Various Health Fears

[Carnation]

Pleased everything turned out alright for you nora

[pulisa]

I grew up with someone even more doom and gloom than Mr L, so it doesn't bother me as much because I have had to learn that whatever the negative person has going on, it's a) not about me or anyone else but rather about them, and b) not going to change no matter what anyone else says or does Indeed, I think really pervasively negative people adopt the view that they do because of early trauma, and that it is a self-protective mechanism. It's hard work but the people surrounding the negative person CAN learn to just ignore it.

Interestingly, persistent negativity is just the flip side of a persistent POSITIVE outlook; there are folks who insist on seeing good things at all times and that too is a coping mechanism that is a reaction to early trauma and acts as a self-protective mechanism.

The real way out of HA is, of course, to be a realist. As Nora and pulisa and Blue and others have said in various places, we will all die someday -- the only reality we have for sure is the one we have now -- and no amount of thinking, positive or negative, will markedly change that. Negative thinkers should remind themselves that along the way we can (and possible should!) be happy; positive thinkers should remind themselves that declaring "suffering is optional" is just as wacky and weird as thinking happiness is an illusion!

Mr L., I have no idea how your test results will come back, but I too have been suffering from literally the same exact symptoms as you, on and off for 4 whole years. It happened just a week ago while I was out with my child and I had to *immediately* crab walk a full 1/4 home and use the toilet; the symptoms then kept up like that for 5 whole days. Am I worried? ...Nope. I had a ultrasound of my gallbladder 2 years ago because I was having horrible bac pain too but that found nothing (it turns out I have scoliosis instead.) I therefore humbly submit you are no more likely to have the thing you fear than I am; your test results are not more likely to be bad than mine would be if I took the same test. And before you get into the family history thing, my grandfather also had Crohn's, and one of my parents suffers from symptoms identical to mine plus kidney cysts and has had to have early colonoscopies and stool tests starting over a decade ago (all of which have thank God found nothing.)

Fear isn't your destiny (you aren't more cursed than the rest of us!)
Hope isn't your destiny (you aren't more blessed than the rest of us!)
But if HA is your reality (as it is or has been for the rest of us,) and you want to stay and grip your HA for comfort and not let go -- well, there's not much most of us can do about that.

Wishing you the absolute best...

I agree about hanging on to HA for dear life as a comfort mechanism. It's better the devil you know than leaving a void to fill and losing your" identity". For some people but not for others.

[BlueIris]

Oh, absolutely. Back when I was losing hours to Google every day I felt as though I'd be lost without that time.

[NoraB]

Fear isn't your destiny (you aren't more cursed than the rest of us!)
Hope isn't your destiny (you aren't more blessed than the rest of us!)
But if HA is your reality (as it is or has been for the rest of us,) and you want to stay and grip your HA for comfort and not let go -- well, there's not much most of us can do about that.

This is an excellent comment Kyllikki..

I have said before that there is comfort in HA and some people prefer to stick to what they have come to know rather than fight to get back to some level of normality..

Quite simply, it suits some people to stay as they are and for numerous reasons. One is that it's 'easier' to do this than to try and work against the flow of those irrational thoughts. Also, it's easy to come on forums (anonymously) and seek reassurance and attention and there will always be someone who is willing to oblige with the tea and sympathy. It's harder to turn up to therapy and do the work. Of all the MH issues I have, HA was the one which broke me. I also broke down because of depression but another human's behaviour was the cause of that, not my own imagination. You have to want out of this situation and be prepared to give it everything you've got in terms of effort and perseverance and once people learn how to challenge their thoughts, this can be applied in other areas too. Had I have known how to challenge my thoughts when I was younger, I could have spared myself a lot of pain. But I know how to do it now..

There is some really great advice on this thread but won't mean anything to Mr Lurcher if he's not willing to let go and accept life for what it is, and that includes life's shittery and ultimately, death.

When I was a child, death used to freak me out. I feared the word as well as the event itself. Then something happened to me and I realised that death doesn't mean what I thought it meant, as in annihilation. We don't just cease to be. We exist in another form where we don't require our bodies anymore. We are pure energy - which is what every single thing on this planet ultimately is. That's what this (and every subsequent experience) taught me..

RE death: I quite like the analogy of an airport where there are departures and arrivals. Departures is where the sadness is because those we love are leaving us. Arrivals is where the joy is; people waiting expectantly for their loved ones to arrive. This is just like births and deaths, right? But each is a transition. We are all in death's departure lounge; what we don't know is what time our 'flight' will be called..

Airport departures comes with the knowledge that there will be people we love to greet us at the other end and I, for one, am looking forward to seeing my parents again. As I go through those doors there will be sadness because grief, after all, is the price we pay for loving someone and being loved, but I know that I will see my loved ones again one day and that I will be there to greet them when they are called to go through the departure gates. Death also means that am going to be seeing people who I've loved all my life but who went onto their final destination years ago. I am looking forward to meeting the grandfather who only knew me for a few months before his flight was called. I am looking forward to seeing my grandmother again and thanking her for removing my fear of death and giving me the gift of experiencing spirit and love in its purest form (meaning minus the ego) These thoughts not only comfort me, but there is happiness and joy and where these emotions exist there is less (or no) fear..

Just writing this makes me feel comforted. There is no fear whatsoever, and I'm talking about death, the word alone which used to terrify me..

The point to my airport ramblings is that we can choose to fear death or we can reframe how we think of it. You don't need to have an experience with a deceased rellie to do this; you just have to change the way you think, re-frame death - find a way to accept the inevitable..

Also, as an autistic, I kind of like the honesty and reliability of death. It's a certainty. You can rely on it happening. The only issue is the unpredictability of 'when' but that's where living (or trying to live) in the now comes in because the reality is that 'now' is all we really have. That's a certainty in itself, right? We can be sure of this moment, and in this moment I am alive and this connects me to every other living being on this planet..

Anyway, that's enough BS from Nora. I'm seeing my granddaughter today. She is one of the humans that I will be incredibly sad to leave when my flight is called but I intend to enjoy my moments with her and be fully present and this involves numerous snuggles, hairs sniffing, and talking incoherently (no real change for me ha)

[pulisa]

I'll admit that I've never been fully present in my "now"..My brain just buzzes with other stuff which I find very hard to filter out. Slowing down has always been a challenge! I wish you tonnes of joy with your beautiful granddaughter today, Nora! Hoover up all those baby pheromones and then hand her back at the end of your "shift"!

[NoraB]

I'll admit that I've never been fully present in my "now"..My brain just buzzes with other stuff which I find very hard to filter out. Slowing down has always been a challenge! I wish you tonnes of joy with your beautiful granddaughter today, Nora! Hoover up all those baby pheromones and then hand her back at the end of your "shift"!

It's hard, very hard. I'm a natural time traveller - always in the past or the future - so it hasn't been easy to try and be present. It never will be, but nothing worth doing is ever easy, right? And kids have a way of helping us to be present, and not only because you need eyes up ya backside when they're around!

You can keep staring at raisins, I'll stare at my grandkids. It's medicinal. Plus, I have to make the most of these ones as teenager has informed me (several times) that he doesn't want children, ever!

He may be right but I recall having the same convo with my dad when I was 13 and 4 years later I was being told 'DON'T PUSH UNTIL I TELL YOU!'. So time will tell on that one!

Just waiting on my son and fam turning up now. My hair is tied up (I'm being reminded that long hair and babies are a no-no - ouch) and I just can't wait to look into those beautiful eyes (which I swear are my MIL's) and allow her joy to ignite my own. I love those little humans and I miss them when they leave (even if the living room looks a shit tip lol)

Fuzzy time!!

[Carnation]

I think that living in the moment comes with a certain amount of peace within you. I'm obviously not talking about noise or distraction but the peaceful mind.

I suffer with health anxiety myself but I understand it as part of general anxiety and its that, that has to be addressed. Along the way I've adapted coping skills and try my best to dismiss the fearful chatter in my head. I keep busy and force myself to have a relaxation period.
I manage somehow to get through my chores and address them. I push through my agoraphobia with an attitude "I'm going for it no matter what".
But when you are in a place of constant dread Mr L, that is the time to seek some help. I've been there many times, felt death hanging over me like a dark cloud and yes, I'm still fearful of the dying process so that's something I have to learn to come to terms with. I also fear the death of people close to me, but I've seen through experience how people survive that and continue their lives. It is life and life goes on. Now when I wake in the morning I am grateful for that life and that's a good place to start Mr L. Even if you are waiting for results or feel this that or the other, you are alive now!
I suffered PSTD from a car crash where for a moment I thought I had died. It was a major wake up call. I mentally wrapped myself in cotton wool but all that did was make me fearful of life itself. It became a situation where I was not living my life. Losing out on living is not nice when you are actually alive and well! And when I'm out and see someone in a wheelchair or crutches because they only have one leg or a carer with a stroke victim, that's a wake up call too and I realise how lucky I am and that gives me the strength to do more.
So Mr L, read over all these posts from these brilliant and courageous people and just think about what you can do to help yourself have some of that peace.

[MrLurcher]

Hi all, sorry I haven't replied to all the lovely posts on here. You've taken lots of time to reply to me, and I am thankful. I'm only going to keep this short for now.

I'm in a pretty bad place again today, still waiting for these results, and I'm only just holding it together. Had a long chat with my MIL last night about my anxiety, 'IBS' and mental struggles. She thinks I'm very close to a proper breakdown now and wants me to start medication. It helped me calm down last night, but I woke up this morning in a terrible state of anxiety and panic.

I hate living like this, this week has been just complete torment waiting for these results. It's bad enough living with mental health issues like HA, and I don't know how I will cope with a serious and chronic illness on top.

I've been trying like Nora said to accept that it will probably be something bad, so I can just think right, I'll just have to learn to live with it and get on with life. But then I get hit with the anxiety of how I've read up about how people with IBD need major operations, lots of meds etc. I worry when my toenail gets ingrown so I can't cope with this sort of stuff!!

I feel this thread is building up for something now, a bit like how Jenni's thread years ago went on and on until she got her diagnosis.

[BlueIris]

Why do you insist on continually telling yourself that you're ill?

I think you really need to examine what you get from this sort of negative self-talk.

[Carnation]

Mr L, I have an ingrowing toenail, actually two. And a hammer toe, bunions and Mr C has corns. All very common complaints.
If you find any of those fearful you really do need therapy or medication.
As for your results.... if you have not been contacted it can only mean it's NOT an emergency situation.
Try to keep things in perspective and logical.