saying she can't sleep etc.

So, it’s called a positive doodle diary, and it’s full of spaces to doodle, write a few positives about your day, affirmations and little bits of information about feelings and mental health. It’s aged between 6-12. It’s very cool actually, I wish they did an adults version!

She goes to bed ok, but I tend to stay with her until she’s asleep still at her request.

I kind of went back to basics, no screens for an hour before bed, a bath, the planner, reading, maybe a bit of playing, then bed where we read & chat a bit. I also made sure I was a bit stricter about bed time again as I was starting to let it slide.

With the journal I told her she could keep it secret, or talk it over with me. There’s a space where you can colour in your moods for the day, and I talked through each one she coloured in - but didn’t focus on the negative ones too much.

I think my circumstances are a bit different, because my daughter is/was getting physical symptoms too, and vomiting. I haven’t talked about it on here, but she’s having some tests to find out if it’s something physical, and I am so very anxious about it, but obviously trying not to show her.

I purposely don’t ask her about her symptoms. If they are bad enough, she will tell me or I will notice. I realised a few years ago, that if I kept asking her, I was trying to reassure myself more than her, and I don’t think it was giving her the right message either. So, I really recommend this for you too. Don’t ask her how she’s feeling too much, talk about your own experiences if you like. Above all, empathise, her feelings are real and valid (something we often forget about when talking to each other on here as adults), but also remind her that bad dreams are just dreams, they won’t come true, and she shouldn’t have the same dream again. Remind her she is safe and loved and can talk to you about anything.
Do some things together to brighten both your moods, play some simple games, go for a walk, watch a programme together. Remind her that you and your youngest are ok, and she does not need to worry about any of you.