Various Health Fears

[pulisa]

Yes I agree with Blue..Try to "normalise" the situation ie "I've just had a bout of diarrhoea but it's passed now. I've just had Covid and feel a bit rubbish but that's to be expected. My diet can be a bit all over the place so I'll try and look after myself now and take note of what the GP said. I don't want my anxiety to affect my family's lives so I need to keep any health issues I may experience in perspective..for their sakes and mine".

[NoraB]

Iguess this is where I'm either deeply selfish or deeply ignorant to how I affect others. I feel awfully guilty when I see my mum upset over me, or my partner stressed when I'm panic, or when I see my kids' confused faces when I'm talking about medical subjects - something I try not to do in front of them anymore.

Again, I'm seeing contradictions here Mr L. If you feel guilt then you're not ignorant to how you affect others, right?

My partner often asks me 'why cant I get over this' (not in those exact terms) or push to 'help myself' for the sake of our children.

She says these things because she probably doesn't understand what you're going through. Mental illness isn't something we can snap out of because somebody tells us to. It doesn't work like that. If only!

I just don't know why I can't. Maybe I'm too selfish or too self absorbed, or maybe I'm just too far gone that I can't help myself.

We appear to be selfish to others, especially those who don't understand mental health issues like HA. But the definition of selfish is to be concerned only with one's pleasure or gain and my personal experience with MH issues is that neither applies..

As for being 'too far gone'? I don't see that at all. I'm presuming you've not had a mental breakdown? People do (I did) and they come back from this. My mother was hospitalised with her breakdown, and she came back stronger for it. Why not you?

My mother in law who came to sit with me for a few hours in A&E last night was suggesting is it time to take anti-d's now. Maybe she;s right, but it's frustrating when your feeling ok and then things like the past few days happen and it's a reminder that I'm far beyond ok.

You're certainly not beyond help either. This is the narrative that you're choosing..

Your MIL no doubt wants to help her daughter, and it's understandable, but what does she understand about mental illness? It's all well and good to suggest you take medication but I'd be inclined to listen to my doctor rather than my mother-in-law as her priority is your partner, not you.

Therapy can't come soon enough for you, Mr L. But in order for it to be in any way effective, you're going to have to try & engage..

[MrLurcher]

My MIL in the hospital was trying to help me normalise the situation by asking me what would I say to a friend who was going through the same thing in the hospital. My partner has been saying the same things to me, trying to make me feel more rational about the situation.

To be fair to them both, they do have a decent understanding of mental health. My partners father, (My MIL's ex husband) had bipolar disorder, and had lots of issues on top of that including controlling behaviour, aggression, manipulative traits etc. And my partner suffered bad boughts of post pregnancy depression after two of our daughters - she seeked helped from a therapist after the second one.

I wouldn't class myself as having had a nervous breakdown, however I was close 3 years ago or so when I again, was having bowel issues, and ended up having a sigmoidoscopy.

I've woken up feeling very depressed today. Depressed at the thought that I'm back worrying about my bowels, depressed and frightened at the thought of doing another sigmoidoscopy or colonoscopy which I found incredibly uncomfortable. Scared about the possible outcome. I just really wish those blood tests came back normal, it's just on my mind the whole time atm.

[BlueIris]

You do know you wouldn't be in this position if you hadn't run to A&E, right?

[MrLurcher]

You do know you wouldn't be in this position if you hadn't run to A&E, right?

Well, I'd probably still be worrying about the symptoms, but obviously the blood tests have given me more reason to worry.

I've been to the toilet once this morning already, which was ok ish, but now my stomach / bowel is feeling full, bloated and on edge again. I'm trying to reassure myself that it's probably IBS but it's hard after those blood results.

[pulisa]

So have you been referred for an urgent colonoscopy following those "slightly raised" calprotectin levels? What was the result of your trip to A&E? A packet of antacids and anxiety from a test which the GP didn't want to run. A&E has just made your anxiety far worse.

[MrLurcher]

I didnt get a calprotectin test this time?? I had one 3 years ago which was clear.

[pulisa]

My mistake...So you had slight inflammatory markers in your bloods following covid? Or slightly raised white blood count? Following covid.

[MrLurcher]

The doc just said theres a slight raise in inflammation. I dont know if he meant white blood count or not. That was tested though. I was still covid positive on Monday. Negative on Wednesday. Would covid actually cause inflammation in a triple vaccinated adult though?

Maybe I should ring the docs tomorrow to ask if theyve has the hospital results through, or maybe thats a bad idea.

I also cant remember now whether they said for me to follow up with the GP if symptoms dont improve or they will tell the GP to follow up….Is there a standard procedure for things like this??

[pulisa]

It's routine for them to discharge you and tell you to go back to the GP if you still feel ill after a week or so.

I wouldn't bother the GP tomorrow because you spoke to a doctor on Friday? and then went straight to A&E. That won't go down well.

The general mantra is "watch and wait" for all non-urgent stuff and then come back if needs be..but I expect things will settle down and you will move onto something else soon. It's just what happens as you know...unless you try and take some of the advice which so many people on here have given you.

You can't compare bipolar to HA in terms of severity. You can get a grip on HA if you really want to and are determined to keep things in perspective. You don't have to wait for formal therapy and you don't need to consider yourself "strong" because what is "strong"? It means different things to different people. It's not a "battle", it's a new approach. If you see it as a struggle then you give HA more power and the aim is to manage the fearful thoughts and calmly counterbalance them with a more logical approach. You are not helpless because you have insight and deep down know what you are doing to yourself.